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Gay christians, is this a thing?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by ShiftyExtreme, May 12, 2018.

  1. ShiftyExtreme

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    A couple of weeks ago, my friend's uncle killed himself.
    Without context that might not seem like a very easy thing to swallow.

    But my friend is a christian and he comes from a big family of christians.
    He said that his uncle came out around when he was 20 something and their entire family frowned upon him. When I talk to my friends' parents and my friends family, they all seem to think being gay is a choice (I have tried arguing with them but they stand by their opinion) and so my friend, lets just call him chris, his uncle found a woman and married her for a couple of years until he ended his own life.

    I think he forced himself into it. The family pressure. The possibility of going to hell (which i dont personally believe in) and everything else. Chris said his uncle specifically didnt like woman. And I sorta find it sad that it had to end this way.

    Is this something thats commonplace with gay christians? I hope not.
     
  2. Blast

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    I cant speak to the statistics but, yes, this is a known thing that occurs more frequently than it should.

    On the other side, there are many churches out there who accept LGBT people (and I mean, actually accept them, not this hate the sin love the sinner bullshit).

    I believe that the Anglican Church of Canada is taking steps forward in marriage equality and has many high ranking gay (and married) members including Bishops.
     
  3. Miaplacidus

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    I don't think you have to believe in a given church's teachings to be a Christian, as Christianity is defined by belief in the, well, "son-of-God-ness" of Jesus Christ. One can be a Christian without attending a particular Christian church.

    We don't really know much about Jesus Christ himself, but from what we know of him, he was a very forgiving, understanding fellow -- unlike some of his followers.
     
    #3 Miaplacidus, May 12, 2018
    Last edited: May 12, 2018
  4. QueerTransEnby

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    I am bi and a Christian. I have attended an LGBT affirming conference that is nationwide. Don't know if I should give the name of it. We exist and are everywhere.
     
  5. quebec

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    ShiftyExtreme.....Unfortunately it is common. I did it. I became a Christian at the age of 8. It was my decision as my mother and step-father did not go to church. Because it was my decision I was very sincere and very serious about it. By 13-15 years old I knew I was gay (homosexual in those days - 1960's). Two weeks after I started college my step-father died in a car accident. My mother sold our house in Washington State and moved to Oklahoma where she grew up. I was left at college in Washington by myself, essentially orphaned at 17. In anger over what had happened I turned my back on religion, accepted that I was gay and came out. At 18 I met a boy who I fell in love with. We were inseparable until he died about four years later. I was devastated and turned back to religion. I thought that I could "choose" to be straight and gave up being gay. The trauma that I had been through eventually caused me to repress the memories of when I was out from 17-22. At 25 I met a girl that I thought I liked...ok I did like her, but I don't think that I loved her. At 27 we got married. On July 1, 2018 we will have been married 40 years. I have three grown sons and four grand children. I always found myself staring at cute boys/handsome men, even though I had blocked the gay memories. I told myself that I liked the way they dressed, cut their hair, etc. By about 40 or so I began to realize that I liked a lot more than how they dressed. But I was a member of a conservative church and that just couldn't be. So I hid those feelings from everyone....including myself. That caused depression, self-hate, guilt and shame. It just got worse and worse over the years. By the time I was 60 in 2010 our society had changed so much....now LGBTQ topics where in the news and discussed everywhere. At that time I knew for sure that I was gay but still continued to pretend that I was straight. The depression plus health issues was getting so bad that my "mask" was slipping. At age 64 I hit the final crisis. On Dec 25, 2014 I was looking at a full bottle of 90 Percocet pain pills and my computer with the empty closets page up. I decided to give EC one chance and posted a plea for help. I gave it 10 minutes as I didn't think I could wait any longer before taking the pills. So yes...that is what being a Christian who pretends they are not gay can end up doing. Empty closets And the people here saved me that night. Now I am a Christian who is out to his very loving wife and oldest son. I know now that Christ would have NEVER been in favor of treating people the way so many churches the LGBTQ people.
    .....David
     
    #5 quebec, May 13, 2018
    Last edited: May 13, 2018
  6. PatrickUK

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    Much depends on the church that Christians are aligned to and the way they read the Bible (there is more that one way).

    I am a practising Christian, but I see no tension whatsoever between my faith and my sexuality. I'm openly gay to all members of the church and they know I am married to another man and have been nothing other than accepting. Sadly this is not how it works for some LGBT Christians who face shaming, hostility and ostracization, and by extension are at high risk of suicide.
     
  7. Joe2001

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    I don't think that Christianity and LGBT people can go together.
    From my perspective, I grew up Catholic and I feel as if I would be looked down upon if people there knew if I were gay. Certainly not a loving and accepting church (and not only to LGBT people). I've just given up on religion as I don't think it does any good.
     
    #7 Joe2001, May 13, 2018
    Last edited: May 13, 2018
  8. flitterpad

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    Unfortunately I think it is, and I'm very sorry to hear about your uncle. I'm Christian but I've never had a problem with being queer due to my religion- in fact, it was kind of comforting to me to know that God would love me just the same. I think it just depends on how you are raised but Christians are often raised in conservative homophobic environments.
     
  9. flitterpad

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    Also tbh quite a few bigoted and sometimes homophobic people I've met are atheists and I've met religious people who are very accepting and open minded. The most homophobic person I've ever personally known was an atheist.
     
  10. Chip

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    Yes, there are a lot of really ignorant and bigoted Christians. There are also a lot of loving and accepting Christians, and there are Christian churches that welcome gay couples and some that are mostly gay people.

