another disappointment. what should i do? hopefully someone can reply in this foru,

here's a little background to set the scene: Theres this person i was talking to for around 2 months or so (they're 20 and I'm 21), and went out with 4 times. Let's call this person "sam". sam is biologically female and presents themselves more feminine, while identifying as agender. I'm a girl who prefers no labels and is simply attracted to all types of people, and while i was not used to using they/them pronouns and being agender concept, i didn't mind cause i genuinely liked this person.

we ultimately met through knowing a mutual friend of each other. this mutual friend is their best friend. through getting to know sam, i discovered they have had a rough past and family background. they struggle with depression/anxiety, but they're working hard to better themselves which i admire. we were both on the same page of how we like to take things slow and are not ones to jump into anything physical too soon. we held hands briefly after the first date. we still kept in touch after dates, where they would compliment me quite a bit on my looks and such, text me goodmornings and ask how i slept. like they genuinely cared about my wellbeing.

back to the compliments, i was not used to the frequency of them, and thought it may have been too much too soon, but then i thought they're naturally a really affectionate person. at one point they even said to tell them if they're coming across as too strong, and that they just like me and want to make it known. eventually they even started to call me baby and babe. there was one point where we couldn't see each other for a few weeks because of our busy schedules (even though we only live 20 minutes away from each other) and we both don't drive.

i was honest with my feelings of how i wanted to see them at least once a week, cause i feel like thats a frequency thats not too much but not too little. but that i understand if that cant happen. eventually, the second time i saw them was with our mutual friend. the third time was finally a date to the movies. it was one of those movie theaters with those incline chairs. we laid pretty close to each other and they finally interlocked hands with mine pretty tightly, and it was one of the best feelings ever. i felt so comforted and at peace as it was something i was craving for quite some time.

i started to feel really close to them and my feelings started to deepen. 2 days was when i last saw them, and it was with our friend at the mall. during that outing, i admit i was a bit tired, quiet, and stressed cause i had to lie to my mom again of who I'm seeing and where I'm going. (she's very homophobic and intolerant to put it in perspective) . now, sam knows about the difficult situation with my mom, but they seem very understanding and doesn't phase their interest toward me.

later on, my mom called and i answered and put her on speaker. sam and our friend overheard the conversation and were quite surprised on the homophobic and hateful things coming out my moms mouth to me, as she suspected i was out seeing this "girl". i knew i had to be home at a certain time, so i departed ways and ubered back home. an hour later, i get an unexpected text from sam saying they think we should end things after tonight.

that my mom's dislike toward them is not okay. that i shouldn't tolerate her abuse and sell myself short just cause she's my mom. that they want me happy. sam continued to say that sadly, it just wasnt meant to be and that they hope i find my someone one day, but that for now i should focus on myself. . my heart sank and i was so confused, because everything was going fine with their affection and nothing but positive body language toward me.

i thought this was so sudden, and maybe my mom made them suddenly change their mind.i tried to call sam twice, cause i was lost and shaken up, but they didn't answer so i just replied back with text. i didnt understand because i thought they liked me, and if you like someone, you usually don't end things just like that. if anything, from the very beginning, they told me they were afraid of coming across as too clingy or too much. sam replied to say they do like me, but that i don't deserve this

that in the end, my mom has never bothered them that much. its more them than my mom and that right now, they need to focus on themselves and that were not good for each other and i deserve more than what they give. that they wish nothing but the best for me. we did end the texts on good terms, and they still check my posts on social media, but i cant help but to be upset and hold on to a tiny bit of hope that they'll have a change of heart and just need time. i don't get it. we havent talked for a week.

i never wanted to jump to anything serious, so i don't know how they decided this so quickly after just holding my hand and resting their head on me. there were no arguments or awkwardness.if anything, from the very beginning, they told me they were afraid of coming across as too clingy or too much. all i wanted was continue talking and seeing them. i never asked for much. cause i really did like them.

i don't know if deep down, that was their excuse of letting me down gently or its really something with them. i know they've admitted to be going through things. our friend did tell me that he assures me that they didn't lose interest. ugh, i just don't know how to process this. im tired of being let down. just as i was starting to let my guard down and even told them im a cautious person. its like i can attract peoples attention on a initial basis, but they eventually go away. even though people tell me im a lovely soul, beautiful, kind, funny, etc. its like its not good enough. i just want someone to see that i am worth it. i dont think im desperate, but it surely does get frustrating being 21 and not getting your chance. im trying to be patient.

 

thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post. i have vented to a few friends about this, but i felt i wanted more advice from various people on this site. i agree. i do feel better than i did, then lets say..the first 2 days or so. not fully over it of course. but a bit better. i find it interesting they still like all my recent instagram photos, and will usually be the first few people to see my snapchat/instagram stories, but i have to tell myself..im overthinking it. they could be curious on how im doing, but it means nothing. if they really wanted to talk to me, they would contact me personally. if they dont, it must mean they dont care enough. i know i had to do initiating in the beginning cause they admit theyre not one to make first moves, but its different now. i refuse to cave in and contact them.

 

thank you for the reply. yeah, im trying. unfortunately ive been having a few dreams about them lately. two of which ended on a negative note, and the most recent one where we started talking again like nothing happened. ugh lol. i feel like texting them just to say hi after its been a few weeks..but maybe thats not a good idea

 

i mean, i thought i was fully over this..but i do admit, i still care about them and how theyre doing. what really hurt me was that i made a post on twitter that said, "youll always be important to me and ill always care" they saw it, liked the tweet and a few minutes later posted their own tweet that said, " i dont hate you but i no longer care" ...i couldnt help but to think that was indirect replyto me...and im hurting again cause i do not understand. i understand if they didnt want a relationship and wanted to work on themselves...but how can they say that...that hurts a lot.