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Getting Better at Not Giving a Sh**

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Devil Dave, Apr 21, 2018.

  1. Devil Dave

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    So I've spent a big chunk of my life being shy and inhibited because I always worried about how other people would perceive me. I was always the quiet kid in the corner, who people would forget was around because I didn't join in with activities and conversations that everyone else was having. I thought it would change after I came out of the closet, which was about 14 years ago, but it didn't. I was still always quiet and standoffish. I always felt like I just wasn't impressive enough or cool enough or dangerous enough to be anyone's best mate.

    But now, I don't care if I'm not impressive to others. I don't care if people think I'm being rude or too polite. I'll be as quiet or as chatty as I want, depending on my mood. I have a job that keeps me active and gives me challenges without being too tiring, and I'm part of a great team who appreciate me. I have friends who I am as close to as I want to be. I am flirty when I want to be and I am serious when I think I should be.

    Some people seem to want more from me than I am willing to give, but that's their problem, not mine. If I think you're special, I'll let you know. If you're not my cup of tea, I'll let you know as kindly as I am able to, but if you press me, you're going to see my ugly side.

    I don't know why I'm typing all of this, I just wanted to share some thoughts and feelings about my newfound confidence. Sometimes, to stand up for myself, I need to disregard other people's feelings and opinions and make sure my own voice gets heard. Some people won't like it, and some people will. The people who respect me and appreciate my honesty are the ones who matter.
     
  2. anonmember

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    Good for you! That is a hard step for a lot of people to take. I have gotten better at not caring myself, but I still somewhat care.
     
  3. Devil Dave

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    I think its important to know when to care and when not to. I mean, when we are pleasing the people we like, then that makes us happy. But when we find ourselves trying to be nice to people who don't deserve our kindness and pretending that we care about their feelings, then that's very depressing. It takes a lot of energy out of us. So its times like this when we have to tell ourselves to not give a shit.

    My deputy manager gave me some good advice today, when I was telling him about an irate customer I was serving. I said that I would have gladly dealt with the customer's problem if he had been patient, but they just wanted to be an asshole, and my deputy manager said "that's fine, just be an asshole back to them."
     
  4. Rakkitora

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    I think I can relate to this, sometimes when I'm feeling unhappy, I realize that it's because I'm not working towards my happiness; I'm trying to make someone else happy. And like you said, if you like someone, then there's no conflict between the two, but sometimes you just have to realize that ultimately feeling fulfilled will come from focusing on your own goals and motivations, rather than those of others.
    I think about this stuff, but then I always seem to fall back into my old ways of trying to please other people at a sacrifice to my own emotional well-being.
     
  5. Devil Dave

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    I probably didn't word that sentence very well. "pleasing someone we like" can be interpreted in different ways. There are people we want to trust us and to rely on us and to be grateful for us, and some of them do appreciate our efforts, and some of them don't. Unfortunately, there are times when we like people who don't like us back, at least not in the way we would like them to. And that causes a different kind of depression. I know I've found myself in that situation.

    But having been through that experience - trying to please someone who I thought was worth the effort, but wasn't - I've now become more resolute when it comes to dealing with people who definitely aren't worth the effort. I didn't get my desired outcome from someone I admired, so why should somebody who I don't admire get their desired outcome from me?