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Should I talk to him?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Mohamm, Apr 26, 2018.

  1. Mohamm

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    He has been my best friend for 7 years,until we joined different Universities he started to change, the first two months he was acting normal then he started acting distant when I first met him after 4 months at his college I surprised him and he appeared to be very happy then he had a quiz and I was waiting for him so we can go home I forgot that he had a quiz and I forgot to ask him how he did,on our way home we started talking and he was talking to me but in a different tone he seemed depressed and angry, we started to talk about his old friends he said he doesn't contact them or contacts them rarely, after that day I went back to my home and he went back to his like nothing ever happened,then after a while I finally had the courage to ask him out he said he had an exam, because I overanalyis everything I stopped contacting him I started to think of he wants to see me he would tell but he never did,after a month he told me he will join a college so near to mine and he will see me there,I was so excited and I couldn't wait for the semester to start, when it started I told him about my schedule and he said then I will be seeing you,I saw him finally and again he was or appeared to be very happy,he talked about having no friends and how he isn't good with making friends, because I'm as socially awkward as him I didn't reply,after I had to go home he told me he will be seeing me but as usual he never contacted me after two weeks I told him to hangout and he was busy which I understand but what I don't understand is why he appears to be careless, I stopped contacting him and now It has been 2 months.
    I can't believe how careless he is, in high school he was my only and best friend the only one who I thought that he could be my friend forever,I liked more than anyone, even if I was depressed and I wanted to be alone he would always ask to see me,it was a 7 year friendship that appears to be dying for nothing
    Now I'm very depressed since I joined college I tried to make friends to cope up with missing him but I still miss him no matter how many friends I make, it's sad because I have no one to trust I don't like my family and even if I made friends I feel empty and not being myself, I can't concentrate on anything now because im so shocked and disappointed I don't care about having friends but he made me realize how important a friend can be.
    I feel betrayed by the only person that I can trust.
     
  2. lazybear03

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    Yes, if it was me I would talk to him. I think it would be best to hash it out and get to the bottom of things. I think it is necessary to do, and he may well be wondering about things too.
     
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  3. Mohamm

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    The problem is I want but I can't
    I suffer from aspergers I have never cared about someone so much to be angry at,
    I think if he will ever contact me I will tell him,but to initiate it for no reason I'm just too afraid to officially lose him.
    I don't think I will ever find someone like him.
     
  4. Rhea Moon

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    Personally, I would talk to him. It may take a while but when you finally find the words to convey what you feel, you'll be able to do it. If you're able to fully communicate how you feel, then he will have a better understanding of you and how much he means to you. This way, you can further your friendship.

    Here's the thing about having long distance friendships, they're hard. There are days where you can't be bothered to start a conversation or reply to a message. It isn't because you hate them, but because you're not in the mindset. Messaging is different to talking in person. So people find it easier to get used to, others don't. His university might be distracting him from your friendship with him.

    Friendships are always distancing and becoming closer. There are times where you know that person. You understand everything about them and you just click. Other times, you feel apart. Like they're a different person and friendship is slipping away. It comes in waves, and it can last for days or months.

    The key is to reconnect. To pull them back to you and regain that firm grasp you have on friendship. You might have to wait for them to get comfortable with the situation. Maybe you need to keep messaging him but with a different tactic. Calmer or sadder. Get straight to the point or just casually remind them. I can't push you to choose something you're not okay with but try something a little different.

    Sometimes, the distance is too much and you can't recover them. And that's okay. You can get angry, or you can get sad. You can feel whatever you feel, you deserve to. If you tried your hardest, then know that the other person hasn't. Or perhaps their hardest isn't what you deserve.

    He might be in a dark place. People tend to disconnect from others when pressures of society, people or a situation become too much to handle. They shut themselves away from the world and not bother with friendships they should be keeping. He might not have the strength to get out of that dark place and meet you.

    If you're scared about confronting him, just remind him that you're there. And that you'll be waiting and missing him. Talk about anything! From what you did that day to your plans for the future. Confront him about your own feelings, like how you feel. Get emotional. Write him things that give him the chance to reply at any moment. Mention things you could do with him in the future. Talk about the past. Just something to gain that reconnection between you two.

    Don't be afraid of showing your feelings, they're what connect us to others.

    I hope I helped you at least a little. If you need any more help, just ask me.
    Good luck!
     
