My girlfriend has been feeling really down/depressed lately. Yesterday she told me that I deserve better than her. I told her that she’s worthy of my love, which is true. I hate that she’s feeling this way. I’m feeling really helpless in this situation, as all I can do most days is just talk to her on the phone as we live apart currently. She’s been having self-harming/suicidal thoughts, too. This concerns me enough that I’m considering calling her psychiatrist and telling him what’s going on from my perspective. Any advice on this situation would be very much appreciated!
This is a tough situation - often, being a partner to someone who is struggling with depression makes you the most eager to help, but at the same time, being intimately connected to that person makes it hard to be an objective source of support. If you feel like your girlfriend is in danger of hurting herself, then speaking with professionals who are able to intercede would be appropriate. I would be careful about when you intervene and who you talk to specifically, but I don't think this is out of the question. My instinct is, if she is venting depressive thoughts (such as "I don't deserve you"), rather than engaging them ("yes you do"), which at some point requires you to tell her she's wrong, you could also try just reframing things ("it's not about deserving me or not - I'm with you because I choose to be with you"). She may or may not be receptive in the moment, but it might be a way of redirecting, rather than countering, her depressive thoughts. In general, in any case, the more people you can involve the better. Make sure she has a wide support network - many people she can talk with other than you. Having a psychiatrist is a good help. If she has been prescribed any medication, you can encourage her to keep up with it and help her keep track of schedules. The catch is, though, if extra help is needed, she's going to need to want that help in order for it to be truly effective. To that extent, she needs to be an active participant here. Hope this helps - keep posting!
