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What are signs that your attractions are derived from trauma?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ellyy, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. Chip

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    Maybe because the impact of childhood trauma can cause secondary effects that take decades to surface.
     
  2. ellyy

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    I believe that you can be confused about your sexuality because of trauma, and I'm not sure if that's how it is for me, but I wonder if it is. And who knows if the two can have a direct link to each other in my case? Meaning, I have same-sex attraction because of trauma (at least partly). That also made me think about it.
     
  3. Silveroot

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    Could you elaborate a bit on this one? This is a topic that interests me as well. My mother ever since I told her I'm partly gay at least insists that I'm not in any way gay and that it's the abuse I've been through that made me think I am gay. It doesn't matter what I tell her, she just doesn't believe anything I say about it, to her this is all a phase that a good therapist will get me out of.
     
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  4. SkyWinter

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    If trauma was the cause of same sex attractions then why wouldn't there be way more gay people? Most studies show the LGBT community is around 5% of the population. Are LGBT people the only people who have experienced trauma? Is trauma something that only happens to 5% of the population?

    You are certainly capable of feeling traumatized, and feeling same sex attraction at the same time just like straight people can feel traumatized and feel opposite sex attraction at the same time. Why in your case do you think there is a connection?
     
  5. Chip

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    Whether we are straight, gay, bi, or trans, trauma impacts how we interact with others. It can cause problems with emotional and physical intimacy, it can impact how we experience, feel, and process emotions, our sense of self-worth and self-esteem, and numerous other factors. But often, these impacts don't become noticeable until decades after the abuse occurs. Sometimes people go through multiple failed marriages before they realize that something is wrong, and seek out therapy to help them understand.

    Maybe because the literature shows there is a connection. It does not appear to be a causal connection, but nonetheless, there are a number of studies that show that LGBT people are much more likely to have experienced sexual trauma at an early age than their heterosexual counterparts. Some studies show that 30 to 40% of LGBT people reported early childhood sexual trauma.

    Now... this does not mean that sexual abuse causes people to be or become LGBT. Ellyy is correct that sexual trauma can cause confusion about one's sexual identity, according to the research (Christine Courtois and Mic Hunter, among many others, have written about this). What is definitely the case is that those who are sexually abused are aware of, and spend a lot more time thinking about their sexual identity at an earlier age than their non-abused counterparts. And the sex of the abuser can impact the level of comfort and safety one feels around people of that same sex.

    What is perplexing to researchers in the field is why the higher correlation between those who are gay and those who have been sexually abused. The reason we know it is not causative is because the incidence of sexual abuse is extraordinarily high in the US; about 1 in 3 women, and 1 in 5 men, and the incidence of LGBT people is somewhere around 5%. Bridging that gap is challenging, but as with many other traits, it is possible that (as with current thinking on development of various illnesses) some sentinel event may trigger something that causes a genetic trait to express. In other words, it might be a combination of nature and nuture. Yet, clearly abuse isn't the cause of homosexuality, because the percentages would be much higher if it were, and the majority of LGBT people have not been abused. But what we do know is that even if sexual abuse somehow triggers an already-existing genetic switch to turn on (and that's highly debatable), it cannot be turned off once activated. In other words, no amount of therapy will take someone who is gay and turn them straight again.

    This differs from people who are simply traumatized and don't want to associate with people of the same sex as the abuser; that's a trauma unrelated to sexual attraction, and that can be addressed in therapy. But that isn't the case for an overwhelming percentage of gay people who are sexually abused, and that's why conversion therapy doesn't work.

    Religious bigots misinterpret the findings to assume that abuse causes homosexuality, when it is essentially a correlation that doesn't hold up as causative when you look at the entire picture.

    This is a very complicated area, and is one of the reasons why sexual abuse is an area of specialization among therapists.

    Ellyy, I think it's safe to say that the trauma may have caused you to think about your attractions, and may in some ways make it less comfortable to be around people of the same sex as the abuser. But from everything we know in the research, it doesn't have any actual impact on your sexual orientation. It's unfortunate that your mother remains in denial, but I can say with a high degree of confidence that her perception is simply wrong.
     
    #25 Chip, Apr 26, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2018
  6. SkyWinter

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    Based on what? Self reports? How are they separating thoughts about trauma and thoughts about their sexuality? Both can be happening in a relatively short amount of time. Milliseconds in the brain. Who is cataloging their thoughts and the time spent thinking and then reporting it?

    I'm not saying your wrong, but that sounds like something that would be incredibly hard to come to a conclusion on. Perhaps non-abused LGBT people just don't have as much of a reason to keep track of time spent aware of their own issues.
     
