I’m just wondering if others have felt this way, feeling like you are obligated to work out/attend the gym just to be visible to other people. I know that in the area where I live in you tend to see most gay guys who look like they have been hitting the gym a while. I just feel like to be seen or to be loved I have to do the same thing. Granted now I do like going to the gym now but underlying that (and still a large part of it all) is the need to look muscled and the like just to be able to attract people or be loved. Even looking in the mirror amounts to disappoint since it’s only a minor difference and not what is required.
Yes, and its such a toxic feeling! You are worthy of love how you are right now. You deserve everything that you need and you deserve to felt seen. In our culture overall there is the stigma of not working out. Not only to be attractive, but some people truly think that if you aren't skinny then your morals and ethics should be questioned. But fuck that noise. Its hard as hell and it almost has to be a daily thing, but you have to work on basing your self-esteem on who you are as a person and not the number on your scale. There are a lot of resources out there on how to train your brain to be more body positive, but its definitely a daily struggle. One which is worth fighting. I myself I'm chubby. I'm 5'5 and I weight 190 pounds. I sometimes hate how I look. I hate that no matter how much I work out I'm simply maintaining my weight. I hate that I cope with stress with delicious chips and guac. But while I'm continuously working on bettering myself, I also have to remind myself that I'm worthy of love right now as I am. Someday its easy and someday I just hate it. Things that work for me: Be intentional with your thoughts. What would you say to your best friend if they are beating themselves up? Be your own best friend. Shut those thoughts up when they come your way. Stop thirsty following models and perfectly fit guys on social media. Stop consuming the "perfect" bodies and the picture "perfect" couples. Try to find content of guys who look like you and love themselves and their lives. They are out there. If you want to go to the gym to help your mental health and take care of yourself awesome, but do it for you and not to gain the acceptance of other people Work on other stuff that makes you proud!
I'm not going to BS you, people do care about looks, and positive thinking won't change that. I think it's stupid to overwork yourself at the gym for affection from people who may disappoint you in the end. That said, keeping your weight and appearance in check to a certain level can make sense when searching for a special someone. People have standards, and it's reasonable for them to want someone that's looking lean, healthy and presentable as their choice for a first date, considering how the cover is the first thing they can judge a book by at that point in time. Having a great personality and good manners is important for committing to more than a one night stand, but getting to the point where they find out all about you first requires a lucky right swipe or answering 'yes' to getting asked out. And that might take seeing you as a potential love interest in the first place, which is totally okay I think. Besides, looking sharp will most likely help you feel better about yourself date or no date
The Who you are bit kind of throws me for a loop since I have read too much Eastern philosophy (namely Buddhism) so I’m not too solid on that regard
I can agree to that, since I would by lying if I said I wasn’t at least somewhat vain when I look at others. I find something important to keep in mind is that just because someone looks hot doesn’t mean you’ll get along. Looks can only go so far.
