Coming out... as straight

I have just heard that someone who was gender non-conforming and "seemed gay" came out as straight, because everyone assumed they were gay.

That's very nice of her! I think it's very good support.

 

I think it's better if no one has to "come out" for their sexuality (transgender might be harder) and just leave it to the conversation of who you like.

Well, as someone not transgender I wouldn't come out as "cis" my parents know I'm a woman so don't need to add termenology that doesn't really mean anything to them (and only used by me when at lgbt specific websites/events).

Like I've never really said I'm bi but last year my mum was like who do you like, and I was like "wonder woman, Gal Gadot" since I had just seen that. Followed by Chris Hemsworth and would love a Diana/Thor movie (too bad ones dc and the other marvel).

But whatever who those that do. Think it's a little pointless but beyond giving my opinion I ain't going to protest against it.

 

I know I have been guilty of just assuming someone was gay and finding out otherwise. I kept my assumptions to myself but they were there nonetheless. Have the be careful because I wouldn’t seem the least bit gay yet I’m bi. No one can tell who or what you are

 

I can see the good intentions and the possibility of educating people on the issues that most of us have to go through.
It would be great if someday nobody had to come out.

However I would not appreciate anyone I know doing this at anytime in my life. Since coming out I have realized that straight people just do not understand us. They can’t understand the struggle.

 

It’s funny. When I thought I was straight I would have resented you saying straight people don’t understand, now I get it

 

It's interesting how visceral my reaction was to this. I find it immensely insulting. It seems like an attempt to prove you empathize and understand what gay people go through that actually proves you don't. Like the difficult thing about being gay is that you once had to have an awkward conversation with your parents. Plus telling someone you're straight has no relation to telling someone you're gay.

Coming out isn't just a conversation. It's the years of wondering if everyone would hate you if they knew. It's the fact that some of them will, that people you don't even know will hate you. It's wondering if your mother will still love you. It's that moment before you grip your boyfriend's hand and wonder if people will turn away or sneer--or worse. It's the young mother who sees you holding hands and gives you that look that says "How dare you be yourself in front of my children?" It's when you finally do fall in love and straight girls say "It's such a waste" and actually think it's a compliment.

Gay kids don't kill themselves to avoid an awkward conversation with their parents. They do it because they can't see their way through the rest of the stuff, the stuff that can take years to get past, the stuff that so many people never do get past.

And to my mind the idea that you can somehow participae in that by having a conversation with your parents where you confirm what they always assumed about you is, to my mind, just insulting.

 

Very well said. As a straight acting bi man I guess I wouldn’t really understand either

 

Thank you.
You had all the words I didn’t.

 

@OGS I see your point, but I think its important to remember that this was obviously well intentioned, and could lead to more discussion and thought on the LGBTQ perspective by heteros.

 

I think it's an interesting way to start a conversation among a small group of people. That is, it was contained within their family and they probably had a discussion about it after. They might have discussed what it's like to consider what life might be like... In that small scale it doesn't offend me in the slightest. I see it sort of as a simulation of a small portion of the feelings of what queer people go through.

Is it the same? no... Should people come out as cis/het on social media as if it's some grand gesture of solidarity... no that's stupid and ignorant... but could it spark an interesting dinner conversation? Sure... I don't see how it hurts anything.

 

I agree with Caraldo.

 

I think it's really sweet of her

 

I agree. I think her intention was to be a good friend and that means a lot. Ideally, no one would have to come out, but in my opinion this was very nice of her to do. I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

I think the reason why some people are bothered by it is because of the goal that is trying to accomplish.

If the goal is to try and talking about LGBT issues then you really don't need to come out to do that. Coming out exists because people assume everyone is straight unless told otherwise. A straight person announcing they are straight when everyone assumes they are straight and has probably had boyfriend/girlfriends over just doesn't make sense.

Coming out isn't a conversation. Coming out is being asked by family members about "Do you like a girl/boy at school?" and having to lie about it until you decide to tell the truth. Coming out is not being able to bring your significant other home. Straight people come out ALL the time as straight, they just don't notice which is what the problem is.

So this gesture is nice, but it doesn't tackle the problem of coming out. Now if someone does it just to be nice then yay but should all straight people do it? That's just weird.

A more useful action would be for straight people to stop assuming that everyone is straight. It would be for people to use gender neutral terms when asking if their cousin/little brother etc likes someone. Its making sure that you never assume someones sexuality until they show it to you. That would be both nice and actually useful.

 

I completely agree with this. I am really working on this myself because I'm one of those people who is assumed to be straight so I am trying to make a concerted effort to change they way I ask people these questions. I definitely plan on speaking this way to my kids if I ever have any as well from the get go. I want them to know early on I have no expectations for which gender they will end up with.