Polyamory?

I think it's interesting but not really my cup of tea. I always think it's interesting how much people on this forum seem to feel like it's the new normal in the LBGT community. I have to admit I really don't know many people who would identify that way IRL. If that's what floats your boat, though, and everyone's honest and upfront I don't see why it wouldn't work.

 

I don't care what anybody does as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

Though, I really don't think it can work. Having one balanced relationship is hard enough, so I couldn't imagine a polyamorous one. I would imagine it's pretty difficult to make sure everybody is happy in the relationship and that no one is jealous.

 

I am like cat on the wall on this subject.
Though I identify as bisexual, there are certain aspects of the relationship I am not comfortable with and I can get pretty distant sometimes.
If I ever enter a relationship, it will be a polyamorous one. Having two or three people, not more than that, will help my partner, if not myself.

This all works in my head, not sure will do in real life. Like I said, cat on the wall.

 

With me and my boyfriend, we are in a relationship but we can kiss or fuck whoever we want. Its as simple as that for us

 

It would say it could be defined as both as holding hands, kissing, cuddling, going out together etc is all allowed.

 

I tried it, but it doesn't really seem to work. Resources are limited, like attention of a person, their time... I strive for a deeper, more meaningful bond, and it cannot be achieved without spending very much time together. I can fall for different people at once and don't see why it's not possible... but open relationships are too unstable for me. Too much worrying.

I would be inclined to say that whatever floats your boat, but having tried that, I am not sure how it can work well, tbh...

 

Just like I voted, I’m not polyamorous, but if that works for other people then cool
As for myself, I’m very monogamous (if I seek a relationship at all), so polyamory wouldn’t work for me. I’m not generally the jealous type, but if I’m with someone, then we’re together exclusively, and we don’t get to share

However, I’m open minded towards those who are polyamorous. If that’s the kind of love someone enjoys, I’m not one to judge them, and I accept that person fully

 

I think open relationships are perfectly fine, but I see no way for a fully poly relationship to work. It goes against human nature to try to treat multiple partners equally. It just can't work that way, people will always have a favorite and a least favorite no matter how hard they try not to. Eventually the people who like each other more will spend more time together and the third person will get left out one way or another.

 

It's a bit of a straw-man to analogise the bond you have with your partner with the one you have with your children.

But even putting that aside, there's always going to be a level of arbitrariness in emotions. A lot of parents do at some level prefer one child more than others. If you have a choice about whom to love, as opposed to a categorical obligation, you might want to limit the hurt and confusion of that arbitrary preferencing by keeping yourself monogamous.

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I really don't feel comfortable with either polyamory or open relationships. The first I just genuinely have never seen in practice. The fact it exists so rarely outside of misogynistic, possessive religious-cultural institutions rings a tiny alarm bell in my mind. I'll wait for better examples before dismissing the concept entirely.

I'm also not so comfortable with open relationships. I think particularly among gay men, among whom open relationships are comparatively common, there's been a distinction drawn between sex and love, which on the more extreme end, defines sex as completely devoid of affection or vulnerability.

I'm quite prudish on this but I do think that sex deprived of intimacy can be very harmful. I think it's one of the most significant harms of the sexual revolution. That doesn't really hold as well for polyamory but I think it's still somewhat applicable, to the extent that your intimacy has to be far more diffuse. Maybe that does work for some people. Most certainly couldn't manage that without loneliness and jealousy.

 

I am with Aussie. Most open relationships I have seen don't work. There seems to be some deception in what I have seen PERSONALLY. It's not like that for anyone I'm sure.

I understand people wanting one night stands. But call me old fashioned, but I can't share a man. I work hard at maintaining an emotionally healthy relationship before I even have sex. We get tested etc., and I just feel that whomever I sleep will respect the fact that I want to make sure we are free of STD's.

As far as others, they are free to do as they want provided that they are of legal age, and it is consentual.

 

I'm kinda split. I feel like with the right people, I could do a poly relationship, but it's not something I would actively search for, but if it popped up naturally, I wouldn't automatically be against it. I do draw a line between poly and open relationships. Poly means everyone involved loves everyone else involved. Open means you can see others outside the relationship. I could never be involved in an open relationship, to me it feels dishonest

 

I think you and I place the line between poly and open relationships in slightly different places. I believe that it is possible for there to be real love in an open relationship, and that none of those involved are in it just for sex. Let me explain my point of view using examples.

Adam and Ben are in love with each other. But Ben and Cory are also in love with each other. Cory and Adam, however, do not love each other and are not involved with each other. It isn't just sex, but it is a pair of overlapping open relationships.

If, on the other hand, in the example above, Adam and Cory were in love with each other as well, that would be a poly relationship.

If we were to add a fourth person, Danny, to the second example, who was in love with Cory but involved with neither Adam nor Ben, Danny would be in an open relatipnship, and the other three would be in a relationship that is both poly and open.

If Danny were in love with both Ben and Cory, but still not Adam, then both of relationships would be open and poly.

As I understand it, all four of the examples I just gave would be poly relationships by your definition because there is real love between each pair of lovers, while if any pair had been just FWB, they would have been open.

 

Yeah, it gets me on the STDs and babies too. And on the emotionaly healthy relationship part.

What I have seen is also like... you cannot trust the partner. Which completely misses the point imo. And if it does, the logistics get extremely hard and the cost gets way too high wrt returns.

I’m also not saying it cannot work for someone or under some special circumstances, but generally speaking... I’m sceptical for the reasons I mentioned.