How can there be my father's blood in me? I am a complete different person. I have my imperfections, but I think I'm open-minded, sensitive, supportive, positive... I could be here for months writing about the bad things he did. I just want to say that I still have nightmares about the time he kicked me, and today I had to listen to him saying proudly 'my parents have never put their hands on me'. I wanted to choke him in that moment. And tonight he told me, like if he was threatening me 'shut up, understood?'. I managed to control myself and not kill him. I got in my room and I overheard him saying bad stuff about me, like if I was the bad guy, I was the problem. I'm sure he's a good person beyond the family, but he thinks it's fair to pour his problems on me and my mother. Tonight he had been complaining all the way back home (250meters) about every single fucking thing. He complained about a guy smoking, about a pub having tables on the sidewalk, about the sidewalk being dirty. And I'm completely honest, I just told him in a total calm way, I didn't want to say provocative 'you're, right, but we can't do anything to solve these problems, and complaining doesn't solve them' and he told me to shut up like if I didn't he would have kicked me. I ran away. Is this fair? Can I be afraid of my father? How can I tell this person I'm gay? I'm FRIGHTENED. He is able to do anything I'm sorry if I'm not clear, but I had to write this now and it would hurt too much to read it again
It sounds difficult for you. He seems to have one face at home with you and one that he shows the world. That's not unusual. Many are like that. Perhaps he is homophobic. He might be homophobic of himself. So be watchful / be a bit cautious. He might long be denying something of himself. And he might be ready to take that out on you. Also, he sounds stressed. Are there any good things about him?
I could have imagined a reaction like that. But I was in a good mood, I said those things to him in a very normal way. I was shocked when he reacted so harshly. There are good things obviously.. he would do everything for me, and he ensures I have the best education and doctors.. But when he behaves like tonight, I feel I really don't know him. I have never had a good relation with him, but not so bad to expect stuff like tonight's. And it wasn't the first time...
He is so careful to have a great behaviour outside, that he thinks he can say and do anything inside his family. I'm not the one who shuts up. When I was little and he argued with my mother I was always there sticking on my mother's side, because my father sometimes has these exaggerate reactions. And when I was really small he kicked me, then when I grew up he just told me abusive stuff.. I can't stand that. I wanted to go studyinf away, but It was expensive, and so I'm still here living with my parents. I knew this situation could not have improved.
I'm sure he was a strict parent, but for what my father tells, he was not as strict as my father, and he had never kicked my father.
I'm sure he was a strict parent, but for what my father tells, he was not as strict as my father, and he had never kicked my father.
Hey, I’m not sure how old you are, but you and your mother shouldn’t be in that house. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. I’m an adult now, but I went through abuse with my mother. There were 7 kids and she only beat two of us. Not sure why, except I was the only boy and my sister and I were close. If we fought back, I got it worse. She was nice some days and out of her mind mean others. She still has a negative impact on my life. I could write a book, but for now you have to know you deserve better and you need to live in a safe place. Nobody should have that much fear of a parent. Coming out to him wouldn’t go well- he’s not worth the effort. I feel your pain!!!!
He's not so abusive. He doesn't behave this way every day, but still I don't like him as a person, and I got irritated around him. He thinks he is this perfect person and all the other people who are different from him are weird and wrong. He's always ready to judge. If things go well, next year I'm gonna go live in another place to get a master's degree
I hate my dad. He's never kicked me but I think that's because he knows I'd kick him back. He does threaten to hit me and did hit me and my siblings as kids. My brother and sister hate him too. He hates how close I am with my mother, he acts jelous of me. He won't go anywhere if I'm going and he terrorises my dog. He tells me to shut up constantly and told me I was only born because the chemist was closed. He screams at me my mum and my dog and threatens to kill my dog on a regular basis. He's crazy. Then we get around his family and he totally changes. If I complain about him they look at me like I'm over reacting. I complained about him once and had listen to my aunt talk about how hard things were for him and using the word poor in front of his name. The only poor he is, is a poor excuse for a father. Mum mum says he's nothing like her dad and shouts at him when he's mean to me. I don't think I'd miss him if he was dead. I've never told I'm gay and never will. He's a narcissistic, paranoid asshole and he is miserable and tries to make everyone else feel as bad as him. You know it's bad when you and your mother can go on for hours about his appalling behaviour. Your father sounds the same. I used to be scared of my dad but he's lost most of his power now I ignore him. I'm never around him without my iPod. You deserve better but until you can get out of there do your best to ignore him and remember he's the one with the problem.
From the story you told, it seems that you want an honest and equal relationship with your father. But it seems like he isnt going to give you such a relationship. He still sees you as a little kid and there is nothing you can do, right now, to change that. If I were you, I would just keep my head down and go along with whatever your father says or does until you move out next year. Keep yourself safe. Keep a level head and concentrate on yourself. Let your father stew in his own ignorance. I remember being 20 years old and living with my parents. Emotions can get very high. I hated every single thing my stepdad did. But now I am moved out, a lot of what he did seems very trivial to me. Maybe it will be the same for you also?
I'm pretty sure our relationship could improve when I'll move out. Usually he's fine, I think he's proud of me, but maybe having two strong characters and living everyday in the same house, led sometimes to have an argue.
I have a similar relationship with my stepfather. I live with my brothers, my mom and with him. My parents divorced when I was still young and my dad moved to another city. I have a great relationship with both of my parents, and I visit my dad almost every second weekend. But to be honest I've never accepted my stepfather as a part of my family, unlike my dad's current wife, even though he married my mom and thus I have to live with him until I move out (if everything goes well, it will happen in half a year). He's similar like you described your father, maybe just less violent, but he's extremely grumpy. He complains about everything, only sees mistakes that others do (while not being able to accept his own), and never ever praised someone for achieving something / doing something good. He wants others to listen to him and follow his rules at home, because he needs to be the boss, but is not able to sometimes adapt to other's needs. Uhhh, I cannot wait for the day when I move out. It's not that he's an evil person, he's even okay with gay people so he would probably not care at all if I come out to him, but his behavior is just sometimes so annoying. So I totally understand how you feel. Good luck and hopefully you'll be able to move out as you want to.
