I am in the closet and keep having periodic episodes of feeling really down and times where I just obsess over the idea of coming out, and this is affecting my school work, mood and productivity. I can't take this loneliness any longer and would rather self-harm than spend any longer like this. What should I do?
I should also mention that given my dad's opinions of gay people, and my mum's religious beliefs (strong Catholic), that I don't believe I will be accepted. Unsure if I might even speak much with them when I am an adult.
Hey i was sort of in the same boat (minus the catholic mother). My father showed hate towards gay people, i thought no one had a clue that i was gay. I was in the closet for so long worrying about what they may think. I thought my mum would think that i am lying or i am too young. I was in the closet until i worked up the courage to tell a few friends, they told me it would be fine to tell them and i felt ready, but one morning my mother asked me if i was ok and they already kinda knew. What i am trying to say is as long as you have a safe enviroment to go to if i goes wrong or for the parents to sync it in because it may just take time for them to accept you so if it goes a little wrong (which im sure it wont) you can go to see a friend for a bit. It will always be difficult but chances are they might already know and they will probably be fine with it, I always regret nit telling them before they asked me. Good Luck Love Jack
I haven't got any friends in my regular life, so a bit of a Catch 22 situation. I still think that there is no chance that they will accept me and that I will end up estranged as an adult. It upsets me, but that's reality for gay people.
I am sure you will be fine, i am not going to push you and if it goes wrong contact someone like stonewall who help gay people who need help
Jack is not the only one, the same thing happened to me !! When I was little my father used to say is better a dead son than have a gay son, and I came out a few weeks to my mum and dad and they took it pretty well, but like I said on my post it my be because I came out at 34, so they were pretty much waiting for me to tell. Like many people here said to me, you will know when it is the time to tell your parents !! Don't worry. After came out to my parents I felt a such relieve that is hard to explain, but I can say I felt kind like peaceful, even though; I want to come out to some really closer friends tell my parents gave me I kind of strength, because for me my parents are the most important thing I have in this world. Hang there and when you feel you want to come out, just come out .. .I couldn't say so I wrote a letter to them ! Be strong !! It gets better believe in it !
Do you think that my parents would be upset if: A) I hid it from them for too long. B) Or, I told lots of other people (possibly even on social media) but not them. Those two scenarios are looking the most likely for me.
My dad said all kinds of bad things about gay people while I was growing up and that definitely kept me in the closet for longer. Don’t let that happen to you. One of my biggest regrets is not being truthful with myself sooner. I didn’t come out until I was almost 27 and of course my dad accepted it just fine. We don’t talk about it but he definitely still loves me. People make homophobic comments all the time without realizing how much they might be hurting the people they love the most. If you come out to other accepting people and leave your parents out, they can really only blame themselves.
My mother would likely still love me, but she has strong Catholic beliefs so there are other issues to deal with there when I get a boyfriend. My dad wouldn't accept me - I always feel as if I am a disappointment to him.
I don't want to tell them myself. What is wrong with doing it on social media? If they think it is because I don't trust them with this issue, then they are correct.
Yea they definitely did. My mom cried a few times, not because I’m gay but because I had to hide a part of myself for so many years. Also she was sad that she never could tell. I’m a great actor though so I don’t blame her. Lol I always felt same about my dad, like I was a disappointment. I felt like he loved my younger brother and didn’t really care about me. To this day idk if that was all in my head or what, but since I came out I haven’t felt that way. Maybe because I’m not hiding anything anymore.
I don't have a brother, but I just don't feel that I match what he wants as a son, and being gay means I am less of a son than otherwise.
The thing is, it’s not about what he wants out of a son. You are your own person and your dad and mom chose to have you. You never asked for life. The only things they should want for you is happiness and fulfillment.
In an ideal world, that would be all that mattered, but clearly not with him. Then again, it must be tough for straight guys to have their only son being gay. When I was born a boy, no doubt they had set expectations of what they saw me being like and I likely have met none of them.
It’s likely easier for me since I do have a brother. In fact my mom brought up the fact that she would have to rely on my brother for grand children which I thought was a rather selfish albeit true statement. Even though I did mention adoption as an option. Which considering her own sister has an adopted son, she should have thought of that. Tbh I have no idea what my parents expectations for me would have been. I think it’s immature and mostly wishful thinking when parents put certain expectations on a child. But that’s just my opinion as a childless gay guy.
