I go through cycles. As I try to become more comfortable with my bisexuality, my interest in men and M2M sex becomes overwhelming almost obsessive. It feels like opening the door to self acceptance opens the floodgates for those desires. I try to "ride the wave" for a while, but sooner or later I or my wife have a negative reaction regarding my "new" sexuality and I basically sink back into repressing/suppressing and burying those thoughts and desires. This repression also seems to have the effect of suppressing my heterosexual feelings as well. Sending me into a spiral of sexless depression, shame, and self loathing. I am curious if other "late bloomers" have experienced similar issues?
From the very start of my journey to self acceptance, which started the first time I was intimate with the man who has become my BF,all I could think of was M2M sexuality. It was so incredible, so overwhelming, so passionate I was hooked. For about five minutes I called myself bisexual but for me the truth was simply I was gay. Nothing in my heterosexual past even came close. Even now well over year since coming out and ten months since moving in with my BF I am still overwhelmed with desire for my BF, our relationship, our sex life, and being an active part of the gay community. Over the past year I have been able for the most part to overcome the internalized homophobia and separate myself from the brainwashing of the hetero-normative propaganda I was indoctrinated with. This takes time and I sure you too will find the way forward. The only way to resolve the issue is to continue to move forward keeping in mind that your wife is also on this journey, which may have very different outcomes for you both. This is just as hard on her. Here’s hoping for a smoother journey on your voyage to self awareness.
Yes, as other reply post kinda touched on...im very into guys..i want a mean I gful relationship...i came out late I'm now in 40s and single....but Yah I take care business at least one x a day
It sometimes seem okay for me then other times I struggle is this what I want. I know what it is I want in my life I do not want to loose my wife. She means a lot to me, and even though we stopped being sexual I still love her. Sometimes things seem okay or even good, and then I wonder am I doing what I really want to do? Still not sure what I need from men at this point.
Brainwashing. Lol, hey thats me. Seriously I only theorized I was gay when I first came to ECs. Couldn't have picked a more appropriate alias. Also agree 100% with the quoted sentence.
I truly feel I was brainwashed after having lived as an openly gay man for over a year now. I found that it is more than possible to be in loving, emotionally stable, intellectually stimulating and sexual charged relationship with another man. It was indeed an eye opening revelation that I didn’t need a woman in my life to be complete and happy. Discovering that the male body was more of a turn on than a female body was confusing at first but as time went on made total sense. At first I fought the notion that I could have sexual relationship with a man, it’s abnormal, dirty and wrong. What I found was that it was all just programming propaganda that was totally false and totally wrong. Being gay is the best thing that ever happened to me......so far!
Im bi, though single, and I relate. Realizing I was bi opened the "floood gates". I'm cool with being bi but I go through through periods of wanting men or women, usually the opposite sex, and it's fustrastingly overwhelming at times. Even if you remain faithfully monogamous with your wife, there needs to be space to be "bi". What that means is up to you, but there to be love, acceptance, and allowance for who you are. No beating yourself up for not being better or different. Otherwise that depression, self hate, and shame will wreck you and your relationship. If how you feel about men is so great, it may not be realistic to be with a woman even if you are bi.
I have moments, and I think it's been written about here, primarily because I haven't been with a woman. So, I second-guess myself and wonder, "maybe I am straight because I've been single for so long?" But then I remember that's just me and my personality.
I tried the hetero marriage thing. Once I made that commitment I was nailed with obsessive thoughts of M2M sex. I too soon realized that I was really way over to the gay side. I think you have a space to be bi, but you also to be open to the possibility that you are really gay. We are so exposed to the hetero narrative that psychology it makes it hard to accept that we may not be part of the majority.
Caraldo makes a very good point. Give yourself space to explore the possibility that bi may just be a transitional phase for you. For many people bi is who they are for sure, but some like myself thought we were bi for awhile before fully acknowledging we were gay.
Mine used to be...it used to be straight, straight, straight, GAY!!!, straight, straight, etc. But I think that was before full understanding and acceptance happened for me. Now it's constantly there, more one day, less the next, but always in the background. Basically, gay side of bisexual almost all of the time now.
I have close male friends. I am more open than ever to being BI. I am also taking good care of myself. For years I fought this.
I am just coming to terms with gay feelings and my feelings for men are much stronger, but I figured it's just because it's new. I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know what to do.
Everyone is different... if this is new for you just give yourself time to understandstand it. It takes time to know yourself. Above all, take care of yourself especially if you feel overwhelmed. Eat right, sleep, be with friends, exercise, do soothing activities, get support from others, etc.
Ah, I like this a lot! I talked with a few queer friends quite a number of years ago and they told me about the expression "baby gay" or "baby dyke." This doesn't denote age, but rather one's own feeling toward one's queerness or gayness. So, self-acceptance, especially toward identity and self-expression. One woman I talked with said that when she first came out she had the exact same feelings and that she felt like she had to "prove" her queerness especially as someone who is bisexual. Sometimes I feel like I have to "come out," especially since I look very femme and straight and get hit on by men a lot. So, for example, if on the rare chance I see a woman who I can presume is gay and I'm attracted to, I feel like I should say, "I'm gay too!" Now that I've been out for a bit longer and I'm older, I feel less inclined to do this. Maybe if she glances toward me and I can tell the thoughts are going through her head, I may smile, which actually happened yesterday when I was outside. My biggest insecurity, which I wrote about above, is that I worry that I'm not gay (or even straight or queer) or really anything. And what if I meet someone and it all turns out to be a sham? But the more I become comfortable with myself, the less I'm inclined to worry.
I met this guy and we hit if off. I am 56 it is about time I made a friend who likes me this much. I am having a great time, movies and walks in the park. Fun
My sexual desires period, can be overwhelming. Whether it’s a hot guy or a girl with a cute butt, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes it takes all my self control to maintain appropriate behavior
If I am in a social, work, or community situation, I do an excellent job of controlling my impulses. If I'm in a situation where there is a collective green light, I have much less control. I'm better at it now. At times, it has been overwhelming and I ran with that. Oh well.