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  5. Mohamm

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    Thank you for taking time to read and reply
    The problem is it isn't a long distance relationship, his new college is just 10 min away from mine on foot, he told me he will see me but after the first time he never contacted me, yesterday I sent to him a meme,he saw it took a while then decided to reply, which I think it reflects that he felt some sort of guilt.
    I don't know the only two times I met him he had two side, One is him the person I loved and the other is a complete dick, he wasn't a dick directly to me but when we talked about his other friends he seemed like an asshole he just gives that vibe,he told me about a conversation he had with someone from his college he(my friend)told him (his mate) that he has no friends the other guy replied impossible he said well there is one in a college near to us the other guy said you are an idiot why don't you talk to him, he said I don't know
    Because I'm a dumbass I should have asked him why you don't know
    But I didn't because I thought I will be seeing him regularly
     
  6. lazybear03

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    You sound so much like me. I'm in a situation somewhat like yours. I've got a friend that I was talking to everyday. I've only known him for a pretty short time, but I really connected to him. During one of our conversations, it turned into a weird funk between us. I confessed my feelings for him, and it just left me wondering where we stand. Then I contacted him a ton in one day, and I started wondering if I should back off a bit. I started to pull away from him a bit because I was afraid of him rejecting me. He told me he was busy, and I believe him. I waited a few hours, and then replied to him so it didn't look like I was hanging on his every word. I know what it's like being afraid to contact someone. I get insecurities in my head, and I get fearful. You need to open a discussion with him. Don't be afraid of telling your feelings. Feelings are what are going to help you to connect and it's going to give you a better understanding of how both of you work. Be consistent, and ask him questions like how his day is for example. Just be friendly and keep up the contact with him. If you can open up a dialogue between the two of you about how you feel and about how he feels then their wouldn't be any doubts about what the other is feeling. It could bring you closer together. You should also ask him if their is something bothering him, and tell him if their is something bothering you. I think honesty and open dialogue is the best way to go ahead with this.
     
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  7. Mohamm

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    How did he react when you confessed your feelings?
     
  8. lazybear03

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    Well, he mentioned how he's open to dating but he's not really looking for a relationship, and in turn it made me question what we were. But on the other hand, I kept having this feeling he liked me so I don't know. After I told him, I wasn't sure if I should cut back because I was bothering him or if things were still the same. He wasn't writing back as much but he said he was just busy. He used to write me back daily and we wouldn't go a day without talking and recently he hasn't replied much at all. I left him a message recently telling him I needed to get something off my chest, and that I would like to talk with him when he gets some time. I'm waiting to see what he says. What is the situation with the guy you know?
     
  9. Mohamm

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    Very sad to hear
    I feel exactly the same about him I'm not gay but for some reason I'm so attracted to him. I started to fall in love him because I thought he was in love with me and I still feel he is. You can check my older posts if you want to know about details.
    I once confessed my feelings sarcastically and he didn't get it but now I don't care if he feels the same or not I just don't want to lose him as a friend.Your situation as so much better than mine at least you're still in contact with him
     
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  10. lazybear03

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    I feel the same way. When I asked him about dating he said "I'm open to dating and I'm open to fuckbuddying'. I don't even care about that honestly. I just want the guy and I to go back to the way we were, and put this whole situation behind us. I wish he would talk to me :frowning2: I cry when I think about losing him.
     
  11. Mohamm

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    Man this sucks there is absolutely nothing we can do about it other than confessing our feelings.
    For me I'm still hesitant I'm just not brave enough but If he ever contacts me I will get everything off my chest I'm afraid it ends up in a fight,it's going to be our first fight  :confounded: thats how much we liked each other we never fought before.:disappointed:
     
  12. lazybear03

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    Yeah, I get how you feel. I was hesitant too, but I think confessing your feelings is the only way to fix things. The last thing I want to do with him is fight with him. I think open dialogue is needed. Just say what's on your mind in a calm and rational manner. I have friends that I see in real life and we talk and joke with each other. We would get into our little arguments and we would go back to normal and everything would be fine. I may argue with someone, but I'm a really forgiving person. With this friend we are long distance, and we have never met in real life and so its hard to gauge how he's feeling sometimes and then it leaves me feeling confused.
     
  13. Mohamm

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    I don't want to fight with him too, but I feel so angry because he let me down. I feel so depressed because there isn't anyone I can trust and I won't be able to trust anyone anymore. I stalked his Twitter account he says in his bio he says "hates social interactions of any kind". I know he is an introvert like me but the last two times I met him I feel like he’s not his true self he appeared to be an asshole introvert. So I'm afraid he doesn't care about me anymore which could kill me.
     
