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Does anyone else have a really over-protective mom?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by anonmember, Apr 28, 2018.

  1. anonmember

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    My mom doesn't want me giving people any ideas about my sexuality. I don't really care if people speculate about my sexuality or start rumors because nobody will know for sure until I tell them. I told her that I'm bi and she doesn't care and I haven't told any of my friends at school that I'm bi yet, but I am very public about how much I support gay rights and that really bugs her because like I said, she doesn't want me to give people any ideas. She won't let me go to the GSA meetings at my high school even though straight people attend those meetings too, she doesn't like it when I talk about gay rights on my Twitter, so I blocked her from my Twitter so she couldn't see that I was talking about gay rights. and I'm sure if she found out I had this Empty Closets account (she doesn't know that I have an EC account) that would bug her too in fear that someone would find out who I am. I wish my mom would just give me more freedom and allow me to go to those GSA meetings. I've posted about gay rights numerous times on social media and so far, nothing has happened. She is really concerned that if I went to the GSA meetings that it would be a big deal when in reality, it wouldn't be all that bad. I wish she would just give me more freedom and learn to see things from a different perspective. Does anyone else have a mom like this?
     
    #1 anonmember, Apr 28, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2018
  2. Destin

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    Yes. I have so many things I could say to this. I'll just leave it at this. My mom is so over-protective that she currently refuses to talk to me hoping her removing herself from my life will get rid of the 'gay urges' she thinks are hurting me. I'm also not allowed to talk to any of my family members because she doesn't want the gay to spread to other people. Her husband is a doctor. You'd think she would know gay doesn't spread like a disease. I guess not.
     
  3. SkyWinter

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    Are you an only child? She might be more protective if so.
     
  4. Andrew99

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    My mom can come off as over protective. It's not bc she's homophobic or ashamed. She just worries a lot.
     
    #4 Andrew99, Apr 28, 2018
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  5. Blast

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    Your mom is trying to protect you from all the homophobia in the world... but she cant do it forever. In the meantime, she is stopping you from developing what you need to develop to deal with less than supportive people and situations. And she is stopping you from having a more full experience in your teen years.

    Also, does your mother believe that your bisexuality is a phase or is unimportant? Because it seems to me that she may be trying to get you to hide it long enough until you are 'over it'.

    My advice: Go to your GSA. Break away from your mothers controlling behaviour and be yourself... as much or as little as YOU want to be.

    If you do attend your GSA though, be prepared for questions about your sexuality etc.
    If you arent ready to potentially come out then my advice would be not to attend... but it seems to me like you are trying to slowly creep out of the closet and your mother keeps slamming the door shut.

    Do your own thing and be happy.
     
  6. Chip

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    This might be overprotectiveness, but it may also be not wanting you to publicly talk about your own sexual orientation, as that will make it visible. In other words... she may have some shame about what people will think about her and your family as a result of your being gay. I don't know this is the case, but often that's the underlying reason when people say things like that.

    It might be worth talking to her about if you have a decent relationship with her. It isn't appropriate for her to not allow you to go to GSA, and honestly, going to GSA meetings can be one of the best things for good social adjustment and feeling the sense of belonging that's so important to developing a healthy sense of self.
     
  7. Humbly Me

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    That isn't overprotective those are paranoid delusions.
     
  8. anonmember

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    My mom seems to be fine with it, my stepdad acted cool with it for a while then not too long ago he said "you don't really know you're bisexual, you don't know what the future holds. You could just be a teenager with raging hormones." Even though I'm 18 and I really DO know. 18 is certainly old enough to know. I tried to convince him that I do know because I've had these feelings for the longest time but I just couldn't convince him. He is straight so he obviously doesn't get what it's like. I think my mom might be on the same page as my stepdad but just not telling me because she doesn't want me to fight with her, because back when I was in the questioning phase and I told her that she was like "That's just a normal part of the teenage development process." I know for a fact that I am bisexual and I always will be bisexual, but both of my parents seem to think I don't really know. They don't care whether I am or not, they just don't seem to think I really know.
     
    #8 anonmember, Apr 29, 2018
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  9. anonmember

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    Like I said, they acted cool with it for a while but I think they were just pretending to believe me so I wouldn't fight with them. They don't think I'm lying, they just seem to think it might be "A normal part of the teenage development process." When that is in fact, not true. My brother is gay and they still love him to death so obviously they fully accept LGBT people.
     
