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Do I need to tell my roommate I like the ladies?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Soundofmusic, Mar 15, 2018.

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  1. SevnButton

    SevnButton
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    #21 SevnButton, Apr 28, 2018
  2. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Good to be back!
    My diet has just been out of whack and i feel like im gaining weight. My scale is broken lol so i cant tell for real. I got a haircut before moving that makes me feel very unsexy and overall I just feel kinda gross. people in nyc is sooo pretty. I dont want to fall into the trap of comparing myself but ive never been good at not doing that.

    And then i feel like i hate my clothes. People at work keep complimenting me on my style which is nice but its also hard for me to believe. Idk just not feeling great about how i look overall and of course that carries over to my desire and disposition to date
     
    #22 Soundofmusic, Apr 29, 2018
  3. silverhalo

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    Yeah I get all of that but I'm sure it really is just all of your insecurities talking. I mean your hair cut is changeable, even if it needs to grow a little first, secondly I'm sure you haven't gained that much weight and I'm sure your diet will settle down. You are right, don't compare yourself to others it is never positive, everyone is an individual and beauty is not all about what is on the outside, I'm not saying your outside isn't also beautiful but what you have on the inside is more important and I think essentially it's not for you to decide what other people find attractive, if people are complimenting you then take that and run with it, there is no reason for them to do it unless they mean it. Believe in yourself you have so much to offer.
     
    #23 silverhalo, Apr 30, 2018
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  4. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Yeah of course I agree with everything you’re Saying. I just wish I could ignore my insecurities and give dating a shot. I met this girl online who looks just like cecily strong and like i really wanna go out with her but also im really hesitant
     
    #24 Soundofmusic, May 1, 2018
  5. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Ok so what's your biggest fear?
     
    #25 silverhalo, May 1, 2018
  6. idsm

    idsm
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    Hey you are back! We were wondering about you, you know!

    First things first, congrats on your one month anniversary!

    I think you have a lot on your plate right now. Just chill a little bit and take one step at a time.

    Settling on your apartment, job and new life in general are the first things to consider. Practical things come first.
    Then it's about you and who you want to be (both on the inside and outside). You can gradually make lifestyle changes, pick up hobbies and new interests etc.
    And after that, it's about adding others in your life (be it friends or love interests).

    Trying to do it all at once might be the reason you get overwhelmed and all insecurities resurface.
     
    #26 idsm, May 1, 2018
    Last edited: May 1, 2018
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  7. SevnButton

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    Hey @Soundofmusic !
    I keep thinking there must be some ways in NYC for you to be around LGBT people without the pressure of dating. Like, San Francisco has the Gay Men's Chorus, and some cities have LGBT resource centers that sponsor events and need people.
    Good luck! I'm cheering for you!
    Hugs-
    =Sevn
     
    #27 SevnButton, May 2, 2018
  8. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    I guess that she will find me unattractive. That i wont know what to do.

    Also, im hardcore crushing on this woman at work. Shes totally straight but i get sooo neevous around her. We dont work together at all thankfully and i barely see her but when i do, i feel like a derpy teen haha.

    Anyways, i do wanna reinforce how absolutely thrilled i am to finally be living here!!
     
    #28 Soundofmusic, May 3, 2018
  9. silverhalo

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    Ok well her finding you unattractive doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you even if she did, we can't help who we do and don't find attractive. Have you spoken to her at all?

    Haha that's funny with the woman at work, sounds like your hormones are in overdrive.

    Woohoo for New York :slight_smile:.
     
    #29 silverhalo, May 4, 2018
  10. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Im looking for orgs to join and stuff. Definitely think this might be the best approach!
     
    #30 Soundofmusic, May 4, 2018
  11. SevnButton

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    Hey @Soundofmusic -
    I guess the workplace crush is just one of those things we have to deal with, and keep appropriate so that it doesn't get in the way of work. There are two guys that I work with who I'm really attracted to, but it would be totally inappropriate for either of them to know. So I'm just staying focused on what's important.
    =Sevn
     
    #31 SevnButton, May 4, 2018
  12. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Oh yeah i would absolutely never say anything and i guess im not really out at work anyways. We just dont talk about anything personal. Its more about my mental state when i see her lol. I think i def am super hormonal
     
    #32 Soundofmusic, May 4, 2018
  13. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    I have and she asked me out. I havent replied.
     
    #33 Soundofmusic, May 4, 2018
  14. silverhalo

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    I'm sorry what part of that makes you think she is not attracted to you?
     
    #34 silverhalo, May 4, 2018
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  15. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Its more about what she’ll think when she sees me in person.

    Ive never felt heavier than i feel right now (even tho im the same weight- there just arent a lot of people with “curvy” bodies around me)

    Also, i went to a lesbian round robin type event. It was fun! I met a ton of women. No one that id probably hang with but it was still nice to meet new people. But i did feel out of place. Like is it unrealistic of me to expect any lesbians to be into me when im girly af and also on the heavier side? It seemed like everyone was gravitating toward the more masculine presenting women. UGH i dont wanna be this insecure but i also feel like this is the only place i can voice this kind of stuff.
     
    #35 Soundofmusic, May 12, 2018
  16. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Maybe that's why she was chatting to you though because she is sitting there thinking where are all the feminine curvy girls!! I know it's tough but when you meet someone they have to like you for who you are and if you are curvy then that's cool be curvy. It's difficult to be confident I know but you have to trust a little in others which is tough because it makes you vulnerable. Don't assume you know what other people want. Everyone likes different things.
     
    #36 silverhalo, May 12, 2018
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