  14. lazybear03

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    You say the last two times you have talked to him he has been an asshole introvert? Maybe he was having a bad day or maybe he is feeling insecure about things. There are a number of reasons someone may come off as an asshole introvert. People act in ways sometimes that are hurtful because of something they are going through usually. Try not to take it personally. I deleted my account that I talk to him on (which I then made a new one a day later) because I thought I was being bothersome. I couldn't stand logging in and seeing that he hadn't messaged me yet and it hurt. I really liked him, and he was acting different from his usual self. I'm a really emotional and empathetic person, and I feel things more than anything. He wasn't being as chatty as he used to be which I can understand because I was a bit mean a few times. I felt hurt a bit though. It's hard to pinpoint when things changed between us, but I think I have an idea. When he told me he was open to being a fuckbuddy I felt let down because that's not something I want to hear from the guy I want to have a future life with. I was hoping he would say something like that he likes me or something. Some of his comments would sometimes get to me even if they weren't always directed at me. He told a girl online "sorry, but your fat". That's his opinion but that's something you would never tell someone in my book. That's something that's just off limits. Or when I didn't want to send my picture one time he said it's probably because you're a fatass. I'm not overweight. I'm actually really fit, but I still have body insecurity issues. I know he was probably joking, but still rude. He's incredibly kind (most of the time), and is also very intelligent. The main thing though is his distance. The more distant he gets, the more insecure I get. I start not acting like myself when there is something bothering me. One of the major things is that he sent me something. The first time I was like "why would you send me that". Are you trying to make me jealous? Then a few weeks later he sent me another one, along with his last message and all I was thinking was is that what he thinks of me? Is he insinuating something? Because a guy wouldn't send that unless he is trying to get a point across. He's very focused on it. Enough of my rambling. I'm worried that the guy I like doesn't like me back anymore either which depresses me because I really did see a future with him. I think the guy I like was let down that I deleted my profile, but his distance was bothering me so much. But he was only distant because I was not acting like myself. And I was not acting like myself because I was hurt and insecure and their was something bothering me. What is the worst case scenario for you? Do you think he will cut contact with you? Ignore you? Get mad at you? How do you think he feels about you? If their is a chance, I think you should try to talk to him. If you don't there will always be that "what if". "Hates social interactions of any kind"... yeah that sums up my guy too. I worry that he's lost interest in me too. I really hope not though. Our stories are so similar. I wish I could send you a PM, but I can't post messages on people's walls yet :frowning2:
     
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  15. Mohamm

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    He is getting more creepy. I posted in the other thread that he finally asked me out but I couldn't because I have exams . After a couple of days he asked about a stupid interview that I was forced to do. This interview goes back to 5 months. When it first came out I sent the link to him and we had a good laugh. Now he suddenly out of nowhere asked me "what did they ask you in that interview you did". I answered him. Then I asked him what reminded you of it? He said "I don't know I once did an interview in my old University and the same thing happened I was forced to say what they wanted me to say". I thought to myself That still doesn't explain why he did ask me about it but then I remembered I never post pictures even my profile picture is nearly 2 years old. I started to think that he maybe wanted a picture of me but ofcourse it is impossible for him to ask and that interview was the only thing he could find. When I met him the last time I had a shorter haircut and he asked me why did you cut it it was beautiful (that is the direct translation in our own language it sounds less gay) in that interview I had that longer haircut he liked so it could explain why did he ask me about it. And I cut my slightly long goatee. He asked me why did you cut it? I told him my parents made fun of me so I decided to cut it. He said but it suits your face. There are many signs of him being attracted to me you can check my older threads for details. But this one it seems so obvious and creepy because he rarely texts and the only purpose of asking me about the interview is to find that stupid video. What do you think?
     
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  16. lazybear03

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    More creepy? Could you elaborate more on that? I will be able to answer better with more info. I noticed that I actually can write on people's walls so I will also send you a message. I will write a reply here on this post too, but it may take a bit because it may be somewhat long :slight_smile: I know we were writing a bit ago on this thread of yours and how similar our situations were between a guy I was talking to and a guy you were talking to.
     
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  17. Mohamm

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    I mean he is either attracted to me or he is just a person who doesn't make any sense. Which makes his actions so creepy. I mean if you read my older threads the signs are there. I fell in love with him because of the way way he treated me.
     
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  18. lazybear03

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    I still say he likes you. Some people are just more confusing than others. Do you still like him? Would you want him to contact you?
     
  19. Mohamm

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    I want to but I don't know I'm nervous of meeting him again.
     
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  20. lazybear03

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    Don't be nervous. He's probably just as nervous as you are. If he contacts you, just be your natural self. When you first met each other for the first time, how were things between you? How did you two make each other feel? What did you do or talk to each other about? Just act the way you did then. Are you afraid of losing him? I'm going to talk to the guy I know. I really really like him, but am afraid of messing things up with him. I'm very hot and cold on the outside, but on the inside all I'm wanting is for him to talk to me, and show me he cares.
     
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