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Dealing with parents

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Notmuchtosay, May 6, 2018.

  1. Notmuchtosay

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    This may get a bit long whinded so apologies in advance. When I came out to my parents nearly a year ago, my mum had no problem with it but my dad was a completely different story. He cried for about 2 hours before he came back into my room where he told me he was “devastated”. My mum then asked me to not tell anyone I was gay until they had gotten used to it, which I thought was reasonable because it must have come as a shock to them, but I thought that that would take them 2 months max. Fast forward 11 months and not much has changed. The only time my dad was mentioned it to me was when he said that “I haven’t thought it through and how could I possible know at the age of 18”, about 3 days after I came out. This really surprised me because his brother is gay so I was sure he would have understood the struggle. I’ve spoken to my mum lots of times about what to do and how to get passed this stage with my dad because it’s really taking a toll on me. They still don’t want me telling people I’m gay(however I’ve told most of my friends) because we have to deal with “family first”. I just know myself that my dad is trying to pretend as if it isn’t there and if he doesn’t talk about it then maybe it will go away, which is obviously impossible. What’s probably annoying me the most is that I’m too afraid to even try and get with guys(I’ve never even kissed another guy before) because I don’t want to worsen my situation at home but the reality is I’m going to be 20 this year and I can’t keep living my life for my parents. Sorry about this long melodramatic story but does anyone have any advice they could share?
     
  2. ErickWolf

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    This might not be much, but I guess just know that you can probably move out soon, and that if they have a problem with you being you, it's their loss and their problem. They'll eventually have to get used to it since it's not gonna change, they just have to either eventually accept that fact or keep being in denial of something that shouldn't be such a big deal to them.
     
  3. quebec

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    Notmuchtosay.....Give your dad whatever time he needs....but be yourself in the meantime. If he won't talk about it, fine just let him pretend all he wants. However, you don't need to hide any longer. Be yourself...you're at the age when you can be out and be happy...do it!
    .....David :old_smile: :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #3 quebec, May 6, 2018
    Last edited: May 6, 2018
  4. Biguyjosh

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    Sounds like he is probably thinking you will change your mind so the longer he doesn't accept it the longer you're not out. It seems like they've had enough time to deal with it and if you're ready to be out to others and live your life then probably just let them know that you're going to start living your life.
     
  5. Love4Ever

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    It sounds like your dad is just in denial unfortunately. I am sure he WILL come round eventually, but how long they will take I can't say. You may have to just sit him down and talk to him. Explain to him that this delaying is hurting you and that you need to know he is on your side.
     
  6. Chip

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    I agree with Quebec and Lover4Ever. I think it's mostly denial, and perhaps some (unjustified) shame or embarrassment on your father's part.

    I'd say basically just live your life as you want to. 6 months ls already generous for you to put your life on hold so your parents can "adjust". A year is ridiculous.
     
  7. Ascendant

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    You have to just be yourself. Exposing him to the culture might help him readjust. Think of it like this: if you tell an unwilling student that they have as much time as they need to finish a project, they will procrastinate until the very last minute. If you keep giving them extensions on the due date, it will never get done. But if you have a set due date, they will have no choice but to accept that they have to do it and get it done, or accept failing.