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How do you 'know' when you've found your name?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by AlexJames, May 11, 2018.

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  1. AlexJames

    AlexJames
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    I keep having second thoughts. Alex was chosen with lots of restrictions, and before i identified strictly as trans. I identified as bigender when i found the name Alex. I wanted something that wouldn't raise suspicion but most definitely wasn't my birth name cause i've literally always hated it even back in elementary, and i also wanted the initial to be the same because i wanted to ease the dypshoria that signing with my initials would otherwise bring at work. So i've always been like...well, what would i have chosen if i'd been more solid in my gender identity back then? But i don't want to hop on a name and use it everywhere all over again. Because i was solid with the name Alex. But i figure...if i'm ever mentally and financially stable enough, i wanna go on testosterone and if i get a decent support system too then maybe top surgery. But without anybody to support me during the recovery period (or the money, obv) then idk if that's feasible.

    I just...how do you know? I had times at work where i desperately wanted to introduce myself to new people as Alex instead of my birth name. But now when i say it...like its not bad, but like...like what if i used either 'Alex' or 'Alexsander' as a middle name and found a different first name, w/o any of the restrictions? I kept trying to find a first name to honor someone but every time i thought i found one, it fell through for one reason or another. So perhaps paying homage to my own transition journey is better instead. For now. Until i change my mind yet again.
     
    #1 AlexJames, May 11, 2018
  2. Hawk

    Hawk
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    It honestly took me a few years to finally settle on a name. I went through plenty of names until I found the name Liam, and something just stuck and I had the "this is my name" moment! Once I found my name, I searched the meaning behind it and that solidified it even more. I do really like both my first and middle name that I chose now. It was a long process, but definitely worth it.

    One of the things that might be helpful to narrow something down is think of some things you don't want in a name. Eg: does it matter if you have a common or uncommon name? Does it matter if it's a common name among trans people? Do you want the same initial?
    You might even want to search some names that were common when you were born.

    I know the feeling when you just want to find your name, but nothing sticks. Before you change your name on social media again, test it out for a few weeks or a month or so. Test it out on strangers or here or a different social media account that maybe no one knows about so you won't feel guilty about changing it.
     
    #2 Hawk, May 11, 2018
  3. BradThePug

    BradThePug
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    I'm not sure what made me really stick with my name. I really just tried a name and it stuck. It helps if people can really see that name as fitting for you. If you have a name that seems to go against your personality, then it is less likely to stick.
     
    #3 BradThePug, May 11, 2018
  4. KayNB

    KayNB
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    When I found the first iteration of my name it was a time when I was unemployed, young, confused about what I was actually trying to do with gender, and addicted to the internet. It was the year 2001, web 2.0 wasn't even much of a thing yet... sites were still hard coded in HTML... and I would spend hours looking at babynames.com... reading boy names and girl names and what they meant... I eventually fell in love with a name because of how it sounded and because there was a really pretty person who had the same name. It was a slightly awkward name but I didn't even think about that. I adopted it as my "drag name" (I was a wannabe performer at the time)... As people used it for me, it sounded like they were taunting me, or like it was too much work to say my name... it REEEEEEEEALLY bugged me. Within a few months I shortened it to a name that is a relatively basic, common girl's/woman's name. That name stuck. It was me. I felt comfortable when people would call me the name and I felt comfortable introducing myself by the name. It was more my name than my boy name had ever been. The truth is, had I been born with it I am not sure I would have liked it as much but because I chose it and it derived from the other name that I liked so much it's kinda like home for me.

    Then... a little over a decade in the closet, some additional understanding of who I really am, and a journey back out of the closet... and I decided to shorten it even more. To a letter. Or the sound of saying a letter that is. A letter on it's own doesn't inherently have a gender but this letter does suggest slight more femininity than masculinity. I like that part of it.

    Now I introduce myself as "Kay" to certain people, and I am planning to get a legal name change to this name within the next year at which point I'll use that name exclusively in my life. It works for me because it takes away about 60% of the gender from my previous chosen name, but still really is just short for the chosen name that I've known myself as for 15 years (Kayla-la=Kay)

    How can you know? When you find a name that doesn't make you ask this question as much... you may never find that this question goes away entirely for you... but if you pick a second name and try it on somewhere and you find that you don't question if it's right as much as you do Alex... then it's probably a better choice. Or at least that was the case for me when I had shortened to Kayla from Michaela.
     
    #4 KayNB, May 11, 2018
  5. Kimberlyjo

    Kimberlyjo
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    Mi nombre lo encontré con mi mejor amiga Ella dijo Kimberly José Piénsalo y cuando conversamos por teléfono hablamos personalmente ella y su mamá me dicen Kimberly o Kim
    Al ver que me sentía cómoda dije si me gusta voy a usarlo
    Saludes
     
    #5 Kimberlyjo, May 14, 2018
  6. AlexJames

    AlexJames
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    Gracias Kim. Yo no hablo español ... ¿hablas inglés? Solía usar google translate para escribir esto, lo siento mucho si no es preciso ...

    Thanks Kim. I do not speak spanish...do you speak english? I used to use google translate to write this so sorry if it is not accurate...
     
    #6 AlexJames, May 14, 2018
  7. RainbowGreen

    RainbowGreen
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    Google Translate has been getting quite good, honestly. Spanish is my third language but I didn't notice anything wrong in your message. However, let's keep in mind that speaking anything other than English is against the rules :S

    (Kim, ¿hablas inglés? Solo se puede hablar in inglés sobre este forum. Puedes utilizar Google Translate si quieres. Esta mejor que era antes.)
    So mods can understand me: Kim, do you speak English? We can only speak in English on this forum. You can use Google Translate if you want. It's better than it was.
     
    #7 RainbowGreen, May 15, 2018
  8. AlexJames

    AlexJames
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    I legit wonder if perhaps Kim speaks limited English. I've seen someone - i think her - using only Spanish. Hopefully she replies, and like you said google translate is a good option. Its how i read her tweet. I was just trying to reach out in a way that's hopefully understandable so she knows and can think of another way to write her posts so we can all talk to her and vice versa. I don't want her to be excluded just cause maybe she doesn't know English all that well. Perhaps she can write posts like i did? Original in spanish and then translated with google translate (or such)?
     
    #8 AlexJames, May 15, 2018
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