I am sorry you are feling lonely. How come you dont have any friends then? All of my friends are people I know through my partner. I’m a bit of a loner and I tend to push people away a lot Thats why I dont have many friends.
They abandoned me after I came out a few years back. And my one friend that didn't died last year of undetected heart problems. So I've been alone and dealing with grief and depression and stress from work. I also tend to push everyone away as well. So I don't get hurt anymore. But I'm also kind of willing to give it another go.
I am so sorry that happened. My best friend rejected me also... worst thing is he wouldnt even talk to me to explain anything. I basically ran away from my hometown and didnt come out to any of my other friends after that. Oh god, I am really sorry that must have been absolutely terrible. Someone who I was in college with just suddenly dropped dead on a train platform on his way home... out of nowhere really (even though they knew they had a heart problem). Its really sad and scary stuff. May I ask what you work as? Been there long? Yeah, I probably do the same. But I think I have always pushed people away... not quite sure why. I think I do it mainly because I end up thinking I’m not very important to them and they probably dont like me anyway... Also, I seem to have this need to start over again for some reason.
No need to apologise. Not your fault. Wish I could afford to leave and start new somewhere else, and go back in the closet. Too late now though. Yeah. It just happened one night. Then we all got the call. Hardest thing for me was that I wasn't involved in his funeral, I mean, I got to go. But we were closer than brothers, and I wasn't allowed to speak at his service. I wasn't allowed to lower him down into the ground. Anything, I was totally pushed aside and people who barely knew him got to help. I work as a freight sorter. About 4 months. First Job I've been able to get in years. So I can't exactly leave. I've always felt unimportant to people as well. Growing up I was never included. Everyone else was always better than me. So that lead to me pushing anyone who did show interest away no matter what.
I didnt to back in to the closet when I left. I fully came out to everyone in my new area. It was very liberating for people to know the real me and for me not to really care that much if they liked it or not either way. How come you werent as involved? Was it just the family taking over like they do sometimes in these sort of situations or was it something more than that? I have never done any work like that - It sounds very physically and mentally draining. I work in a supermarket. Its alright... if only the hours were more stable like they used to be. Yeah, I always felt like an outsider in most groups too, even though people were always nice to me. I never really thought anyone was necessarily better than me though... in fact, during my teen years, I probably thought I was better than them for the most part LOL
I´m so sorry for you, I also tend to push people back, because since I came out to my friends, they told me it was not a big deal, but now the all are gone and they don´t want to talk to me anymore, I push people away, not because I want to, but because I don´t want to feel the same beeling of loss and dereliction again...
Hey I am sorry about that. I don't really have a lot of friends either and I have trouble making lasting friendships. I meet people at school but usually whenever the semester ends we don't keep in touch and then I am back to square one having none. It sucks. It also doesn't help that my best friend's family is insanely religious and very homophobic, and she's never around so it's really hard to be friends with her honestly.
