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Outsider in the Straight and Gay World...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Dr. Gay, Apr 8, 2018.

  1. Dr. Gay

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    So I'm 24, gay, male. Grew up in a pretty conservative area where you had the typical "bro" straight guys: threw around fag as a general insult, watched a lot (a LOT) of sports, the like. Always felt like I was different. I came out at 20 and thought I finally would fit in with the gay world...but I don't. I don't like drag. I don't listen to Mariah or Kesha. I don't even really like bars or clubbing, really.

    I guess I just feel like I'm never going to fit in.

    Thoughts?
     
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  2. spartafc

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    There's a lot more diversity in the gay community than the stereotypes would have you think -- and if you think about it, there's an awful lot of diversity in the straight world, too.

    It's totally ok to be a gay man who doesn't care for drag, who doesn't do the bar scene, and who doesn't listen to divas. It's ok to be a gay man who listens to country or punk or metal -- or all three!

    The problem for queer folks is we already don't feel like we fit in because of the dominant culture... so trying to feel like we fit in somewhere becomes that much harder. But you'll do it.
     
  3. Pole star

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    I have never thought whether I fit in the gay community or not. Maybe because all my life I have never 'fitted' anywhere. I don't do the scene, bar/clubs, drag shows etc. I lead my life the way I feel comfortable. Just because someone does a drag show does not mean I have to do it as well. Problem comes when you feel the pressure to fit in and you don't want to. Just be yourself and enjoy the things you do. You don't have to make a big deal of being gay. All it means is that you have attraction to someone of the same sex. I don't see any reason why we have to complicate matters.
     
  4. SemiCharmedLife

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    You and I are a lot alike. I eat sleep and breathe sports, hate clubs (mostly because I don't dance), could care less about Lady Gaga, and have never seen an episode of Drag Race.

    What do I do? I've kept strong friendships with the straight guys I was friends with before I came out and I've made new ones. I've found gay friends who I have some overlapping interests with. I've found other parts of gay culture that I really do enjoy, namely theater/film and political advocacy.

    Just be yourself and there will be people and opportunities that you gravitate toward. And if you live in a decent sized city and are willing to put yourself out there, I'm sure you'll find plenty of options.

    Hope this helps. Hit me up on my wall if you wanna talk more
     
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  5. Dr. Gay

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    Thanks for the response everyone. Just to clarify, I didn’t fit in with straight guys either, even though most of my friends are straight, because I DON’T watch sports lol. As for the doing what I want and not letting it affect me, sure that’s fine and whatnot but when I’m chilling at a friend’s (or acquaintance’s) and they’re either a) talking all sports, or b) lip synching Mariah, I feel kinda left out haha
     
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  6. Chip

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    There are an awful lot of people who don't like drag, aren't into fashion, don't listen to Mariah, Kesha, Judy Garland, Madonna, Bette; who don't have any fashion sense, don't go to gay clubs or bars, don't do hookups, and so forth. For every gay stereotype that exists, there are probably way more gay men that don't fit it than ones who do. It's just that the most visible people often fit the stereotypes. The ones who don't... the average person won't know they're gay because they aren't obvious.

    So... you fit in. Just not into the stereotypes.
     
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  7. Guywest79

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    Hey I'm older than you and never was into stereotypical things....but there are unique gay people..I don't know where you live but there are possibly others in same boat....try to connect with other gay guys and go from.there....not sure if you'e tried dating etc....i just read orig post only.
     
  8. SemiCharmedLife

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    Sorry I guess I misread your earlier post.

    What kinds of things do you like to do?
     
  9. smurf

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    What would you tell a friend who says "I don't fit with you guys. I like video games, geeky stuff and not sports and wrestling like you all. It's not fun for me"?

    You would probbaly tell him that is fine to go find people who also enjoy the things he does.

    The straight community doesn't consist of just people who like sports and the LGBT community doesn't consist of just drag (doesn't matter how amazing it might be :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)

    So go find the people who enjoy what you like to do. Like the person above said, what do you like to do? What makes you smile?

    Whatever it is, go to google type the hobby and then your city. If you live in a small city, type the largest city close to you. Try to find a group that has something to do with what you like.

    In my city with have groups for LGBT who like sports, hiking, camping, video games, drag, latinx people, black people, etc. Straight community also has TONS of groups for so many things. Go find those people!
     
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  10. Rin311

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    I'm like that too. I don't like drag, I don't fit in with the common gay stereotypes, I don't go to the parades, etc. What helped me was watching some youtube videos made by gay guys from my country, where the male stereotypes/typical straight guy behavior is pretty different (compared to the way it is in the West), and they are very average and normal... just ordinary guys. It made me feel better. So my point is that you're not the only one, there are others like us, but I guess we're harder to find since we don't stand out as much.
     
    #10 Rin311, Apr 9, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2018