Fear of HIV afternoon recent hookup

It definitely sounds like you could use the help of a therapist who can give you some coping skills for your fears.

All the sex acts that you described are low-risk for HIV so you should be fine. HIV virus dies fairly quickly, withing minutes, once it gets out of the body. So in if someone comes on you and then somehow the cum gets in you, the chances of there being enough virus alive by that point is null. You have nothing to worry about.

Same thing with your gums bleeding a little. While it brings up the risk some, as far as HIV goes is pretty much impossible to get HIV through oral sex and there hasn't been an incident reported yet.

I would definitely not do any anal sex until you are able to deal with your anxiety about getting HIV though. Keep it to what you are doing already.

Perhaps your anxiety is enough for you to go on Prep if nothing else works? Prep will prevent you from getting HIV if taken consistently.

 

Since I'm not you I can be objective. That stuff you described doing was low risk. And on top of that the guy probably wasn't HIV+ anyway.

If it had been me writing what you wrote and you replying to me then you'd have been able to be objective with me. And you'd have probably replied to me as I did to you.

 

This is the second thread you have created on this forum about anxiety relating to STI's, so you probably should think about talking to a therapist to overcome some of your fears. Most of the things you described are low risk, but you seem to be over-emphasising risk in your mind.

Also, you say you are living in China, but your profile location says the United States. Are you living in China long term?

 

OP, I know how this goes. I am with you. The low risk activity can still trigger all sorts of fears. Call it whatever - shame, guilt, survivor guilt, anxiety, but I think it's about the possibility and people who overanalyze things will do this to themselves. The possibility is extremely low, almost to the point that you shouldn't even worry, and you will need to get a handle on the anxiety if you are going to be sexually active, as many people are. I understand what you are saying - different places handle LGBT issues differently and, even though therapy might be good, everyone has to be cautious when selecting a therapist, even in the U.S. I currently have one I like, but that's here. Is it possible to test anonymously over there? I believe that a lot of places in the U.S. that offered anonymous testing have now switched over to confidential testing. I don't understand why this happened and I don't support this change. Anonymous testing was probably less stressful for people, as if the stress isn't already high to begin with.

 

I am also terrified of STI’s and HIV. I just don’t want it. The most I can do for myself is wear a condom and get tested frequently. I’m considering PrEP as well. In any case, there are resources to help and educate yourself behind STI/HIV. If you did catch something, a lot of of them are treatable (not all curable, but it’s not a death sentence).

I also have anxiety, so I know very well where you’re coming from. Deep breathing and distractions help to momentarily lower your stress levels, so I recommend that.

 

Yep, anxiety feels real as fuck. Its like an optical illusion; even if you know the trick your eyes will still be fooled into seeing it. \

So yeah, keep trying to get a therapist. They will give you ways to cope with the anxiety and calm your brain down. One of the ways is getting reassurance from other people. Is there a friend you trust who can be there for you when you get anxiety?

 

Well done. Therapy is a process. Don't expect to accomplish everything all in one session. Don't worry about telling what your issues are. The worst thing you can do would be to hold things back. I'm sure that therapists hear all sorts. And they are there to help.

 

Many things to say. First, I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. I see one, who's excellent and good for me. When it works well therapy's amazing.

As for your story, it's like I'm seeing my own experience written down, Spiffy33. I have depression, meaning I'm very anxious (and my thoughts are sometimes intrusive, though no OCD diagnosis). STIs and HIV terrified me. A few months ago, I had a couple of hookups where I went inside the guy, just for a minute, not even fully, without a condom. Then, a few months later, I decided to get an HIV test WHILE ON HOLIDAY (yeah, I don't recommend that) and because they didn't reply to me I got really afraid and assumed I had HIV. I had to go get a quick test when I was back in London and found I was negative ... but there were three weeks in the middle where I thought I was, where I was reading stuff about it online and being terrified each time I sneezed. I was able to get help for this as well, and discuss it at the clinic I went to.

I know it doesn't solve everything, but anxiety *is* an illusion that feels real, as smurf said. Also, anxiety over HIV is understandable ... most of our 'knowledge' comes from media, TV shows, or films set in the 80s where everyone is sad and people are stuck in hospital beds. This of course affected how I viewed HIV, as well as existing stigma. But being able to speak about it with clinicians helped, though since there's not as much access where you are, just know that you aren't the only one who's felt the way you feel right now.

Well done for posting this, and thanks for reading my little essay.

 

I think you are becoming a little hysterical about this issue and need to take a step back and calm down. If you jump to the conclusion that you are HIV+ every time you have symptoms of illness you will have a very stressful life. I'm not saying this so bluntly to be unkind, but there is a need for frankness because you are putting your mental wellbeing at real risk if you continue like this. You are not "doomed" and need to have confidence in the results of the two tests you have taken - both of which came back negative.

What should you be doing at this moment? You should take medication for the throat problem and get on with your life.