  7. Chip

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    Neither you (as far as I know) nor I are researchers in the field of early childhood sexual trauma. So it's probably best in the circumstances to rely on the information from those who are. What I am relying on is dozens of studies that I read years ago when I was actively studying this topic, as well as the many authors who have written books both for professional and lay audiences, and cited studies in their work (some of which I looked up, and some of which I did not.) I can also say that when I've talked to professionals that work with these populations, both in my work and at various professional conferences, this is pretty widely accepted as factual.

    If this isn't something you've studied the research on extensively, you're really not in much of a position to understand it. As I said above, it is a very complex and nuanced area of psychology, and there's a lot more to it than the very brief description I gave above. Without having that understanding, it's difficult to make sense of it all. But for those who have spent the time, it does make sense.

    Actually, the majority of the research on sexual abuse relates primarily to heterosexual abuse survivors, since LGBT survivors are a smaller portion of the population, both in normal and abused cohorts. But there are a good number of studies on LGBT abuse survivors as well. As I remember the research, the early questioning applies pretty equally to heterosexual and LGBT abuse survivors; it's just that the heterosexual survivors question sexuality early, and most figure out early that they are straight, regardless of the sex of their abuser. Additionally, the issues that tend to show up on a delayed basis that I described above show up pretty consistently in both hetero and LGBT populations.

    But none of this is particularly helpful to the OP, which seems to be a theme with your postings responding to my postings.
     
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  8. SkyWinter

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    Links to said studies? I'd like to see where this info is coming from.

    Again, I'd like to see this for myself. Since as you said neither you or I are researchers in this field, I'd like to see some of these studies you are referring to please.

    You quoted my post talking to the OP, so I quoted you back. I'm asking the OP questions to try and help them sort through things. I've helped a lot of people here and I think that my post to like ratio reflects this.
     
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  9. signmypapyrus

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    I think it also depends on the research and field, to br honest.

    When I was in therapy for early childhood sexual abuse (same sex and incestuous), my therapists were quick to point out that there isn’t a correlation between trauma and orientation. Psychologists do state that early childhood sexual abuse can stunt sexual growth and that’s sort of common knowledge, but it depends on circumstances, the situation, and neurodevelopment.

    Foucault, the French philosopher and theorist, argued in The History of Sexuality that there is a correlation between early childhood experiences and orientation. He states that our upbringing influences how we orient our sexuality. Later, Judith Butler would write on this as well.

    There was a really interesting book (I can’t remember now— will look it up when I’m home from work!) written by a trans woman who basically says, who cares if her sexual abuse influenced her identity? And my therapist asked me the same thing. I like that.

    And here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3535560/
     
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  10. SkyWinter

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    Thanks for posting that link. Reading right now....
     
  11. Chip

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    I have no interest in feeding your off-topic arguments that don't belong in the thread in the first place, nor in doing your research for you, since you've made clear you don't understand this topic.

    However, two of the best reference points for studies (as well as good starting points to remedy your lack of knowledge) are the bibliographies contained in 'The Sexually Abused Male', volumes 1 and 2, by Mic Hunter, and 'Healing the Incest Would: Adult Survivors in Therapy' by Christine Courtois.

    There are dozens of other excellent sources to find information that is widely known and recognized by those in the field.

    One last thought: your comment on 'likes' is *exactly* why the staff was reluctant to implement the 'like' feature, and why it was implemented only for an evaluation period.

    When people start wielding it as an (inaccurate) reference point for the value of their content is when we need to seriously consider removing it, as 'likes' should not be and were never intended as a measure of content validity.
     
    #31 Chip, Apr 27, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2018
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  12. mturpiz

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    I think that the suffering and pain abuse survivors endure sometimes lead them to question, think and self-examine more than the average person. Abuse can shake up your psyche in ways others might not experience. And sometimes in that processes it might mean figuring out that you're gay or bi (or another orientation), something that you may not have really uncovered and dealt with until much later. Some of us who are LGBTQ knew remarkably young, others a bit later, and some not for a lot longer. My sense...for what it's worth...is that abuse doesn't change underlying orientation. It can mess some people up in a myriad of ways including manifesting itself in their relationship lives, while others seem to emerge from awful situations comparably healthy. But I have doubts abuse (even sexual abuse) truly "makes" someone have a different orientation. I don't think abusers have the power.

    What's more important, though, is to fight any feelings of guilt or shame or a sense of being "damaged" or anything similarly negative from this. You are who you are, and who you are is fantastic no matter who you are attracted to! If you worry that you can't have the relationship with men that you feel in your own true heart you desire...be that desired relationship platonic or romantic...don't be afraid to talk to someone to help figure that out. But learn to love that you like women and that's wonderful, too. And don't think you need to "fix" yourself to being attracted to men romantically if you're just not. It's okay -- it really is!
     
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