Good afternoon, This is going to be a long story and I am not English (I'm Portuguese) so my English might not be perfect. I will put it into topics to make it easier to read. I want to thank in advance for your replies - I had a boyfriend of more than 5 years. We used to live in Portugal and 3 years ago we moved to the UK and we were living together since. - Things were good until the last 6 months were the sparkle kind of fade away. I still loved him though... - One week I went to Portugal to see my family and he stayed in the UK. When I came back I noticed a condom was missing as in the previous week it was on the floor (strange stuff) and I've put it back inside the box. Because it was on the floor, when I came back I went to check it, to notice it was missing. I spoke to a friend who spends 2 weeks with us every month and she said that while I was in Portugal he lied as he said he was doing night shift and wasn't. She noticed that cause he came back at 5 wearing normal clothes. When confronted with that he said he was out with a friend that was actually working. - When I confronted him with this he said he went out alone... Where I live everything closes at 2... I asked about the condom and he had it in his wallet. - In the same day a friend told me that while I was in Portugal he kissed a guy in the club (where everyone goes) and went home with him... I was devastated... I broke up with him.... - The next day, after thinking about stuff I asked him if it was just a silly mistake and that I was willing to forget... He was still talking to the guy though... I said he had to move out.... - One day I've discovered he was seeing the guy still and going to his house... We had a massive fight (literally) and no longer talking to each other after that... He said he didn't love me anymore and he left the house to meet the other guy - 1 week later we went to NYC (I had to go cause it was super expensive and other 2 friends were going). I ignored him like I did the previous days (I deleted his number, facebook, instagram etc cause I thought, he no longer loved me and I had to forget him) - On the second day in NYC he said it was hard not to talk to me and eventually kissed me in the lift... I kissed him back - We had sex 3 times there... We kissed... He said he only wanted sex... - When we came back to the UK he went to see the other guy.... I met someone in the meantime... He was dead jealous about it... I said to him that since he was still seeing the other guy he could no longer be with me... And I said I was happy meeting this new person (I was not and I know that was selfish).. After that, every time he would get home he would sleep in my bed... Every time he was at home he would try to kiss me or have sex... Would send me texts saying I was really important to him but he felt suffocated while he was with me... In the meantime he was still with the other guy... - 5 days ago he left the house to live in his new place... The night before we slept together... we had sex, we behaved like boyfriends... He said he didn't want to move out but that was the decision we made... - When he was in my house to collect the rest of his stuff we kissed again... I made him lunch... and then he said he was still seeing the other guy and they even went to London together.... I finally gained self respect and said, "you are picking your stuff and you will never come back again"... He left... 15 minutes later I left to meet the other guy I'm dating.... He said: oh... you are going back to him... shame on you.... running to his arms! I didn't reply. He tried to phone me l5 times and texted me several times. I didn't answer. Not anymore. - This is so hard... I still love him. I thought he was the love of my life and that we had already won. But I guess I was wrong... - To worsen things, we work together in the same place so I see him briefly every morning (cause he does night shifts and I do days). He tries to keep contact or stays too close to my bubble. - I told the other person about what happened in NYC and after. We are friends and I am happy I told him that... It's not like I cheated but.... I thought it was only fair to tell him. - The other guy is apparently in love with him.... He has no feelings whatsoever... Not like I have any sympathy for the other guy though.... Any advice? I am confused... My friends are sick of this story and drama. It has been dragging for 7 weeks now. It took huge proportions as it's a small environment... Everyone knows and everyone keeps asking or telling me stuff that happened the day he cheated. I have no peace of mind. I want to be with him but.... I want to love myself. And I feel that I haven't done that lately. Thank you guys
From what I hear from your post, you found out that your former partner was cheating on you, he's admitted it, and you broke up and he left the apartment where you previously lived together. I think you made the right decision in ending the relationship. After five years, it's not unexpected that that would take a while, or that the two of you would feel renewed affection for each other as the relationship ends (especially in NYC, where you are away from the context of daily lives). I don't think you did anything wrong here (though it's important to be careful to have safe sex at a time like that), and I would suggest that you accept it as part of the process of ending a relationship that lasted for years and that had you living, and moving to a new country, together. Dating someone new may be difficult at this point, but it's very good that you've told him everything that happened - starting out being honest is a good foundation. If you want to pursue this new relationship, I would be careful not to let anything else happen with your ex. It may be too early to start another relationship (you say you still have feelings for your ex, which is understandable), but if you can take things slow, it might help. It's too bad that you still have to see your ex (even if only a little) because of work, but it's good that it's only briefly. Speak to your manager and let them know that it's important that you two be schedule together as little as possible. Any communication you have should be strictly up to you in terms of how often it happens, how long it lasts, etc. You're handling everything well - just try to focus on the present: your new relationship, your friends, the rest of your life, and where it could take you in the future. Try not to focus on the past (i.e. your ex). In time it will get easier - this is all very fresh for you. But you will settle into new habits and patterns in life if you let yourself.
Hi. I think you need to give time to your self first, be a single as of the moment. Start to mingle or date with other guys. Your Mr. Right or the real love of your life not yet come to you. Remember true love can wait. Its difficult to forget your BF and also you work together. If there is no chance to change your areas/shift of work/designation better try to be strong and feel to move on. Life must go on. If you see him everyday give him smile and better less talk to him and try to mingle with other co-worker, it may be awkward, but i guess thats the best thing to do. Or else make your self busy. Time will come the right man will come to you and you can start to fall inlove again. Remember its not your own lost. Always be strong. He cheated you first and he did it many times. So better not to be marter. Take it easy my dear friend, there are more guys who deserve better for you. Try to start to forget your partner and make him as your EX-partner.
