After feeling like nothing was ever going to change yesterday, I unexpectedly ended up talking to my husband this morning. He was snuggling up to me and I started crying and then told him I loved him and didn't want to hurt him and that I am sexually attracted to women. He wasn't all that surprised and seemed relieved to finally know what's been going on with me. He held me while I cried and told me it was OK. That's the good part. I felt heard and loved and supported. The bad part is that I don't think this is going to change anything, at least not for awhile. He is fine with not having sex and seems to take it for granted that I might want to. He said the most important thing to him is that we are best friends and that I'm not leaving him and our child. I'm committed to remaining friends and good parents, but I am longing to explore other relationships and to be able to express myself authentically. Later I asked, what about sex, and he said he didn't know (and that if I happen to want to have sex with him, that's fine with him - men!). He worries that I'll get involved with someone and he doesn't want to be a lower priority. I get that. In all honesty, I'd probably feel the same way if he was entering a new relationship with someone too. We didn't explicitly say it, but what I gather from our talk is that he wants us to be open with each other and communicate better, but he's OK with me exploring sexually. It feels strange. I'm not sure I can be intimate with someone physically without a strong emotionally connection, plus, are there women out there who would be OK with something like this? So ... it's a big step and I have a ways to go.
It is such a big step. Well done! It sounds like it went as well as possible and that your husband is supportive. Hopefully with time and further discussion, you'll be able to find a situation that works for you both. Keep us updated.
Glad your husband is understanding to your situation and is open minded. It is awesome that he wants to keep going with marriage and to accommodate you. I told my husb a while back and it did not go well.. People are so different.. You raised a good point about emotional involvement when exploring. I am in dilemma about that too. Not long ago my husb said that if I do feel unfulfilled that i am, it may be ok with him if I got closer to a woman, but 'not in that way' (no clue what he meant by that. My thinking is that if I did explore, it gives him right to go and sleep with someone else too, and I may have a big problem with that, while in marriage. So I don't feel comfortable moving forward with this idea, until I'll be desperate/comfortable enough to completely change everything.
Well done, that's a great start at least. So long as it does not get quietly brushed under the carpet like my revelation did. I basically came out to my wife as bisexual 3 times these past 12 years, once when we first met, then 5 years ago when making up after she had been having an affair at work, and then 2 years ago when we had a big bust up, mainly over her wanting more sex and me wanting it to be more exciting and adventurous (i.e. actually wanting more than to be masturbated to erection before she got on me and rode me for 5 minutes until we both climaxed before rolling off and going to sleep), and I told her due to her lack of wanting a sexually more exciting life I had started thinking about guys...to which she just said "well if you keep on like that then you will have to see someone about it...because you can't be normal" (so you can imagine the kind of marriage I have had for at least 6 of those 12 years). Just don't let that happen to you hun, where you come out and want things to still be good and then your husband goes into denial, forcing you back into the closet and in denial again in the process.
What a really brave thing to do! That's so amazing and it sounds like it will be a huge amount of stress off you, at least for now. I really commend you.
First off congrats to you. I have a huge amount of respect for coming out. As for your question at the very end... I am not out to my wife. But in the searches I have done for men I’ve been very honest and up front that I am married. You can find potential partners that are ok with your situation but it’s extreamly rare. But then again that’s just my experience.
Hey there! I missed this somehow before. Good for you for being so brave, and your husband seems like a fantastic guy! I'm sure this was a relief to you to finally be able to confide in someone you obviously love. Now that he knows you can both come up with an arrangement that makes you both happy. Have you considered polyamory? You say you need an emotional not just a sexual connection with someone and your husband wants to feel included and still loved by you. Maybe you could find someone to add to your lives and family together? That way you'll both feel involved in the relationship and no one will feel like they are more or less important? Just something to think about. And as for would another woman be cool with that kind of arrangement, I am sure plenty would be. I for one, if I loved both the man and the woman, would be fine with a relationship like that.
I think I could be in a polyamorous relationship fairly easily, but based on past conversations (years ago), I don't think he would be open to it. I also get jealous easily, so in reality, I don't know if I could get the balance right. And right now I'm hung up on a woman who definitely would not be into that. I need to get over her, but I don't know how. Thanks for your support.
N No problem. I hope whatever you decide works out well for you. If you need more advice or a place to vent we're here.
Hi...you are brave enough to open up to your husband and i am happy he accepted amd understand you. The most important thing is both of you must be open to each other. Incase you want to date/meet a woman you should inform your husband. But i hope your husband will not be change. There's might be a possibility that he might look to other girls. But regarding that issue, both of you should talk about it. What are the things that both of you wants and dont like should be discuss. Communication is important. Goodluck to you. But always focus on your family also...
