I haven't used this sight since I was 14,holy moly time flies.I'm 16 now and way more mature.My last post was me being confused on if i was gay or not (spoiler alert,I am!) Lately something has been concerning me.My gender identity.I know i was born a woman but honestly,I don't like it.I was always the tomboy when i was younger.I was the little girl holding up her hair behind her head in the mirror to see what i'd look like if i was a guy.I liked it too.After my mom died my freshman year,I felt like i had to make up for being "a bad daughter" so I'd wear pink and dresses and makeup and whatnot.But it isn't me.I look in the mirror and for some reason i hate my body.I don't know why.I see the boys on my cross team and i wish i could run like them. But things confuse me.I still love relaxing baths,I love flowers,floral scents(and cologne too) I love to snuggle up in bed and watch tv with my girlfriend.There are still aspects of me that make me think.Hey,I'm still a girl. Could anyone help me clear this up?
I feel this so much. As a kid i was a geeky sort of tomboy. I hated pink and princesses and loved space and dinosaurs and animals and reading and i played outside a fair bit, but i was never sporty. I played mostly cause my mom wanted me to do something outside of school and sports was all our small little town had. As i grew i still liked those things but i also liked anime and video games, especially video games. But i also came to like stereotypically girly things like wax warmers and essential oil diffusers, i love decorating for christmas, and although i'm bad at expressing it i'm very kind at heart. I'm a jeans and a t-shirt kind of guy and i absolutely hate most of the clothing in the women's section, but sometimes i'll see a witty tee in the juniors section or a cute dress and like it. But whether i'd like it on me is up for debate. I own just one single dress - purely to have something to use as a distraction if mom ever forced me to go to church or some sort of an event. I tried it on once recently and it made me feel uncomfortable. I'm sure if i got someone to doll me up and make my hair and face look nice and got a ton of compliments maybe it'd feel nice but who doesn't like getting told they look good? Mom got me all dolled up for my highschool graduation photos and i don't really like looking at them. I felt like seeing myself in the mirror when she was doing my makeup that i was looking at a totally different person. So sorry to ramble but i just feel this so much. Like am i really a guy just because feel so much more confident binding and have wanted a dick instead of a vagina for like half my life...even if i'm sorta geeky and a little girly. I mean not makeup girly but sensitive omg is he gay sort of girly. Just sometimes it all bothers me. So i guess just know you aren't alone. How you identify is what matters. Just because literally once a year i could probably deal with wearing a dress and letting someone make me look pretty doesn't mean i'm any other identity i've played with - bigender, nonbinary, genderfluid, etc.
All these ideas about how guys should or shouldn't be expected to behave are rooted in backwards gender norms. They're rigid and not true. Loving to cuddle, floral scents, cologne and relaxing baths is independent from gender identity - guys can love flowers, spa dates and so on. IMO what matters for your gender identity is how you feel about your body, how you relate to other people and how you respond to being gendered as male/female/'him'/'her' etc.
Yeah I agree. Before I even began to question my gender I loved relaxing bubble baths, thought flowers look nice and even brought them for my own home and spent time cuddling up with girlfriends on the sofa watching TV. Scents I'm not so much into either way. Maybe try going back to being a bit tomboyish, experiment around a little and see what feels right to you.
I'm curious, you mentioned the boys team, but how do boys run like you don't? You could run with them if you wanted couldn't you?
