Gay guys how could you have sex with women?

This scenario actually happens quite a bit. Wife thinks there's another woman, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not think enough, on and on.

 

Sometimes puzzles are answered by what you dont see. Time and time again I've read about gay men (here on ECs) who are married and in some instances have kids. This caused me to reflect, ultimately asking why didn't I go down this path? After considerable reflection, journaling, talking to lady friends for hours in coffee shops, I believe I have a solid answer. Women have hurt me a lot in my life. And hurt me bad. (A second part of the answer is, I was inadvertently taught at 14 that sex is dirty - yes by my mom. So I shied away from sex with women, thus no inadvertent pregnancies.)

Hurt and sex is dirty theory has held true for some time now.

Post reflection: Well gee I guess one could also say, I'm gay and I'm just not interested in women.

 

@OGS , that's cool! I have no way of knowing how common that is, but I do know it doesn't happen all the time. Thinking about yours and David's story I remember, Oh yeah!, I did go to a gay bar a few decades ago when there was one here in town. I chatted with a few guys, but didn't feel like I really connected with anyone. I didn't have the clarity and grace to let guys know I wasn't there to hook-up, but that I really wanted to connect. I still do. A kiss and a hand-hold would be nice too.

 

Hi @brainwashed - I'm one of those gay men with kids, and after considerable reflection, I still ask myself, why DID I go down this path? Aside from the obvious societal pressures and a desire to have kids, a lot of it came down to chance. If I had met the right guy at the right time, my life might have turned out quite differently. Sometimes I wonder how close I may have come to meeting that right guy -- maybe he was about to get in line behind me just as another lane opened up. No matter, this is where I am and the only paths are forward.

 

I agree with this 100% ... including the part about Jennifer Lawrence.

 

By chance is noted. I actually had women propose to me. I said no. But I wanted kids. Always have. But have non.

 

Clarity and grace. Hum, need to work on obtaining those skills.

 

Let’s face it. Many women are sexy as hell. I could see where a gay guy might be occasionally tempted. Also, an an earlier poster said, it feels really good

 

Some people just seem to naturally know the right thing to say and the right time to say it. Not me. I'm still figuring out that honestly, sincerity and openness are a good strategy.

I had to Google "Jennifer Lawrence". I think I'd still prefer Matt Bomer.

 

I haven’t had sex with a woman before, but I guess I could have sex with one if I imagine she were a guy or I thought of men before/at the time of sex, albeit it wouldn’t be enjoyable for either of us .

That’s probably how “gay 4 pay” pornstars have sex with other men... they think about women or look at naked photos of women before they shoot the camera.

 

Yes. Stories like that give me hope. Maybe that could happen to me. Maybe someday I could do that for someone else. There are lots of good people in the world.

 

Well,

I am a lesbian from a small town. When Ilived in that small town when I was in my 20s I was very horny but there were very very few lesbians to sleep with. I ended up having random sexual encounters with men. These encounters were one time things. I imagine that gay men being with women is very similar.

 

No use looking at the past. Can't change it....
And I absolutely completely and irrevocably love my kids. Wouldn't change that if went back.

 

I look at it similarly, but a little differently. There's no use in regretting the past, but looking at it, just like remembering a movie, is kind of interesting. It also has a bearing on where I go next. And I totally agree, the love, happiness and satisfaction on this path I've taken validate all the choices I've made along the way.

 

Being a fanatic movie buff, I absolutely LOVE this! Looking at the past with regret and wishing you could change it really is as futile as watching Psycho and getting depressed every time because Marian Crane takes that damn $40,000, and you know she's going to end up in the swamp with it in the trunk of that beautiful 1957 Ford, it spoils the whole rest of the movie for you, because you wanted the story to be about her, not Norman. In the closet or out, our lives have so many levels and so much richness, even if we weren't going in the direction we "should" have. Look at it this way--you don't watch the movie for all of the individual plot details. You watch it for how you feel when you walk out of the theater.

My daughter and I love to watch The Wizard of Oz together, and when we do, we bring up the goofs on imdb.com and DO watch for all of them. This is the spot where Judy's wearing black dance shoes for a second or two instead of the ruby slippers; here's where the fire burned Margaret Hamilton's wicked witch. We do it for laughs and entertainment, and it doesn't spoil the movie for us--in fact, it adds a new level of entertainment because we can laugh at the glitches and marvel at how entertaining the final product ended up despite them. Replaying our lives in the closet is like that. We can look at the mistakes and laugh or cry but still appreciate where we ended up, or we can ruminate on all those visible booms and mic shadows and braids that are different lengths from scene to scene, to the point where it spoils the movie completely. That shit will kill your soul. The past is behind us; this is where we are, and the only move is indeed forward!

 

I love your analysis, @Choirboy! Only, my movie isn't over -- I'm still trying to figure out the plot.

 

BUT OMG which way is forward?
I know which way I'd really like to go, but. But I can only see darkness and deprivation. Probably too old to pick up a mate. Though not past it. It's so long since I've dated, and I do hat going to the cinema on my ownsome!

 

We're straying a bit from the original topic of this thread, so I started a new one: Gay Man, Straight Marriage -- Which Way is Forward. Hope to see you there!

 

I'm here. And there too.. Let's pick up on this tomorrow. So much unsaid, so much thought repressed. Lots to say, now.

 

Looked for your new thread Sevn. Couldn't find it in a search, but that's probably me doing the wrong thing. Can you send a link?