Later in life switch

Yes I understand fully, and your analysis of your situation and your marriage is not dissimilar to mine. Thanks a lot, you sound like a cool person.

 

Wow...honestly, we sound so alike...it could be me mouthing those exact words. Everything you said is the same for me. If it was just about finding a more compatible, sexually adventurous version of my wife then it would be so much easier than having thoughts and feelings for the same sex.
Yes, the non sexual aspects of the relationship going downhill play their part of course, and the lack of love, closeness with each other, trust and respect are all important...and wrapped up with that is the wish that we both could have been a lot more open and honest about things, including my sexuality/ sexual orientation with her. And if she had been a lot more of an understanding and easy going person then i wouldn't feel the tension of having to keep that side of me so secret from her. And you know what? I wouldn't feel as dissatisfied with things, and probably less fixated on the same sex.
I kind of wish that she was openly bisexual. It would make us much more open and honest with each other, not to mention the increased sexual excitement. But hey how, that's life I guess.

 

Completely understand.
These revelations make me feel like you're my new bestie

 

Perhaps as we get older we get to know ourselves better and understand who we really are?

Although I’ve identified as Bi since I was a teenager I think I done a lot of things just to try and fit in. I think you have to be physically and emotionally ready to embrace your sexuality and sometimes that takes a long time?

 

Another thought: Perhaps sometimes we have to live through and experience the default narrative before we feel ready to pursue an alternative one.

 

That's definitely possible. I think that perhaps a combination of factors could come into play, and they are differently weighted for each person.

 

Does anybody else think that people might have various genes that predispose them to homosexuality and that these can be switched on or off?

 

I think that it's a combination of genes and hormones personally...hence why some days I feel gay while other days I feel straight, and some days I feel horny while others I feel no sexual feelings at all.

 

Boom. You hit the nail right on the head. (I mean, at least for me.)

 

When I was in a long term heterosexual relationship I didn't feel at the time that I wasn't fully expressing my sexual self. I genuinely believed that I was expressing all there was of me and that I was shy and not very expansive in a sexual sense - though I always knew I was an emotional person - but now I am with a female partner I actually daydream about doing things she likes to her...for the sheer pleasure of pleasing another person sexually. I am comfortable about imagining me as me in a sexual and fantasy scenario. In my very limited experience of different heterosexual I haven't been able to do that before... Also now my inhibitions are lower. I still have hang ups about parts of my body I don't like but I actually enjoy initiating sex acts on another. In particular I want to see her face and hear her and get as physically close as possible. I used to feel uncomfortable with the words "make love" - unaccountable irritated by them and preferred to talk in terms of "sex" or "fucking". Now I use all these words with no problem whatsoever.