I’m not really sure what to do... I’ve only ever had boyfriends/been with guys but I’ve lacked interest in that department for nearly ten years. I’m just not that fussed. I had sex with a guy for the first time this year. I’m 26. I wasn’t that into it and made no attempts to go for it again. I like some guys but I think I’ve been so conditioned to think that I’m straight that I’ve only focused on guys. I’ve always privately acknowledged that women are attractive. I’ve fantasised over women I know and I only ever watch lesbian porn. I go weeks without thinking about it but then I remember how much I like girls. I’m very focused on my career which is probably why I’ve ignored it for so long. I’m not sure if I’m bi or lesbian or even straight. I’ve tried online dating for women but recently my cousin broke up with her girlfriend so she’s now back on those sites and I don’t want her to see me on them before I’m sure about who I am and who I want to be with. I’m not out to anyone or spoken to anyone about how I feel. Has anyone been in a similar position or can anyone offer any advice? Thank you! P.S. It’s taken me months to write this ha!
Are you me? Seriously though. I can relate soo much with what you write, your story so far is nearly identical to mine. I thought I had crushes on men but when it came to dating my initial excitement fainted. I considered myself straight until I was 20. After a sudden exposure to a beautiful androgynous being which I met only briefly in a market a light switched in my head and I figured I like women. The most logical conclusion was that I was bisexual. I came out as bisexual to a few people after that. I didn't have sex until I was 24 -yes it was with a man- and it wasn't for religious reasons, I simply didn't feel what most women seem to feel about it and men in general. Then I had to break up with him because the relationship was suffocating me and I felt like it took out too much of me to make it work. Plus it made me all the more aware of how much I desired a female companion. I think my desire for women was one of the main reasons for my misery, but to say I am a lesbian and I won't try to date another man ever or marry one is another matter. I don't know what to do either, but out of all things, I try to be patient with myself. Talking with other supportive people here helps too. Doing things I love is great.
I can relate to almost everthing you wrote - only difference is that I kept trying to have sex with men (my bf) even after my first time wasnt all that (he is my first, I lost my virginity at 23). After about 6 months I started to relax more and that changed everything for me. I can now not deny that I truly enjoy sex with my bf. However, like you, lesbian porn is stil my favorite. Tbh, its the only thing I watch when I watch porn and when I want to get off quickly. Im not sure either what to make of all this. On the one side, some think that porn preferences dont say much about your orientation. In that case, maybe we are both straight, or mostly straight? On the other side, some think that porn is more or less the decisive factor when it comes to orientation .... in that case, maybe were Bi or lesbian? Personally, I have a hard time labeling myself as lesbian, just because i feel that it would dismiss the enjoyment and pleasure I experience with my male partner. Perhaps its a label you could be more comfortable with? You dont need to decide anything now though, thats at least what I am trying to tell myself. I guess "questioning" is also a legitimate lable! Thats what im going with for now
I’m 43 and started feeling like I was bi about 6 years ago. As time goes on I’m feeling like I’m leaning more towards gay. I am definitely noticing men more in public, all my fantasies now are about men and any time I look at porn now it’s strictly gay porn. It is still confusing some. I just feel like I need to find a man I like that I could develope a relationship with to confirm everything. Does anyone else feel like that?
I have some affinity with what you are saying. I noticed a bi side in my mid to late 20s, accepted myself as bisexual by 30 and a few years back considered that I might bi bi-gay orientation, which is confirmed now. I do not really look at guys in public but yes, gay porn gets me off. Unlike you however I have a lot of experimentation and a few secret relationships...I still have one now. And it confirms that while I'm still attracted to women I am predominantly homosexual in my desires and fantasies. I also prefer gay sex overall to straight sex.
It’s so good to know that there are people in a similar position! Are you out, out now? I’m thinking about talking to a friend about everything but feel like saying everything out loud sets it in stone which is kind of silly, I know.
I think questioning is definitely the label to go with for now! Re. porn: yeah it could totally be something separate to my orientation but most of the time the thought of being with a man physically does next to nothing for me.
