Searching for term, for this post I'll call it micro memory or micro flashback

Yesterday out of blue I believe I had YET ANOTHER flashback. (If true this is number 4) I was performing a physical task, when it hit. I'm going to call it a micro memory or micro flashback because it was very short. One of my real time thoughts was, is this for real? Total disbelief. No it cant be real for I have no recollection of the event. So I said to myself the micro flashback was created.

But! The micro flashback fits the puzzle of things I consciously remember from my past. A greater understanding is garnered when all the pieces are assembled.

And I do remember bad things happening to others.......yes all while I was at the boarding school

I do not like this.

 

If what I am having are flashbacks, yes indeed they are terrifying. The memory with feeling(s), generally scared feeling(s), come out of the blue. Thats the surprising thing. Out pops the weasel!

 

Ya I think it's time for some kind of therapy. Thanks for your post.

 

Yup if what I/we are experiencing are flashbacks, IT'S PRETTY DAMN AMAZING! Pardon my language but it's a "holly fuck" what's going on moment.
a) at first there's "surprise" because it comes out of the blue.
b) then my conscious kicks in and says what the hell is going on? (this may or may not happen)
c) then there's disbelief, no this is not happening
d) then there's fact checking - ya that happened to me.
e) a-d are processed in a few seconds.

And I am now thinking I see the preamble to flashback or a certain type of flashback. The preamble is, I feel super safe and/or comfortable. Definitely un-threatened environment - not absolute all the time. And, this is important, I accept my sexuality 100% without question pre state. (Generally I'm analyzing my gay state in real time, all the time.)

Data to my first flashback which I recorded in my journal. ~6 months ago. At a public meeting place, meeting for morning coffee with people I was getting to know, I see this guy of interest. OK he was hot. As I was staring and drooling over him I noticed his tongue. (he stuck it out to lick his lips.) I went insane over his tongue. I started to see stares. I felt I was going to pass out. A little later I noticed yet another guy of interest, this time his pelvic area. As I stared I felt his pelvic area and I were one.

I came home, yes semi wired on caffeine and had a very intense flashback - if indeed that is what I was experiencing. (first one by the way) It dropped me to the floor. The flashback was filled with memory and very horrifying emotions to events of that memory. (and this flashback had to do with my sexuality) Now on the floor, I began to shake. Roughly 15 to 20 seconds later it was over.

 

Oh I was unable to reflect on what was going on for quite some time. I pieced together facts over the following days.

Wow this is really cool. Talking to someone who has had similar experiences.