Just want to kiss a women

Would it be possible for you to also go to a therapist which specialises in LGBT? Not necessarily with your husband. I think a non friendly LGBT therapist is only going to be able to help your marriage to a limited amount, unless the sexuality thing is dealt with one way or another then you are not going to be able to settle back into your marriage even if all of the other issues were fixed.

 

I very much doubt that they would do that as they specialise in these kind of feelings and how to deal with them, but especially after what the other therapist said I don't blame you for being cautious. I would just try a few google searches to try and find one. Alternatively what about looking to see if there are any LGBT groups in your area, that might also help.

 

Yes, we had a big falling out and its all finished. I still want to kiss her...

 

Was the falling out about your feelings towards her or something else?

 

In the mean time feel free to keep talking to us here. We will help as much as we can.

 

Still trying to work it out. I think something scared her and she started being very hostile to me. Because we worked together she made things quite difficult- when she was really scared/uncomfortable about us. But she wouldn't talk about it so I don't know.

 

Did she know you had feelings for her?

 

She did. Things were getting very tense at work so I asked if we could meet to talk. But the mistake I made was giving her a few days notice which I think increased her fear level. I have never had someone so forcefully run a conversation away from what she knew I wanted to talk about. Basically I'm comfortable with who I am- being interested in women and she obviously isn't. She and I both knew she was scared. Hopefully we can meet again one day and sort it out but I'm not holding my breath...

 

Would you consider writing her a letter, which she could potentially read in her own time?

 

I've considered that but nothing seems to right to say now.

 

What do you think you would want to say if you could?

 

How could you do that to me? How could you attack me like that? Why didn't you like me this year? What did I do? Did I hurt your feelings somehow? I'm still into you. The best thing about last year was meeting you...I'm in love with you.

 

Has she ever admitted having feeling for you? Does she identify as straight?

 

No- I fell for her last year. She was a wonderful support in my work and I tried to do the same for her, & she's beautiful...I thought she would never reciprocate my feelings. But she started to. We would have these moments of attraction and then she'd hide her eyes from me, quite obviously. Then she'd creep back and it would start again. I know she was very private about her life, except 44 and single, & didn't seem to want me knowing much. I don't know sexual orientation but she wouldn't have told me if I'd asked. I tried to talk to her about things (as mentioned) and why she didn't seem to like me anymore & that was when she freaked out and bulldozed over me. All this led to her being even more angry (scared I believe) questioning my (no longer good enough) work and wanting me gone from the work place. If I'm right about the fear thing, she has some big issues. Sometimes I feel like I'm still in love and sometimes (alot of the time) I'm tortured by why she seemed to hate me and want me gone this year. She was amazing last year, I don't understand the change.

 

Obviously it's hard to say just from hearing about her but if I had to guess I'd say she doesn't hate you but she hates what you do to her. I agree that it sounds like she returned your feelings but maybe to begin with this was all subconscious and it was only later that she realised more what it meant. Or maybe she has been attracted to girls before but cannot deal with it within herself. It's sad to think that there could be something between you but for the fact she has some stuff going on but unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it. Do other people comment on it at work or are they oblivious?

 

"Crazy"? Maybe. But I think we all understand.
To your original question, as a man I would LOVE to kiss another man, simply to know that there's someone in my world who feels the way I do.