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Don't know how to aproach girls

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Lisboa, Apr 18, 2018.

  1. Lisboa

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    I'm bi but i have struggles with aproching girls beacuse it's not like i can ask them if they are bisexual. How can i aproach these really gorgeous girl if i don't know if she is bi,lesbian or not. Should i just put myself out there ?
     
  2. Hidden One

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    Take advice from the closeted trans man. What I do is walk up to a girl and rest an arm on her shoulder and just seem super friendly. After being in the conversation for a minute or two, being slightly flirty, I am either sent off being called a perv/creep or I have her number.
     
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  3. Lisboa

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    Thanks a lot you're super confident. You've inspired me i'll try that for sure, after all i have nothing to lose.
     
  4. Silver Snow

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    This girl I met at college came out to me about four seconds after meeting..... No, seriously. I sat down next to my sister, who was sitting next to this new girl, L. L said, “I asked your sister if you were dating or sisters because people always confuse me and my girlfriend for sisters.”

    How did I come out to her after that? I asked how she met her girl, and she said online. I nodded, and said, “Yeah, it’s basically impossible to find a girlfriend any other way.”

    Admittedly, that’s a pretty unique situation, but I’ve found if you make it obvious you’re into girls, they’ll usually say something if they are as well.

    L’s girlfriend broke up with her two weeks ago. I’m waiting for the right time to make my move. ;]
     
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  5. Lisboa

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    Wow maybe i'll try online haha. Good luck with the girl. If you do make a move let me know in this post how it went. I'd love to hear how it went.
     
  6. Silver Snow

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    Will do.

    We’re going on a road trip next weekend with several other girls from college. I’m going to put a post on here asking advice. Maybe I’ll at least get the chance to get a little closer.
     
  7. Lisboa

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    Sure you will and she'll she how great you are. Good luck!
     
  8. Dotwork

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    Hey @Lisboa
    Maybe just try dropping something about your orientation into the conversation?
    For example, you could say something like ‘my ex SHE used to do this or do that...etc’ or if you haven’t had an ex girlfriend then you could say ‘this girl that I had a crush on was amazing’ or something along those lines. That way you’ve outed yourself without going down the whole ‘hi...I’m bisexual, what about you?’ Which could be a bit awkward.
    I made that rookie mistake once and just outright asked this girl if she was into guys or girls. Well...she looked at me like I was a lunatic and it was obvious that it had made her feel uncomfortable. Not everyone would act like that of course but it kinda put me off using that approach, maybe I’ll try it again one day. Who knows.
    Also the other week I was out with friends and was chatting away to this very hot woman who I’d never met before (a friend of a friend type thing). Anyway, she asked me if I had a boyfriend to which I simply replied ‘no...but I’m more into girls anyway’ I said this with a cheeky grin on my face and by the end of the night we had a little kiss. I think she was intrigued lol.
    Basically what I’m saying is that I’ve found it better to let them know in some sort of way what your own orientation is. Then just see their reaction, they’ll either say that they are too as you’ve opened up that line of conversation or will just give you a pat on the back and say good for you or whatever. I think that If they know your orientation and they are interested then they’ll let you know in some shape or form
     
  9. Lisboa

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    That seems very reasonable i'll defenitly try that with the girl i like and let you know how it went. She is the friend of my best friend but shes gorgeous and really open minded hope it works.
     
  10. Miri

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    Great suggestions from the users above! Something I always like to do to ease into the topic is bring up things like gay pride, gay/queer films or works of art (Love, Simon is perfect for this!), or a recent political or global event concerning gay rights or issues. If the person you’re talking to responds with some interest to the topic, you have a green light to move forward and maybe get more personal - you can try dropping a “my ex-girlfriend” or “this girl I had a crush on” as mentioned above, because if your conversation partner doesn’t react strictly negatively to the aforementioned topic, and better yet if they react positively, the worst you can get at this point from revealing your own identity is probably along the lines of “hey, that’s cool, I’m an ally!”. On the other hand, if mentioning something cautious as above elicits a strictly negative reaction - like “oh, well, I think that movie’s kind of weird - why can’t we just settle for straight romances instead of pushing an agenda?” or “I have nothing against gay people, but why do they have to get up in our faces with their parades, you know?” - then it’s probably a good idea to back off (and maybe find someone better to talk to!). Of course, in this day and age, you hopefully won’t get too much of the latter. Nevertheless, I find this is a good litmus test to see if someone is just politely discussing gay stuff with you or whether their interest could go deeper. (Take it with a grain of salt, of course - unless and until she tells you, “I’m attracted to girls,” or something similarly final, she could just be a really cool girl who likes the idea of people finding their own happiness, but nonetheless only likes men herself. Don’t be fooled! Falling for a straight girl is a sure and painful recipe for heartbreak.)

    On the other hand, the way I tried coming out to my roommate was by (among other things) slyly mentioning in two truths, one lie that I’d had a relationship, but never a boyfriend, and she just stared at me in confusion until we had to move on. Then she told me the next day out of the blue that she was bisexual, so of course I blurted out that I was gay and that was a huge relief. Moral of the story - everything turned out all right in the end, but if you really want to tell someone you like girls - even if they do too! - you might have to just tell them that right out, and that’s okay. Whatever gets the job done!

    Regardless, I wish you the best of luck and hope you find and fall mutually in love with the woman of your dreams!
     
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  11. Lisboa

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    That is very encouraging. I think it is actually difficult but once you find love it's worth it. Thanks for sharing your story