First online dating heartbreak (here we go...)

Honestly I wouldn't waste any more time or energy on her, apart from maybe making you feel better inside (which I am not actually sure it would) I don't think calling her out on it would benefit you.

 

Hey @Rana I am so sorry to hear you got mixed up with such a confused and let's be honest, immature and spiteful woman. Yeah sure, she may be hurting from a previous relationship, she may be feeling a little mixed up and I was inclined to see both sides of the story here and have compassion for you both, but then after you set your boundaries with her that you don't want to be her rebound and she started playing all those games with you at the gay bar ---that just makes her an asshole plain and simple.

I really feel from reading your posts that you have a beautiful, gentle and kind soul and are just looking for someone equally as kind to spend your days with. The silver lining in all of this is that by her inviting you out to the gay bar and then turning into a b**ch right in front of you means that you won't be dwelling on the 'what if's' and missing her too much. She's shown her true colours. She's got some work to do on herself and you deserve so much better. Wash your hands of her and move on to someone else. Literally shake it off. She is not worth your tears, your thoughts, you breath. You've been through so much to get to where you are....don't let a little spiteful brat get you down.

Get back out there and meet someone else to spend your days with - trust me she is out there, just waiting for you to appear too xx

 

Update:

T texted me yesterday to ask how I was, as if nothing happened the night before. I ignored her texts, then a couple hours later she called me.
I took the call and basically asked why the heck she wanted to see me since her actions were that of a serious jerk. She apologized and explained that she had been depressed all that day after I told her I couldn't see her anymore, and getting drunk made it worse, bla bla bla. She said she didn't know how to act around me. I still said that these are excuses, that she was a total jerk and I don't know why she's even calling.

Anyway, long story short...she apologized and that's that.
Obviously I don't consider her someone with whom I have any future, but there's no animosity for now...it's neutral for me. I'm hurt, but ready to move on.

I'm chatting with a couple of new matches online. Now I have to learn the balancing game of not being completely protective or closed off while also not getting my hopes up so quickly.

 

I'm glad that you found out. I hate that you were deceived. That was unacceptable behaviour on her part.

 

I'm so glad you feel ready to move on, there is someone out there who is just dying to meet you.

 

I'm so sorry, Rana. I hope you'll be able to move forward and find someone who is ready to have a healthy relationship.

 

My hope is you will find a place to meet someone in an organic fashion that feels natural and comfortable.

 

Thankyou for sharing- your story will definitely help me, as will the supportive comments

 

I’m so sorry! What a rough situation. while it hurts, you definitely are getting out before it gets too painful and that’s a testament to your strength and character.

 

Is a city not big enough for 2 lesbians? I was out last night with a friend, and who do I run into of all people? You guessed it....Ms. T.
She usually frequents the 1 lesbian bar in town, so I've avoided that place like the plague. That's why my friend and I went to a different (mostly gay) bar. We weren't in there long before I see T waltz in alone.
She saw me and came to say hi, sat down, and talked for a while. She didn't hesitate to talk about the ex she's still not over, who's now recently single (which I'm sure she's happy about). We had to leave so that was that (or so I thought).

Almost immediately (within 30 minutes of leaving), I get bombarded with texts from T. Everything from how awesome she thinks I am, how sorry she was about everything, how much fun she had hanging out with me, etc. She went on to basically ask for a second chance. Essentially she thinks the fact that she's not completely over someone doesn't mean she can't give all of herself to a new person. I obviously disagree, and then there's the added problem of remembering her vindictive behavior towards me when she was hurt. My mind is screaming, "Run away," but my heart doesn't want to listen. I haven't really responded to her yet.

The truth is that, as crazy as it sounds, I do have a some feelings for her. This makes me feel so foolish. No one in their right mind should entertain the idea of even trying again with this person. What's wrong with me? I was doing better until I saw her again. Now I'm thinking that hanging out with her won't be that bad when I know there's no real future there, and potentially a painful ending. Help!! I logically know I shouldn't be with her. How can I make my heart believe it?

 

Dang! I'm so sorry, Rana! I feel kind of sorry for T because she missed out on having a meaningful relationship with you. Her loss!
Hugs
=Sevn

 

@Rana , I just caught your last post. Normally I try not to give advice, but I really hope you'll keep your distance from T. She is toxic.

 

Holy shit, what an awful woman! Honestly... I would almost ask her to leave you alone at this point. This sounds awful. I’m so sorry!

ETA: you’re not foolish for developing feelings. You’re human after all and it happens. What’s important is for you to take care of yourself and find someone who will love you for you and not screw with your emotions.

 

Please take care of yourself. Listen to your instincts, which are telling you to run away. And if your town is just too small now, imagine how it will be when you end up being her ex, and she's waltzing in on your future relationships wherever she runs into you.

 

As tempting as it is to go back, I think you are right in trying to avoid her as best you can as she sounds like one of those clingy, obsessive types so will probably never leave you alone. She has to sort herself out first and she’s not there yet.

 

The plot thickens.

So T and her ex (who she's still in love with) are friends. The other day she texts me to say that I shouldn't feel threatened by her ex, and that she really wants to give us (me and T) a shot at dating and see where it goes. She also says she has spoken to her ex about me and the ex is happy for her, and encouraged her to not give up on pursuing me.

What the heck? So now T is giving me all kinds of reasons in her mind as to why she & I should start dating again. How is this possible? Where can anything new "go" if one person is in love with someone from their past? I feel crazy here.

 

You’re not the crazy one. They are! I’d say, “ Thanks but no thanks.” Sheesh. If it’s going to be this fraught before you’ve really gotten to know her, what dangers are in store for you down the line if you pursue this? These, my friend, are red flags and you shouldn’t ignore them.

There are lots of nice women out there. You just need to give yourself a chance to meet them and see which one clicks with you.

 

Exactly! This statement is everything!

 

Hi @Rana - sorry to hear you are dealing with this.. It sounds like T is Very indecisive, and either confused or likes to keep her options going..
Any of these possibilities are red flags which may indicate that there is no room to trust and invest into her..
It is tough to ignore your feelings, especially when 'the plot thickens'. I like the fact that you are staying true to yourself.
You are backing off because she doesn't fit your wants and needs, as her situation and behavior are not aligned with yours.
Hang in there..

 

Don't feel bad because you have feelings, we can't help who we have feelings for but we can help what we do about it and as everyone else has stated she sounds best at a very large distance. I can only see the situation getting worse, somyes thanks but no thanks.