How can I protect a family member who came out to me?

I just found out something I never would have expected. Those of you who know me here, know that my religious family recently disowned me for being gay. My siblings aren't allowed to talk to me because my mom wants it that way. One of them did anyway today.

My 14 year old sister called me and I could tell something was different than usual, but at first she just said she wanted me to know she still loves me no matter what bad things our mom says about me to her, which meant a lot to me. Then she shocked me by saying I'm not the only homosexual child from our family. She thinks she's either lesbian or bisexual and has known for over a year. She even secretly had a short relationship with a girl that nobody knew about.

She was afraid of our parents finding out to begin with, but now after she saw how I was treated she's much more scared about what would happen to her if they found out. I'm an adult at least and live on my own, she still lives with our parents and will for at least 4+ more years. I love her and I don't want anything bad to happen to her because of this.

I'm so conflicted. I want her to be happy and be able to be herself if she feels that way, and 4+ more years is a long time to hide something like that without making herself miserable and not being able to experience what she wants to, especially in high school. If my mom found out though... I don't even know how bad that could get for her to realize she has a second gay child when she already hates the first one for it. Then she would probably think I somehow influenced my sister into feeling that way and just...ugh it would be so bad for both of us, much worse for her since she lives with them.

How can I protect my sister without telling her to hide who she is for years?

 

That's a really good idea. I can definitely do that. Getting it to her could be a bit challenging since she doesn't drive and I can't just show up to the house to give it to her. Something can be figured out for sure though, maybe she can stay with a friend for a day and I'd meet her there or something.

 

Extremely controlling. My mom would check my computer/phone all the time without telling me when I was a kid to see what I was doing and make sure I wasn't doing stuff she didn't like. Any time away from home/school had to be gone over in extreme detail until she was satisfied that I wasn't lying about what I'd be doing and with who for how long. If she got suspicious of anything or I was even a little late she would call and want to know what was happening. It's even more invasive and restrictive for my sister, my mom wants to make sure she isn't getting taken advantage of by boys or whatever so constantly keeps track of what she does.

Hiding the phone shouldn't be too hard though, it's a pretty big house with lots of hiding spots hard to reach for adults but easy for kids.

 

Zero LGBT support. It's a private Christian school which outright bans anything related to homosexuality. I went there too for a little while. They do have computers to use, but they aren't private. They get monitored frequently to make sure kids aren't looking up porn or other stuff like that. They would certainly not keep it a secret from our parents. The first thing the school would do is call a meeting about it to inform the parents about it and find a way to "correct" the gay behavior.

I actually did mention her possibly seeking support on a forum or online community, but she said she would rather not. I think she was afraid of it being discovered at some point. Also yeah it would be pretty awkward having her be able to read all the the past things I've posted, and I don't really think she would be comfortable reading such intimate things about my personal life.

 

Screenshot from the school website. The part I circled describes their official policy on LGBT. The words "confront sin in love" are code for "if your kid is gay when they get here they won't be when they leave". Man it makes me mad seeing things like that openly written on a school website. I never used to notice it before, but now that I do it's so wrong for a school to make kids feel bad and insecure about what they might be feeling. School is supposed to be safe, not something to fear.

 

I agree completely. It's really upsetting to me seeing these parts of Christianity I was oblivious to before when it didn't affect me. Everyone was always so friendly and talked about building loving Christian communities and not bullying people in church and at school, but I guess as soon as you cross one of their moral lines like not being straight all the talk of love goes right out the window. It instead becomes 'let's harass them, threaten them, hurt them and punish them but it's ok because we're doing it for their own good!'.

In normal society harassing and hurting children is the most hated crime possible, yet stick the word 'Christian' on a school and apparently it's then totally fine for authority figures to harass vulnerable children over something they didn't choose and can't control until they hate themselves and are forced to hide from people who are supposed to be there to help them feel safe.

 

No. She meant it when she said she wants nothing to do with me until I'm straight again.

He's more open to it in general yea and he doesn't have a problem treating LGBT patients, but he still doesn't like it and refuses to talk to me now because of it. Unlike my mom he doesn't say anything hurtful, he just says nothing and removed himself completely from the situation to show his disapproval. His mentality seems to basically be 'I can work with those people, but I don't want them anywhere else in my life'.

 

Three hours away. It's an extremely small town geographically because it's pretty much on an island, so there's a really high likelihood of someone who knows us seeing us at a public library or park. That in itself isn't an issue, but gossip could be. If someone happens to mention to my mom they saw us together at the park or whatever it would tip her off that something strange is going on. My parents would probably be less hostile to her since she's a girl and adopted so wasn't expected to continue the family bloodline like I was, but due to being adopted my mom might treat her unfairly with a mentality of 'why couldn't we have picked a straight kid to adopt instead' type of thing...which obviously would hurt my sister a lot.