I’ve been questioning my sexuality a lot lately, but I don’t know how to put it into words and it’s driving me crazy, so I thought it would be helpful to hear how people knew they were gay/lesbian/bi/ace, but I couldn’t find a thread about it so I’ve decided to create my own. Please help a girl out and share how you knew below. Thanks!
For me it was being flirtatious with people I didn't expect to be flirtatious with. That and when same sex people were flirtatious with me, even though it was sometimes awkward, I also sometimes liked it, and then thinking back both on being flirted with and doing some flirting I realized that I had sexual feelings.
It took a long time for me to realize. At least, I think of it as a long time, but other people spend most of their lives not allowing themselves to understand what they want. It started in about 4th grade when I was friends with one of the popular boys at school. I realize I did things because he liked that I did them (not that I minded because it made everything so much nicer to be popular and look how other people thought was nice and cool). Then I realized I wanted more from our friendship than friendship than friendship, though I didn't understand what I wanted. I often felt like I should sit closer to him, and when my skin touched his I felt the wonderful, nervous warmth that brushes lightly against your chest when you have a crush on someone. I also remember when his water bottle got mixed up with a girls and people were Ewing - in third grade I guess that is what people do - and I just thought I wouldn't mind. And slowly, after I started high school, gay people started to become a real thing. They appeared - I mean this quite literally when I say I had never even heard of an actual gay person - out of nowhere. And it kind of just felt like maybe I agreed with those people that boys were really cute. Not to say I didn't play the whole denial and oh I'm bi so I'm not really gay thing for plenty of time.
I felt like I just started noticing guys more and no longer felt awkward if a gay guy hit on me. My fantasies were also leaning more towards men.
I went around in circles for months. Questioning everything several times. Questioning the questioning, etc. However, I eventually reached the conclusion that regardless of what I may have thought or done in the past, I've never felt sexually attracted to men, whereas I have towards women. I still struggle to connect my sexuality to myself, but I don't question it or doubt it these days.
I really always knew. Acceptance has been my challenge. 33 years ago I developed sexual feelings, started wet dreams, and obviously that was hard to deny, but somehow I did. I really didn't start to come to acceptance until I realized I had romantic feelings for men. I could pass off lust, but not love.
That’s where I feel I’m at now. I have always just kinda delt with it and just went with I am Bi. But now the more I embrace it the more I have realized it’s much deeper and much more.
Because of some experiences when I was younger, it was in the back of my mind, but I repressed it. Every so often I would think of men and it would worry and embarrass me. Sometimes I would admit it to myself, but later take it back. Fairly recently, fir whatever reason, I just admitted it to myself and have accepted it. I realize I’m bi now, it hasn’t changed my life. I’m still mostly attracted to women and faithful to my wife, but the stress of denying it to myself is over. I still need to come here now and then to talk about it, but it’s been pretty liberating
I kind of knew since I was 14 but I somehow managed to ignore it or try to explain it away. I was in love with my best friend and often had thoughts of wanting to kiss her, imagined us in a relationship and stuff, wanted to be as close to her as possible etc. I have no idea how I managed to ignore it or explain those thoughts away when I think about it now. I just think my denial was too strong. I also found women and womens body attractive and would often fantasize about women. When I thought about women I would get this weird bubbly and warm feeling in my body and I almost never got these feelings when I thought about men. When I look back I also got drawn towards tv shows with a gay relationship plot and loved it. I liked it so much more than straight relationship plots. I also got pretty mad or irritated when someone said something offensive about the LGBT comminuty though at the time I couldn't understand why I reacted the way I did. Looking back I also realize I got confused about my feelings towards women. I often thought I REALLY wanted to be friends with them, when in reality I was interested in them. I can tell the difference now though. I was in an extreme denial for about 24 years before I finally realized how much I like women. I label myself as bisexual but I lean heavily towards women.
When a male friend told me he had feelings for me it made me start seeing him differently. Instead of being uncomfortable when I noticed him watching me I actually liked it - which was confusing to me. Then I wanted him to look at me more, and started to not wear a shirt sometimes around him because it felt good knowing he could see more of me when he looked. Basic things like our arms or hands accidentally touching while sitting near each other wasn't weird - it was nice. I found myself subconsciously doing things like standing much closer to him than usual hoping he would touch me more. When good things happened instead of just saying 'good job dude' or something I wanted to hug him instead so we could touch each other. That's how I started to know, and how he started to become my boyfriend.
Hey there! This might not be relevant to you, but there is a thread on the "LGBT Later in Life" message board called "all the signs...what were yours?" that you may find interesting? https://forum.emptyclosets.com/inde...ns-what-were-yours.468745/page-3#post-6585052
It started to cross my mind when I was around 12 but I denied it to myself and found lots of 'explainations' as to why I thought certain things. I'd start to notice the beauty of a woman's body, reeeeeally wanted certain girls to like me and be close 'friends' with them, got jelouse when they where close to other girls... Plus anything lgbt related always felt so personal. I always felt different than my friends when it came to boys and I just didn't get why I never found a boy that I liked like that. I never wanted to kiss boys and was waiting for 'the one', but then I had the opportunity to kiss a girl when I was 15 and I totally wanted to do it so I went for it and loved it! I felt really bad afterwards and I really didn't want anyone who knew about that kiss to think I was a lesbian because I was still convinced I wasn't. Fast forward about 5 years: one day it just clicked. It had become too much to deny it to myself and it just felt so good to admit that I liked girls! Afterwards I went over it in my head for months, trying to decide on a label... If I have to label myself, I say I'm gay but otherwise I prefer to just go with 'I like girls' and see where that goes. Saying I'm gay or a lesbian feels a little restricting to me because who knows who I'll meet in the future. In those last 5 years I have kissed a boy and liked it and I have met guys I liked but it just hasn't been strong enough yet and nothing compared to girls and the feeling I had when I had a girlfriend for the first time.
It’s funny. Even though I answered before, I have since thought of other signs. Such as trying to kiss a boy when I was young, a strange attraction to certain shirtless men, an I acknowledged crush on a friend. How the hell did I ignore it for so long
I have this one friend that the sitting close thing always happens with. When we’re watching movies or tv, she sometimes puts her head on my shoulder and when she’s not, I always want her to. Also, whenever she sleeps over, in the night we almost always end up touching somehow and I like, look forward to it. But I just think maybe I’m starved of affection and that’s why I look forward to these moments and whenever I seriously think about the possibility that it be indicative of some other feelings, it seems so separate from my real life that I’m sure it’s just my imagination. These thoughts and implications seem so separate from real life that it doesn’t even seem real, even talking about it now seems fake, like some daydream or story that I’ve imagined, and so I brush it off because it feels like a completely different person.
That separate person might just be the real you, even though the person doing the talking right now never seems to like that idea... we change ourselves a lot for others, and sometimes our brains forgets what things we do because it is an advantage to our social status and what things we really want to. Those parts of us can become very separate over time and it takes a lot to get back to being who you are.
When I realised that all my attractions to women were forced and unnatural, and that my attractions to men were innate and I couldn't turn them off, I finally had to be honest with myself.
I suppose the first sign was when I was never attracted to guys and couldn't picture myself in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with a man in the future, even though other kids (I was 10-11 then) were starting to get crushes. I tried to have feelings for guys since I'd been told that I'd eventually have a boyfriend and then a husband, but I failed miserably and was very confused when I later had a crush on a girl. Throughout that year, I was attracted to other girls and got excited whenever I imagined myself with a girlfriend or a wife. After some denial and attempts to be straight, I realized that I'm gay.
