Hi peoples, This isn’t really a gay related topic per say but I’m 20 and have no license and I feel like a big loser. So basically I started trying to drive and got my permit when 18 but then I also started college so I had no more time for lessons. Then my permit expired and I retook it again at 19 and started lessons till now at 20. I took my first driver’s test in March and failed really badly. I was really nervous and I made a turn too fast so the examiner breaked the car and got mad at me. That’s not the worst part though. My dad and instructor were waiting for me and I felt so ashamed that I had failed within 2 mins of leaving the DMV that when I got out the car I burst into tears and started crying in front of everyone. I honestly really don’t like driving. I know driving is essential to transportation and being an adult (my mom says I’m basically handicapped that I can’t drive) but I hate driving. I get confused at intersections and I’m scared of dying/ car accidents and I have social anxiety so driving is a combination of all my hatreds. I get overloaded when I drive and I hate it. Ever since I failed that DMV test I stopped practicing my driving. I feel like I lost a lot of confidence and I get such bad performance anxiety (test-wise) that I feel I will never pass. I really am so mad and frustrated because it’s so embarassing that I can’t drive. My relatives and friends and parents are constantly asking and making fun of me for not driving and the more they do it the less I want to drive even. I just feel like I gave up at ever being a competent driver. I don’t know what I’m looking for posting this. Maybe encouragment or something.
A couple suggestions: Perhaps find a better instructor that will be more understanding of your fears and that will take you through the steps at a pace you're comfortable with? A good instructor can make all the difference. Or, depending on the infrastructure in your area and the climate, start cycling? As long as there are bike paths or quiet streets on which you can cycle safely, cycling really is a very efficient mode of transportation, unless you have long distances to go every day? Do you live in a major city? Forget the car and live in an area where you can walk/cycle or take public transportation to work/school/shopping/whatever. The cost of living in a more central area is generally offset by the fact that you have no loan/insurance payments or gas to pay. Especially if you live in a major city, there is nothing handicaping/loser about not having a driver's licence. I have lots of friends who don't.
I'm sure it's only a mental issue. I needed some time to practice driving, and I still find it difficult to do some things with the car, but the whole driving is not difficult itself. You should try being more relaxed. I feel nervous too when I think that I HAVE to do something, so try thinking that even if you won't take the licence soon it wouldn't be the end of the world And about your friends making fun of you, maybe they don't deserve you .
I think I’ll search for a better instructor although the problem is that they’re all so damn expensive. I think my instructor wasn’t that great either because although he took me on all the DMV test routes, sometimes I couldn’t understand what he would tell me. Anyway I live in LA and the problem is when I transfer to a UC, most likely I will need to drive when I’m on my own wherever I get accepted into
Keep practicing and you will build confidence in your driving abilities. Don’t give up on getting a license. Maybe the law has changed since I got my license but I thought that once you’re over 18 you can go for the drivers test without paying for drivers training.
I'm not sure that this is much comfort...but you aren't alone in this. For a start, it's not unusual to fail a test on the first try. I failed my first test. It wasn't anything dramatic, but a number of small things that went wrong. Second test went better, and I passed. I also remember my mother telling me she failed her first test. I also recall having huge confidence issues even once I had a license. I don't think I drove on a freeway, for example, for more than 2 years after getting my license. I did not like busy streets. But I was OK with quiet, familiar streets--which alone was helpful, since I could at least drive places I needed to go, like school. And I recall periods of absolutely hating driving, too... I got my license fairly late. I think most kids had it by 16 or so when I was growing up. But I was 17 1/2 when I started driver's training, and just barely 18 when I had the license. I recall pressure from my mother, since she felt like a license was critical. (I didn't object so much to having a license, but my big complaint was having to take a high school driver's training class. Although, looking back, it was a good program, and it was the cheapest approach.) Just the learning was an adventure. The program required driving practice with a teacher, and I ended up logging far more time that was technically required just because I was so bad! The teacher I rode with most of the time apparently spent a lot of time complaining about me to the other teachers. One of the other teachers went out with me once, and told me about the complaints he heard, and that I really wasn't that bad. I reported that to the first teacher, and I think his reaction was the second teacher was crazy. Two things I realize now--the first teacher only taught in summer, and the second teacher taught year round. So the second teacher was more experienced, and a specialist. Secondly, I think the car had a lot to do with it--the first teacher's car was less forgiving of my problems... I can't say I ever got to a point of perfect confidence--unfamiliar roads, heavy traffic, and bad weather can still stress me out... But at least I got to a point where day to day driving where I live isn't a big deal. In a way, at times, I've thought I'd be happy never driving again. At the moment, I don't drive (although it's a financial issue). But I'm glad I have the license, because it's there if I need or want it.
I'm 20 too, also in college, and also have no license. I only got my learners permit a few months ago too and have never even attempted the driving test knowing I'm not good enough for it yet. You're definitely not alone in feeling the way you described in the original post. It sounds nearly identical to things I've written before about it.
You are not alone in this. I am 24 and still have my learner's permit. It's the damn parallel parking that gets me!
The key- just find someone with lots of patience. Nobody does well with someone barking instructions you don’t understand. Start by driving in an area with little traffic... I know- it doesn’t exist in LA. Just keep driving around the block until you have corners mastered. Then maybe be to a little busier spot and practice lane changes etc... finally, master parking. I’ve taught several kids to drive and I’ve found relaxing, taking things slowly and lots of practice does the trick. Don’t give up, you can do it.
Your instructor should not have let you take the test when you clearly werent ready. This is your instructors fault. Not yours. You are the student, you can only do your best and put in to practice what you have learned. I got my licence at 25. I failed my first time around as I hit the breaks so hard that the guy testing me dropped his clipboard on the car floor
Yep, it's a mental issue alright. It took me my 4th attempt to pass my test, and with me a go kart champion lol. I was 18. The first time I drove too fast and basically went round a corner with the car almost up on 2 wheels (I probably thought I was in a race at the time, who knows), the second fail I over compensated and drove too slow (driving Miss Daisy, methinks), and the third fail I had the same examiner as the second exam that I failed, and locked the doors of the car and refused to let him in, which was an immediate fail anyway! The fourth time was the most pressurised for a number of reasons. Notwithstanding my 3 previous fails (which my mother frequently rubbed in my face due to my sister's passing first time) the test was in a different location to those conducted before, and the test commenced in a multi storey car park with narrow entry/exit roads and high slopes. To make it worse, on the same day my parents were moving house to a place about thirty miles away from where we were living, and I needed to pass and have a car so that I could continue to live at home while going to college near where I used to live. Despite all of this, I managed to pass. That was 26 years ago and I haven't looked back. And neither will you.
You are absolutely not alone. My fiancée is 25 and doesn’t have her license. It took me roughly seven years to get mine. My mom started teaching me when I was 14, I took drivers’ ed when I was 15, and then I didn’t take the test until after I was 18. I failed because I was supposed to take a right turn but it was downhill and I didn’t see it until it was too late. I cried the whole way home. I didn’t take the test again until I was almost 21 and passed it. I used to have panic attacks every time my mom so much as said “I’m going to make you drive.” I still get anxious when I have to make left turns into traffic and will go out of my way to avoid it if I can. The biggest thing for me, other than just a lot of driving after I got my license, was the sense of relief when I could do it by myself. Once I wasn’t constantly worried about what my mom was thinking in the passenger seat and whether she was going to yell at me, I stopped having panic attacks. It wasn’t about her forcing me to drive her somewhere; if I wanted to go, I had the choice to take myself there. That's not to say that I don't still get anxious. I do. I'm just slowly acquiring the skills to handle it.
