I know this prob gets old but just coming out

My first two weren’t great, but the next 4 went better. Then I came out to 2 straight guy friends and they were so supportive. One guy has a gay brother and he was so good for me because he realized what his brother went through. He snaps me all the time and gives me encouragement. I can tell him anything and he makes me feel good. Too bad he’s straight.

Find that supportive person and use them to keep you positive. Parents are tough - my parents are old so I haven’t told them. My dad would be fine, but he in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s so there is no point. My mother is a mean old hag and would call me names so I won’t give her the satisfaction. In the end, your sexuality is yours- if others don’t accept it, it’s their problem. It only matters to you and your partner.

 

First of all welcome.

About your coming out my advice would be don't rush it. Choose your moment carefully and the person you are coming out to. The first person I came out to was a high school friend. She didn't believe me at first but was very supportive in the end and still is to this day. The trick about coming out is to be calm and composed when you utter the magic words. You have to phrase your words carefully and not leave any doubt and make the person you come out too understand that this is who you are. That you are the same person they have known until now but you happen to like men. Your mother will come around eventually, you are her son and she loves you, she just needs time to adjust and accept the new you. My mom was like that too. In a way she already suspected but she was still shocked when I told her and believe me I wasn't nice about it when I told her. I was in a bad place at the time, had just broken up with my boyfriend and found out my best friend had a crush on me and she was pressing the issue asking me why I was sad and angry all the time and I told her: "Fine! You want to know what's wrong? Know that it's possible to have either a daughter-in-law or a son-in-law from me, yes that's right mom, I'm bisexual and there is nothing you can do about it". She just told me to be careful and don't let it ruin me. It was the old misconception that if you are gay or bi people will judge and treat you differently. Months passed until she was finally ready to actually utter the Bi-word or gay word. She even met some guys I dated. Give it time she will come around.
About your father, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not on speaking terms with mine and wouldn't ever consider telling him. But If my step-father was alive I would tell him in a heartbeat. I would just choose the right moment when we are both alone, preferably somewhere out of the house, with a beer in hand doing some good old fashioned father-son bonding. I would start by reassuring him that nothing that I will say to him would change the fact that I still respect and care about him and that no matter what I feel or how I am, I'm still me.

In the end the moral is that coming out isn't always great you get positive reactions and bad ones. You just have to be strong and don't let it grind you down. It's your life and peoples opinions about what you like to do in bed or who you kiss shouldn't bother you. You will meet people in life that will accept you for who you are and that will appreciate you for your mind not for your appearance or sexual orientation. Feel free to ask me questions if you need help or just want to talk to someone.

 

Hello @Dlud ! Welcome to EC!

I'm very sorry that your Coming Out didn't go well with your mom. One thing I would say is that, in the longrun, Coming Out is about YOU being YOU, not about how others react. People who won't accept you for who you truly are, are not worth having in your life in the longrun. Although, rejection by parents, other family members and close friends hurts the worst. In many cases, as those people become better educated about LGBTQ people and issues (since you may be the ONLY LGBTQ person that they actually know in real life), they may come to understand in time that their misguided, ignorant prejudices can be overcome by their value and love for you as a family member and friend. Obviously, and very unfortunately, that doesn't always happen. But it seems to be happening much more often these days than in it did even 25 yeas ago. And that is a very good thing because it means that more people around the world are becoming better educated and informed about LGBTQ people and issue.

Just my 2cents.

 

Coming out isn’t always easy. In a way, I came out to my school. It didn’t go extremely well, but it wasn’t a flop either. I’d suggest maybe letting him know in a slow manner. Not outright saying it until the end? Like “I do like the same gender, but this doesn’t make me a different person....blah blah blah. So in short, I’m gay” or something like that. If you think that it’s something they’ll react badly to, then you can either give them much shorter talk or give them a note or text maybe? I’m not a pro, but I hope this helps

 

Well worded Quantumreality.

Best wishes Dlud, welcome to EC.