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Trans gal in need of some sagely advice from older gay gentlemen

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Rhianne, May 2, 2018.

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  1. Rhianne

    Rhianne
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    Hello everyone,

    I am a transwoman in her early 40s, I've been out since late last year and have shed my old life and persona completely. I am currently on HRT and live and work en femme.

    Anyway, here's my story. I met and fell madly in love with a 72yo gay man this weekend.

    He doesn't know, but he probably has his suspicions. He is a veteran of the crazy gay scene back in the good old bad old days, and he is red-bloodedly gay. That is, he has never slept with a woman and has no interest.

    Now, I started my transition late in life and the boy in me is very evident (a handsome boy too but I'm doing my damndest to kill him off). That said, my boobs are budding and that could be a turn-off along with the female clothing and whatnot.

    I'm at that point where my dysphoria is under control and I am integrating the inner and outer, emotionally speaking.

    Well, until this man came along. I'm smitten but the idea that he finds the boy in me attractive is causing me a lot of dissonance.

    Anyway... It's not about me. I could use some input on what might be going on in his head and whether it's worthwhile pursuing. Obviously it's different for everyone but there's a shared gossamer thread that binds us all and I could use some insight into his life and times, not only as a pure-blooded gay man, but also one 31 years my senior.

    Many thanks in advance,
    Rhianne
     
    #1 Rhianne, May 2, 2018
  2. Richard321

    Richard321
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    Maybe he likes you for who you are right now and for how you are right now... Go find out. You might be very pleasantly surprised.
     
    #2 Richard321, May 2, 2018
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  3. Rhianne

    Rhianne
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    Dear Richard,

    I'd hate to spoil anything. Even just the way I'm feeling, even in secret, is a throwback to my own younger days and my silly feelings are knocking me for a six.

    I know that nothing will happen unless one of us does something, but our digital exchanges have been short and he doesn't seem to be making any attempt at pursuit. In fact, the impression I'm getting is one of arms' length, but that could be down to the fact that he's older and his methodology (as it were) is unexpected.

    Oh god I'm overthinking it.

    :slight_smile:
    Rhianne
     
    #3 Rhianne, May 2, 2018
  4. Richard321

    Richard321
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    Be honest. Be you. As I said, you may well be very pleasantly surprised. It's his loss if he doesn't like you for who you are. Who you are can transend everything.
     
    #4 Richard321, May 2, 2018
  5. Rhianne

    Rhianne
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    I'm going to blame you if I eff it up, kay? :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Rhianne, May 2, 2018
  6. Richard321

    Richard321
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    How far away is he?
     
    #6 Richard321, May 2, 2018
  7. Rhianne

    Rhianne
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    480km, one way.
     
    #7 Rhianne, May 2, 2018
  8. MzMrAlexa

    MzMrAlexa
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    While I'm not gay, I can relate. I'm a late bloomer myself (funny how many people in my age group are... but then Societal Norms and information can have a very profound effect, as can peer pressure).

    After I started discovering and embracing myself (after my 2nd divorce as a single parent) when I started dating (hetero) I tried to come out to a couple of different different partners and always got the "But you don't do that anymore do you?" treatment, and those relationships didn't work.

    It was then that I decided that I would not live a dual life or hide myself and that if I started to get close to anyone romantically I would come out early on and let the chips fall where they may. Long story short, when I met my last wife that is exactly what I did. At first she was very taken back, but the chemistry was there and in the end we got married. One of the things that she told me that I've held onto is that she had always told her kids that "Love is where you find it".. and that when I came out to her she either had to choose to live by those words, and accept me ~ or Not and walk away. What followed was special, but eventually ended for other reasons.

    I guess the point I am trying to make is that if there is chemistry, and if this man is open minded enough to go beyond definitions and allow himself to enter a relationship with you that relationship should be allowed to define itself without either of you trying to fundamentally change who you are. You likely will have to decide if you want to embrace some of the male aspects of yourself (if you realize that it's right and beneficial to you to do so- and it sounds like this man has triggered something that you were not aware of or have not previously experienced), and by the same token he has to be open minded enough and hopefully find that there are things inside him that perhaps he has not seen or experienced with the right person as well and allow himself to find love where it is at as well, which can be a difficult thing no matter who you are.

    I know this isn't really answering the question you posed, but if I were in your shoes I would approach him and let him know that although you're not attracted to gay men you are to him and ask him if he's felt the same pull, and if that is the case open the door and let him know that your willing to find love where it may be if he is. It may be the start of something very memorable if there is something there and transcending those boundaries is right for both of you. If you don't then you will never know.
     
    #8 MzMrAlexa, May 2, 2018
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  9. Rhianne

    Rhianne
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    I finally spilled the beans to him in a flood of emotion. His response was inscrutable and leaves me no wiser either way.

    "Day by day... A bit like Doris Day"
     
    #9 Rhianne, May 2, 2018
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  10. Woodswoman

    Woodswoman
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    You could just ask him what he means by that. I actually would take his response as quite encouraging if I'm interpreting it correctly to mean slow down, one day at a time. Just take a deep breath and try to relax. He knows how you feel now...give him time to process everything and decide what he wants to do about it. Hugs and I hope you find what you're looking for.
    :slight_smile:
     
    #10 Woodswoman, May 2, 2018
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