    That said... the issue here is less about christianity and more about intolerance and lack of acceptance. Almost any form of rejection causes shame for people. In this person's case, the loss and constant judgment of family made him feel like life wasn't worth living. The screwed up part is, his family probably won't take responsibility for what was largely their fault. It's sad, but this is why connection and empathy and nonjudgment are so important to everyone we see. We don't know what they are going through, and sometimes a few kind words might be the difference between life or death for someone on the brink of suicide.
     
  11. Joe2001

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    I think that this story is really tragic, but it does highlight the discrimination that LGBT people face from almost every religion, whether that is Christianity, Islam or whatever else. I can't think of any churches that are in favour of LGBT people, and maybe this man would still be alive today if these Christians showed this "unconditional love" that they allegedly give. It is so important that you don't hurt others for being who they are, as people can be pushed to breaking point and it can end in tragedy.
     
  12. PatrickUK

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    Try the Scottish Episcopal Church. The Church of Scotland has also made significant advances towards the full inclusion of LGBT people. Put those two churches together and you cover a significant part of the Christian base in your country. Scotland is the best place in the UK for LGBT Christians.
     
  13. Joe2001

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    I was never planning to actually practice a religion as an adult, but I am glad that those two churches have stepped up and are in favor of LGBT rights. I would definitely say that the Catholic Church is a no-go zone for any LGBT person. I'm thinking of a way to formally leave the Catholic Church when I am 18.
     
    #13 Joe2001, May 14, 2018
    Last edited: May 14, 2018
  14. Caraldo

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    It also depends on how anyone is defining Christian. Many who call themselves Christians are not seen as such by others. Some people are atheist, but are Christian by philosophy. The church in which I was raised was never violently anti LGBTQ but not affirming either. I did feel the need to repress my sexuality to my family in part to my faith. The final nail in my refusal of self acceptance was when my parents attended a wedding between 2 women performed in our church by our minister. I felt no more need to hide from my family.
     
  15. Destin

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    I've struggled with Christianity a lot after discovering being gay and seeing how quickly I was shunned and considered sick by people who I thought cared about me. The southern Baptist church is unforgiving and entirely intolerant of being gay, and I don't feel I can ever associate myself with them again after how they made me feel. I was taught that being gay is a choice so never really thought much about their mistreatment by the church - since I thought they could just choose to stop being gay but willfully disobeyed anyway so deserved being treated differently. I was obviously very wrong.

    Now I understand that it isn't a choice, and intolerant people using religion as a way to harm vulnerable people and make them hate themselves is truly evil. The worst part to me isn't what they do, it's how they make you feel like you're fundamentally broken and undeserving of being cared about. Being mean is one thing, but making a person think their very existence is sinful and that they'll never be able to escape it or live in peace is just abusive. That's what causes suicides.

    The name for Christianity before it was called that used to be 'the way of love'. I think religious organizations have put too much emphasis on rules and punishments, and lost sight of the original purpose - caring for each other out of basic love for other humans. That's what being Christian means to me - trying to do the best I can to help others feel better. I can still do that while being gay, so I don't believe that LGBT and Christianity can't go together like someone mentioned earlier.
     
  16. Biguy45

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    I’m bi and Christian though I’m not out and not active with guys
     
  17. kkou

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    Hi Destin!
    Sadly, what you said is true. I'm from a pretty strict Christian family, which can be tough at times because of my sexuality. I'm only out to a few people and don't plan on coming out to most of my family because of their strong beliefs, but here's what I think: like you said, Christianity (and many other religions such as Islam and Buddhism) are centered around love and acceptance. While there are some passages in the Bible that go against homosexuality and other debatable topics, the Bible wasn't written by God- it was written by humans. More specifically, it was written by scribes ages ago, who made a very small percentage of the population at the time. Humans are imperfect, and ideologies have changed a lot since then. Throughout the Bible, God shows his love towards everyone, even people who have committed crimes or taken on jobs that were (and are still) looked down upon. Christians believe that God loves sinners, and being gay isn't even a sin, so in theory, God must love us too. We're told to love one another, and loving people of the same sex is just as loving as caring for people of the opposite sex.
    Faith can be a great pillar, but when interpreted in certain ways, it can lead to terrible things. People always find ways to justify their actions, and unfortunately, religion is one of the most commonly used justifications for harm.
    More often than not, LGBT and Christianity don't mix well together, but they can work well together.
    This is only my interpretation, but I hope it helps!
     
  18. ShiftyExtreme

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    Oh, no it wasn't my uncle, it was my friend Chris's uncle. Sorry if that was a bit unclear :cold_sweat: but thanks anyways :slight_smile:
    Yeah, chris's family just told their kids how much of a sinner he was for ending his life like that and told them not to be like that or they'll go to hell, It sucks really :frowning2: Now I feel like i cant really come out to chris despite being friends with him for so many years.

    Thats great caraldo :slight_smile: Its pretty insightful,

    Thanks for all the responses guys. I think I have a better idea of how the church and Christians view the issue. Its not all black and white apparently.
     
  19. PatrickUK

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    @Destin @kkou - good responses! Faith can be a source of comfort, hope, joy, strength and community that is much needed in the lives of so many people and it's incredibly sad that the poisonous and ignorant preaching of ultra-conservatives can drive people away from all of that - probably when they need it most.

    The one thing I try to stress in threads like these is that all churches etc. are not the same. If you've only experienced one denomination, look again.