I have a question

I'm bi and for me I was attracted to girls until about the 5th or 6th grade then I started to notice boys. I was confused and didn't know what was going on and thought geez I must be gay. But the attraction to girls never went away. About a year later or so I figured out that I must be bi after learning what it meant.

 

I've been attracted to both guys and girls and I've been fantasizing about them sexually since about either 6th or 7th grade (I'm a senior in high school now), and after going to see my gay therapist and realizing the thoughts weren't going away after 6 years I realized that this isn't just a phase and I will always be bi. That's how I figured it out.

 

If you imagine yourself in a relationship with a girl, how does that make you feel?

 

I think it's easier to figure things out with a crush. You can look at past events too though. Like, what makes you call it a crush rather than wanting to be her friend? Or merely respect? What is a crush to you? What is friendship?

I'm bi, and I figured things out because I had a super close best friend who I loved dearly. At some I fell in love but didnt know it. I found myself always wanted to be close, to be near. It felt so good to be close. When we got affectionate I kept wanting more, it was never enough. After awhile how I was affectionate and how I wanted to be with her wasn't platonic. Also allowing myself to explore fantasy, both relational and sexual helped.

In hindsight, I normally had one super close girl best friend. It was really hard on me if that friendship ended. Even while in denial I recognized that I wanted a lover like my best friend. I was either fixated, or later uncomfortable, with sexy women in media. I didn't recognize this until a friend pointed it out, but I always talked about women in really high regard and admiration.

I don't know your age, but sometimes people are just late bloomers too.

The best thing you can to is be open, honest, and explore. Don't shut yourself down from exploring your feelings. Be a scientific, see how you feel and what you desire.

If you can't figure things out, try to accept it as it. So you don't bash your head against a wall for answers that are simply not there. Living life will help you get to where you want.

 

And what about imagining being with a guy? The same? Different?


To comment on a point Cinnamon Bunny made, for me the way to identify between admiring someone and crushing on them is to perhaps imagine that they got a boyfriend, how would that make you feel. If you just admire them then usually that will make you happy for them. If you are crushing on them then it will probably make you jealous or sad.

 

I wasn't attracted to any gender until pretty late into my teens.
I had a crush on a girl in middle school but I wasn't significantly attracted to her.

I had my first same-sex crush in my junior year in high school.
It was rather unsettling at first, it was the first time that I felt romantically attracted to a guy.
In the nest few months, my attraction soon turned physical too, but I wasn't attracted to other guys.

Fast forward to my freshman year in college, I crushed on this girl, which turned physical sometime later.

After almost five years of questioning, I have realized that I'm probably bisexual, but I'm not attracted to either genders often enough to warrant that label.

It's frustrating sometimes but I've come to accept the fact that I do not have an easily defined sexual orientation.

 

Avian, II ca honestly hand on heart say that I was exclusively straight thinking, acting, feeling until my mid 20s. Not a gay thought that I can remember...unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your viewpoint) I hooked up with a bi-les girl who was sex crazy and also ultra kinky. I got engaged to her within a couple of years and soon afterwards her fantasies shifted just to me having sex with other guys, when we were making love...it felt so weird and alien to even think about those things at the beginning, especially during having sex with a woman...but you know what? I do not know if my social conditioning was thrown out of the window, or that she was doing her own form of conditioning on me, but I suddenly started to think about guys on my own...it obviously turned her on during sex, and turning her on turned me on also...but I found that I was looking forward to her gay fantasies, and it used to make me literally shiver with anticipation. She must have picked up on the fact that I was actually subconsciously into guys without even knowing it, and she teased me more and more about guys...the seed was planted and I became bi curious very quickly...I started to have heavier orgasms with her during sex when she was doing her gay sex fantasy routine...it was like a drug being administered to me, something that I didn't want at the start but couldn't live without after a while...I became a gay sex dreaming junkie! That relationship ended when she got pregnant from a one night stand with a guy and then ran off to Ireland to have a lesbian relationship with a woman who I am guessing became her partner and second parent to her child! But that left me getting into another straight relationship and marriage whilst occasionally experimenting with guys...a divorce and second marriage later, and I realised that I'm bi gay now...still attracted to women, but sexually much more interested in men. So it happens with people's sexuality shifting over time. Probably very often. I've experienced a lot with the opposite sex and a lot with the same sex, and I can say now that sexual attraction (as opposed to physical attraction and emotional attraction-wise, which I am more hetero) wise, I am a lot more homosexual than straight.

 

Yeah I think I get you. Do you feel like given the choice you would prefer to be with a girl? Everything else being equal.

 

Woohoo congratulations.

 

I think my story is a little weird. I had only briefly entertained the notion I could be bi. I read the term somewhere but then mostly forgot about it. For the next few years I flirted with the thought a little, but still never seriously considered it. It wasn't until much later I sat myself down and decided to ask myself WAS I capable of being attracted to women or not? Because I had thought about the word bisexual possibly applying to me, but not in the sense of actually being sexually attracted to women if that makes sense? It was only then I started trying to see what my sexuality was, to ignore momentarily my attraction to men and think outside heteronormativity. It actually took a lot of digging to find that I had hidden attraction to women I had not only never acknowledged, but I didn't even recognize I had! It just proved to me how deep heteronormativity runs, how we are SO steered to be straight that I had no CONCEPTION of this attraction AT ALL. So I only "found out" when I forced myself to actually think and evaluate my sexuality outside of the vacuum that is our environment. Otherwise, I might never have thought about it and I might think I was straight now. I realize though my story is not necessarily the norm, and that many people have this sense of having known for ever that I can't speak to.

 

I don't think your story is weird