    #9 anonmember, Apr 29, 2018
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  10. anonmember

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    18 is certainly old enough to know. And you don't have to experiment to know. I think it may be easier for them to have the false belief that I might grow out of it, not because they care whether I am or not, but because they don't want my life to be difficult. I have autism as well so that raises concern for them about vulnerability for possible sexual assault and/or getting used. And I would agree with her on that my autism makes me more vulnerable because I'm not as socially mature as "neurotypical" people. They don't believe 100% that I will grow out of it, they're just not sure at this point whether it's who I am or not.
     
    #10 anonmember, Apr 29, 2018
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  11. anonmember

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    I think maybe them having the false idea that I "might" grow out of it is preventing them from allowing me to do these things. I am sure I won't be able to convince my parents that I really am bisexual until I come home with a guy. And if I just chose to not listen to my mom and go to those meetings, I would probably get in trouble. I am able to go on this forum behind my parents back but I'm sure they would find out if I went to the GSA meetings. I would come home a little late from school and they would ask me why. Like I said, when I tried to convince my stepdad that this is who I really am, it just resulted in a heated argument.
     
    #11 anonmember, Apr 29, 2018
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  12. anonmember

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    I am likely going to come out my freshman year in college next year and attend my college's GSA meetings. My parents probably won't be too happy when I tell them I came out, as they advised my to not come out at my college because I'm going to a Christian college, but I will just have to do what's right for me. I want to be free and express myself freely so I think I'm just gonna not care what my parents say. And like I said, my mom acts like she believes me, but I don't think she really does based on some of the comments she has said in the past. I think she just doesn't want me to fight with her.
     
    #12 anonmember, Apr 29, 2018
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  13. Chip

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    At a certain point, you will have to make decisions that are right for you. Letting your mom dictate who you talk to, and about what, isn't OK. Letting your mom try to tell you that what you're experiencing is "a phase" also isn't OK.

    It may well be that because of your ASD, your mother is being overly protective; it can be a real challenge for parents of children with autism to see them grow into fully functioning adults, and there is a real fear that the deficits that come with autism (specifically, the difficulty with understanding how to process emotional situations) will cause problems... which they may. And yet, that's something your parents can't protect you from forever.

    This idea that your mom has that you'll "spread the gay" is concerning, however, because it shows a level of irrational thought that is pretty far out there. Whether she really believes that, or is trying to use that as an excuse to keep you from coming out... in either way, it isn't healthy.
     
  14. anonmember

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    Is it normal that sometimes even loving and accepting parents would be in this stage because they're afraid of the challenges their kid might have to face?
     
  15. Chip

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    Yes, absolutely.
     
  16. anonmember

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    I'm glad that I'm going to college next year because my parents won't have as much control over me.
     
  17. anonmember

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    I have just chosen to stop talking to my parents about my sexuality because it seems to tick them off when I do it and they get really frustrated. I haven't talked to them about it in almost a month. I am glad I have a therapist that's gay and actually understands what I'm going through. And I'm thankful to have such supportive people on Empty Closets to help me through this. I love my parents to death and they love me too, it's just hard for them to see what I have to go through sometimes.
     
    #17 anonmember, Apr 29, 2018
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  18. DCSC

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    I wouldn't say my mum is overprotective really, more of an excessive worrier. So much so, that when I broke up with my bf of 6 and a half years a couple of months ago (straight relationship, broke up b/c I wasn't in love with him anymore) she took it harder than anyone. She's got a fluctuating drinking problem, and apparently my break up triggered it again. Although she won't say it out loud to me, I'm pretty certain she thinks I've made a huge mistake leaving him (he's a great guy) and that I will now be alone for the rest of my life (I'm 29 and the youngest of 3).

    My brother is gay and has been out in a relationship for almost a decade, this has caused a number of problems with my religious father who will ultimately use my mother as a soundboard to all of his disapproving rants about him (he is awful at confronting anyone but mum). This results in mum not being able to cope well and she again turns to drink.

    This is why I haven't come out to them, because I think it would destroy them. My mum wouldn't care, but my dad won't accept it and will take it out on my mum - so the drinking will start again.
     
  19. Nightlight

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    Oh yes, I could go on and on...
     
  20. Nightlight

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    I told her I was bi, then she said "No you're not. You just haven't had enough interaction with guys. If you really think you're a lesbian, just have a lifestyle like everyone else."

    She doesn't even comprehend the idea of bisexuality. I never mentioned anything LGBT related things to her ever since.

    It's no use trying to justify my identity(which I'm not 100% sure of right now) to someone who takes none of it.
     
    #20 Nightlight, Apr 30, 2018
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