I can't remember the last time l cried it's been couple years (except while chopping onion). I used to be very emotional and oversensitive and used to cry a lot 6-5 years ago, I know that Zoloft makes me indifferent and insensitive but I see crying as a weakness and I hate when people l love cry, I don't wanna have a boyfriend cry unless it's unbearable I want him strong unlike me. I hate being sensitive people like me get crushed in real life and get mocked ,especially here, I don't know how l lived before medication but sometimes l really wanna cry, then it turns to emotional numbness, depression, lack of motivation, suicidal thoughts, don't-see-any-point-in-doing-anything mood. Sometimes l wish l run away from my family and their problems or from this country and start fresh, the only reason l don't suicide because l don't wanna go to hell; I would have suicided long time ago. When l am rational, helping people gives a little meaning to my life. Any thoughts are appreciated, thanks for reading.
I used to see crying as a weakness too, and tried to numb any sad feelings to avoid it. It worked, but it wasn't a good way to deal with things in the long run. There's nothing wrong at all with being a sensitive person - it shows that you have depth to your personality when most people are just shallow and superficial. It makes you special because you can understand the struggles other people are going through on a deeper level than most people can. I don't really think I'm more emotional than the average person, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I've cried a lot over the last few months. Mostly over gay related things and how that has permanently changed my future, my family, and my religious views. Difficult things in life shouldn't be made more difficult by being afraid to express the emotions you feel over them. I'm so sorry you feel badly over this, and it honestly makes me sad to see you write that you want to commit suicide, because you're such a nice person and even though we've only ever talked on this site I know you've gone through a lot and deserve to be happy. You were one of the first people to start talking to me on this site, and you've always been so friendly and welcoming towards me. I seriously can't think of anyone else who has a right to be sensitive and cry sometimes more than you. You're gay in the least LGBT friendly region of the entire world, believe in the least LGBT friendly religion, your country has been at war for almost half of your life, and not long ago you mentioned bombs were being dropped near your house. It's amazing that you're able to function as well as you do - I'd be a nervous wreck if I had to deal with those things for so long like you have. You might not think so, but you're an incredibly strong person for being able to handle those things. I really hope you feel better soon, and if leaving your country is what you think it would take to be happy - then that's definitely something you could look into and pursue one day. I remember seeing you post somewhere that you're studying environmental sciences. Having a university degree makes it much more likely that you would be allowed to immigrate to a new country, and science is always a useful and in-demand skill needed by all countries. We might only know each other from this site, but I consider you a friend and I'll always be here for you if you want to talk about anything that's bothering you.
I had a feeling you will be the first one to reply and l am really happy you did . I felt your honest words and you made feel better. Knowing that someone cares about me and/or understand what l am feeling, makes a difference. Thank you for being such a nice person @Destin *Hugs*.
I'm not sure since everyone is different and you mentioned medication might be affecting it too - for me I've managed to make myself cry when I knew it'd make me feel better by thinking about animals being sad because of something bad that happened to them. It sounds a little messed up, but I'd imagine something like a baby deer getting separated from its mother because of hunters and having to be alone and scared for a long time. I'd imagine being the baby deer and thinking about what I'd feel in each situation, like how to get food and how to avoid hunters - missing the mother deer the whole time. I have a soft spot in my heart for animals, because they're completely innocent and never do anything bad or manipulative. They just exist and go about their lives peacefully. So thinking of bad things happening to the innocent creatures when they don't deserve it gets me in a sad crying mood. This post makes me look crazy haha, but yea it works for me.
Haha no you don't look crazy, l love animals too especially baby ones. But I guess l need more than that to cry, maybe cut off my medication overnight but that is really a crazy idea.
It's probably not a good idea to stop taking the medication. It could take a while for it to start working again if you miss a dose of it.
Saw your messages on my profile - no my profile posting isn't working yet still. It works like once every few hours usually and I just have to hope I'm online during that time to respond to people. It won't let me post on yours right now. Might as well just respond here. You shouldn't feel bad at all about not being around when that thing with my family happened. Even if you were, you still wouldn't have known about it anyway. I didn't tell anyone except a staff member in a PM when it happened, and waited a while after that to share the story with anyone else. I've tried to mostly keep my breakdowns and sad stuff in PM's so it doesn't make other people more sad reading it. People have their own struggles, so I wouldn't want them to have to be concerned about me on top of it (the breakdowns got really bad, it wasn't just a looking for advice type of post like this one is).
Ugh, we are alike on not wanting to bother others with our problems, the same reason why l was hesitant to post this thread for a few weeks maybe 2 months, but sometimes we just explode and letting it out which is better than keep the negative thoughts floating in our heads.
After re-reading this, it sounds worse than I meant it to. I didn't at all mean to say that you're struggles in this thread aren't 'really bad', they are of course since you felt badly at the time.
Yea, exploding can be healthy sometimes for sure and lets all the toxic emotions out. I think it's mostly just how I was raised. Since I have two disabled brothers who have a hard time even doing things all non-disabled people can do easily like walking - any problems I was having seemed really insignificant in comparison so I learned to just stay quiet about them to not take any attention away from my brothers problems.
It makes me sad that nobody except you replied to my thread, it could have been worse like death/life situation, I posted before here about having very strong suicidal thoughts like near actually doing it type of thoughts and people just overlooked it, I was like Great nobody cares.
I don't think it's that nobody cares - they just get kinda burnt out answering posts like that. I've only been here a month and I've probably seen at least 100 posts about people talking about suicidal thoughts. After a while people just give up answering them knowing there will always be more. Niagara would have answered this if he saw it though - he likes you too, he's just been busy with school stuff so hasn't done much here for awhile.
Hello! I can't add much that was not already said here, but I fully echo everything Destin said and also support you 100% my friend.
