Hey, haven't posted on here in a while, but feeling a bit lost. I came out about 18 months ago after falling deeply in love with someone I couldn't be with... then proceeded to fall for someone else who couldn't face their sexuality and pushed me away. Now I'm seeing a girl and she really likes me... but I'm just not sure how I feel. I don't feel as intensely for her as I did for the others I fell for, but not much ever happened with either of them so I'm thinking maybe it was so intense because I couldn't have them. I know no one else can tell me how i feel but I just don't know what to do. I'm a chronic worrier and over thinker so i may even be worrying about nothing. I was with a man for 10 years that I had no attraction to whatsoever though and I'm just so scared of ending up in that place again. If anyone can offer any advice/wisdom it would be much appreciated!
How long have you been seeing her? Do you enjoy her company and enjoy spending time with her? Some people just need more time to get to really know a person and trust them.
Hi thanks for replying. It's been a couple of months and I do like spending time with her. But I guess there's not any big feelings like I had before, and I feel guilty that I still see her although I don't feel like that. Which doesn't feel good!
Would you say you’ve moved on from the other two? Could you still have feelings for them even though you know that nothing is going to happen etc? As that could stop you opening up to someone new or it could just be that you aren’t compatible. It’s hard as you don’t want to hurt her but then you don’t want to end it too early if you think you might fall for her more if you spend more time together. What does your gut say to do?
You know that you are by nature a worrier. Having had such disappointment with the other two it’s only natural that you expect the worst from this relationship. You say she really likes you. That alone should tell you that it’s a good start. I can’t say how it will end up (clairvoyance not being in my repertoire) but it sounds like this deserves a chance. It’s only been a couple of months and sometimes it takes time for a relationship to develop. Give it a go and enjoy what you have. Hopefully there will come a time when you want to get more involved.
And maybe ask yourself if it's the fear of the past or if it's something else (physical attraction, not the same interests), etc.
Hey try not to be too hard on yourself. How did you meet her? How did you meet the other 2 girls you fell for? 2 months isn't that long it may be that you just need more time.
