1-year break from dating: What should I work on?

Hello all,

I've decided to take a break from dating for the next year or so. I'm living in a temporary city for school, after which my goal is to move abroad. Given the importance of this goal, I don't feel this is the right time to find a relationship. Given the reservations that I would have about committing to someone, I don't feel that I'm in the best position to attract the right partner for me at the moment. I believe that next year when I will have moved abroad, I will be more open to date wholeheartedly.

So during this period of transition, I am making great progress career-wise etc., I am exercising, cooking, pursuing my interests, but I feel like I need to do something more to really make this time count. I feel like I should be working on myself on a deeper, more psychological level to make sure that I am in the best position to resume dating with an open heart and attract a healthy partner for the right relationship. I'm just not sure what exactly. I feel like I've done a lot of work already on my self-esteem, communication skills, anxious attachment etc. I'm trying more and more to practice mindfulness. I'd just like to know if there's anything else that I should really work on within myself to be able to attract a healthy partner, go into a relationship for the right reasons and to be a healthy enough partner myself to make it work with the right person.

Any advice, suggested books, practices?

Thanks

 

Thanks for your reply, Gravity

I would say :
1. Because if I'm not dating, this year, then I should still find a way to make this time count, make it a time for growth. I'd like to feel that even though I haven't had practice being in a relationship, that I still have grown enough to become a more solid partner.

2. I haven't always attracted the healthiest partners. I think 2 years ago, I was a bit lost, didn't really know where I was going in life, had a job that bored me to death, and so I looked for happiness in a relationship. I think I attracted a couple guys that I thought I could help in some way, and they both broke my heart. I definitely have much greater direction in my life now (hence, my goal to move abroad next year), better self-esteem as a result, went through therapy etc., and I've learned to make myself happy on my own, and for the most part I succeed. I just want to make sure that when I start dating again, that I'm attracting healthy guys that have done the necessary work on themselves to be committed loving partners.

1. I think that given I will have worked so long and hard to reach that goal, I am psyching myself out with regards to dating. I fear very much having to choose between that goal and another person. I don't want to be heartbroken and I don't want to break anyone else's heart.

2. I tried dating a little this past Fall, and I was never really feeling it with anyone. I met a guy to whom I was very attracted, and we dated for about two months, but then he ended it because he was afraid of commitment. So, if two years ago, I ended up getting into relationships where I was hurt because I was wanting to find love too much, I feel like right now, none of my dating experiences amount to anything because I don't want it enough.

That's why I feel that once I will have accomplished this very important goal of finding a job overseas (and I have no idea where that could be yet), I will be more open to the relationship possibilities that I find.

 

Oh yes, I saw a therapist for a couple months last year and talked at great lengths about these guys and the need to choose safe partners.

I really would like to meet someone. I just don't think I would be able to give up my goal to move abroad if it came to that. And I can't bear the idea of giving up a relationship, being heartbroken again, and also feeling guilty and selfish for leaving a person to pursue my goals.