I'm mid/late thirties. Queer. Born male, genderqueer. Good hygiene (it matters a lot to me). Out for about a year between being out to myself and friends. Family is off the table for now. I haven't had relations with another male since I was much younger... preteen/early teens. We were clueless. I have a lot of anxiety about the act, meeting someone, getting to the act, being treated like a person... expectations... how to get into a casual? safe? relationship? Whats expected, what isn't. I don't want to embarrass myself or be the object of ridicule. Where I am is small and it's somewhat dodgy being gay here sometimes. I don't know anyone in the community and we have no gay bars. I have tried, but its a bit hard other than these hookup apps which doesn't lend itself to much beyond "right now"... and luckily I never responded and then found myself bascially "embarrassing" myself. I almost did everything wrong. I almost met someone off CL before a female friend was like, "Whoa! yeah, no, don't do that" and schooled me. I was just trying to be anonymous and not get beat up or worse. I've been on the G app. I got lots of interest. I don't know what I am doing. I met a friend online, but they tell me all the time, "I take risks... maybe don't listen to me", which is confusing. I know I'm a bottom. I know I'm not really into the fetish life, but I am naturally somewhat submissive. I have no interest in my genitals right now, like me getting off "frontally?" but I have a yearning to do this. What I call a "little fire" to do this. I don't know how to deal with it or how to go about any of this. That online friend told me how to prepare. Enema/wet wipes, and all that. Warned me that as a virgin I might seek a better more stable kind of casual fwb thing but... you have to have friends to have benefits with them. There's plenty of 20 somethings running around here, you know on the apps, but you know... I'm not 20 something. IDK... It's exciting... AND depressing. I don't know where to start or how to get the "ball rolling"? ANy advice at all is appreciated and I've picked up some tidbits here and there and searching here but not so very specific to my situation and concerns.
Hi marshak, Welcome to EC! You'll find lots of good advice here. I particularly recommend the LBGT Later In Life section.
