Am I racist to do so?

The denial of racism?

 

Yep, you are in fact racist.

But here is the thing, most of us are. That is the honest and ugly truth. Most of us were raised in a world that elevates the physical features of white people and downgrades physical features of people of color. If you think you are immune to it then you are delirious.

The thing is that attraction doesn't exist in a vaccum.

We learn and are taught what we are attracted to. We don't grow up naturally being attracted to women who shave their legs or have amazing eyebrows. We aren't born being attracted to abs instead of a belly. We aren't born naturally being attracted to white features over black features. Those are taught.

No one is asking you to date someone who you aren't attracted to, but you can unlearn some very toxic thinking about attraction.

I'm a latino man who has lived in the United States. I live in Florida which means almost 40% of people around me are people of color. I have NEVER dated or been interesting in a guy who wasn't white. That shit isn't luck, I look for white features. My husband is a white man. And yes my attraction to white people comes from internalized racism. Its that simple.

Does it mean I should divorce my husband? Fuck no, but it does mean that I have to understand how I'm complicit of racism, where it comes from, and how to make sure I don't do damage to other people by it. I also try really hard to unlearn my toxic behavior.

You can't have a preference of not dating black people. What exactly is your preference? Why do you think your brain just naturally doesn't like a certain pigment over others? You truly think that has nothing to do with racism?

Liking a certain color eyes, hair or no hair, weight, etc is all socially conditioned. If you live in a racists society, you are also socially conditioned into liking white European features on other people.

 

I'm in the same position. I'm Indian and attracted mostly to white guys. I've put it down to being surrounded by white people my entire life having been born in the south of England and during my childhood I barely saw other brown people/black people.

At the end of the day, it's a preference. You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone of a certain colour as much as you can force yourself to be attracted to someone of a certain gender. It would only be considered a problem though if yourd met them and got along well and your sole reason for rejecting them was your skin colour. I've been with my boyfriend now for over a year and he's Indian even though my 'preference' is white, don't close yourself off from anyone is all I can say, you never know what could hapoen happen.

 

First, I know Exactly what Racism is... And you imply that because someone is white they've never experienced it ... which is False. and both of you obviously did not read my post, and have put words in my mouth that I didn't say. Racism will never go away, because there are people of EVERY Race who are racist.

I can also tell you that compared to 40 or 50 years ago the Racism I see today not only through my own eyes, but through the eyes of my Black, Indian, and Puerto Rican friends (to name a few) Racism isn't gone, but isn't some big spectre overshadowing every aspect of their lives as you describe either.

I've served in the military alongside literally dozens and dozens of different races, put my life on the line for any and all regardless of color and trusted all to do the same for me. Worked closely and called people my friend and as a leader put their needs above my own, and trained and mentored so that hopefully any people who served under me were not as good as I was at my job when they got to the same point in their career as I was, but better and more capable than I. My Best Man was Black, I've had Black Significant Others, Best Friends, The Woman who took care of and whom I entrusted with the most precious thing in my life - My Children as a single parent working shift work and who was like a Grandmother to them was Black. I worked for Black, Puerto Rican, Indian and Asian (again just to name a few) Supervisors, Managers, Department heads and Vice Presidents, Officers and more and treated No One any Different. But yet because I am white you have pretty much flat out stated that I'm a racist and cannot even begin to understand what racism is.

I agree to disagree. You want to change the world? Get out in it and instead of attacking anyone with different views than your own educate and show them by example. Been there Done that too. A good friend of mine who was a different race than I would go at it and call each other every racist and offensive thing we could think of at work... People who didn't know us would cringe.. and even try to get far enough away that they could in no way be somehow associated with our "Racist" and "Prejudiced" behavior. And we would laugh at ourselves and each other because we were pointing out the stupidity of the whole situation for everyone to see. And I am sure that if either of you had witnessed our exchanges you would have lost your minds and blown a gasket... And we both would have laughed at you and walked away as friends. Not as black white but as people who didn't allow race to define us. So Bash, Flame, Hate and Accuse some more if you like. You won't get a reply because nothing positive would come of it.

 

@MzMrAlexa I have perfectly read your post and had you read mine you would have known that I never called you a racist. I said that stating that racism is overrated and insinuating that people and media use the black card for their own agenda is dangerous. And it is. Racism doesn't exist in all races, I have explained why (while you failed to explain how it does) and you can keep repeating it does, that won't make it anymore true. Trying to shut down the experience of someone of color and actual facts just because you are friends with X, Y and Z who are black instead of reconsidering your statements and how they may have come across is exactly making my point.

I am sorry, but again, unless you are a person of color yourself you cannot fully comprehend what being a person of color can entail (not least because each individual is different), you would not expect a straight cis man (regardless of whether or not he had gay friends) to fully comprehend the journey and mixed feelings and emotions a gay or transgender person go through. Can his gay friends give him a pretty good insight? Yes. But does he get to fully comprehend it and experience it like they have? Absolutely not.

I am mixed race, my mother is Caucasian she is soon to be married to a black man and she has 4 mixed race kids but it would be silly to say she fully gets what racism is and thank god she would never claim she does. She acknowledges that despite dating people of color and having mixed race kids she still happens to be caucasian. She may have a pretty good insight of what racism can look like in the current modern world through us and the people she dates but she knows full-well she cannot actually experience it in the way we do. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that. In fact it's very much needed. The same way I have family members in the military who gives me great insight on what a soldier life must be like but I wouldn't dare say I know full well what it's like to be on the front line risking my life and seeing good friends die or be injured nor the sensation of pulling the trigger on someone just because my brother or uncle are in the military and have gone through it as I am sure you would be raising an eyebrow if I did and would be quick to tell me I can't actually know what it's like unless I am there living it (and you would be right).

I agree that racism isn't as bad as it used to be but it's not because it has stopped being acceptable to lynch black people in the streets and force them to sit at the back of the bus that we shouldn't still be outraged at any type of discrimination that still occur towards minorities as small as they may come across when compared to former historical times. Especially with the rise of extremist parties once again all over Europe and Trump governing the US.

If me giving my humble opinion and sharing my experience as a mixed race person (whose pretty much entire family, friend group etc... Happens to be Caucasian btw) comes across as hating, flaming and bashing you to you then tough luck. Sorry facts come across as offensive to you and that suggesting that you may need a bit more educating on a subject you have no full grasp on (as seen by your posts) is seen as bashing you.

Good on you for being so inclusive and surrounding yourself and your kids with such an array of different people, it's awesome and I have no doubt that you aren't racist (hence why I never called you one) but it doesn't take away the fact that posts like your initial one can be harmful.
So instead of taking offense at people pulling you up on things that affect them, why not try and see things from their perspective?

 

@smurf your post was incredibly interesting and definitely made me reflect on my own thoughts-pattern so thanks for sharing!

 

On its own, such action is not immoral. Whether it's a mere preference, or a symptom of something larger such as internalised racism, well, I don't know, and I won't judge..yet.

 

Everyone has a type. Caucasian men are yours. I don't see anything wrong with that.

 

@cuteboyever I have struggled with this myself, being a black person I have felt that I was being racist towards my own people. But I think its just a preference, I like white guys and Asian woman. I am 100% open to relationships with other people those are just the people who catch my eye first I don't know why it just is. And I think as long as you know you don't hold any hate or animosity towards any other group you should be good to go.