I'm still feeling doubts...

I appreciate you admitting that you can find your own reflection arousing. It's not easy to admit potentially embarrassing things. I think it frees you when you say things like that.

I know with me wearing women's clothing was partly about getting off, at least for a certain amount of time. I think this is common with MtF's, but I guess the question is why. Why do so many do it? One thing I've considered is that it is a fetish because it is taboo. You have kids who dress, act, and play like the opposite sex and parents who put the lid on it at an early age. I remember being yelled at for crossdressing. It's not accepted in a lot of families. Usually because it is associated more with being gay than being trans. So it is generally looked down on. Would someone who is trans fetishize women's clothing because they want to present to the world as a girl but know it isn't allowed? I think that is one possibility. There is a big risk of embarrassment for anyone who looks like a guy to shop in the women's section or buy a dress or a skirt. Online stores and u-scan lines are a blessing for MtF's. Is it any wonder that there is a sexual thrill to such a forbidden item? I know I've thought "Why am I so scared to buy pants?"

 

Yeah, I wonder if it would qualify as a kind of gender euphoria.

 

Full time transgender teacher here. It is so so soooooo natural to feel doubt.

The question has this feeling been persistent? Have you fought it before ? I did for a long time. But when I realized it wasn't a fad and was a life long part of me I accepted it and for good or bad I changed my life to live how I authentically feel.

I've never felt freer or happier.

 

Yea that's a good word for it.

 

They did at first because of social brainwashing and fighting my demons. But my internal strength won out and as I became more comfortable and stable in my life the harder it was to NOT be able to transition. Now I am 100% happy and committed to my authentic lifestyle.