A huge mess

Hey, I want you to know you're not alone. I relate a lot to what you said. I'm in my early 30's and my life has fallen apart. Not that my life was that great before, but the conflict that happened with my best friend, realizing I was gay, etc was the last straw. It lead to crippling levels of anxiety, depression, and other issues. I can't support myself, my life isn't anything I had hoped or dreamed for, I've been hit with a major illness (thankfully I've healed from that), I have friends but I'm not close to anyone anymore and I feel utterly alone, I've either distanced myself from people or they distanced from me, I don't want people asking me what's going on in my life because I am ashamed, I have so little energy or passion left, I sometimes feel hopeless. I am getting help though.

I wish I had knew then (two-three years ago) what I know now, but such is life. It takes time to learn, heal, and change. There's no rushing that. Things happen in their own timing.

I want to point this out, your life has been hard and you've gone through hell that would throw anyone off no matter their age or success. Moreover, you've been proactive in healing yourself and making changes even though it's hard. That in itself takes strength and courage. That's something you can take pride in.

No matter how screwed up your life is you can always start anew. You can start taking care of yourself, change your diet and habits, you can start a new career or re-start the old, you can go back to school, get a random job just to create income or savings, start new friendships, start new relationships, or revive old ones. It takes time and work and I know it's so crummy because we needed these things "yesterday", but we did it before and we can do it again. Whatever it is that you're working on... it takes time and often small changes over time. It may never be exactly the same again. However, sometimes it's still good, just different. Sometimes it can become something better than before.

You asked for wisdom so I'll tell you a few things that have helped me, you don't have to accept any of it though nor do you need to agree. One thing that has helped me was to learn to be a friend to myself. Give myself care, compassion, empathy, and validation as a loving friend would. Though I honestly had to learn what those things really meant and how to give myself those things. It's okay to be feeling what we're feeling. To feel hurt and wanting something better. Another thing I've learned is to acknowledge what I had no control over and what I do have control over. To stop blaming and recognize what happened and why it happened. To deal with the things I can change and improve and accept what I cannot change. Whether it's the past or this moment. There's no sense in suffering over a reality that is what it is and cannot change. At some point I realized unless I had a time machine I could have done no better. I did my best given the situation. Another thing I am doing, is getting therapy for better coping skills with stress and anxiety.

With my life falling apart, I can't ignore what's not working anymore. I have to be mindful, caring, and honest with myself. No masks, denial, or walls to hide behind. I have the opportunity now to make changes I couldn't before. To be a better, more whole, person than I was before. In that way, my future is brighter than what it would have been.

What happened to you, has happened to others. There are others like you struggling and falling short. You aren't alone and you don't have to be ashamed. You'll get there.

 

First of all, HUGS. what you describe is indeed Hell. ive been fighting repeating bronchitis myself for the past 3 years, from smoking when I was younger, been quit for 15 years. as for career and school, it's never too late to start again. I started my current career at 30, I am seriously working on going back to school, University this time for a degree program, I'm 51. my biggest advise is the same I give my clients. get the basics squared away, housing, basic income, health care, then figure out the larger stuff like career and the long term future. really you're facing trying to eat an elephant (metaphor here) but the only way to do that is one bite at a time.

 

Hey, I'm sorry you have had a tough time and things like this can take a lot of time to recover from both physically and mentally. It's hard not to compare what you thought you'd have to what you do/don't have but generally it isn't that helpful.
I'm not sure I have that many wise words but I think when you have been as low as you have been small steps can make a big difference, maybe you can do some sort of volunteering which I know isn't like having your career back but you can meet some new people and give your life a bit of purpose back without putting too much pressure on yourself whilst you are still recovering.

 

It's difficult for older people who don't match where they should be in life because there is so much stigma and so little help available. It's not considered cute anymore to be this lost when you are over 25. YOU AREN'T ALONE. I am close to 30 myself, but not only do I have no job, I also have no college degree....yet. I am an undergrad freshman who was incapable of starting college at 18 due to problems with disability and mental illness. The healthcare and help is so poor in my area that you can be waiting over 10 years to see any improvement, and this was the case for me. I'll be turning 28 this year, but I'm stuck in the stage of life as an 18 year old due to stuck being housebound my whole life. My 20's were non existent. I was an empty shell who felt like I was in a coma for years because even if I was mentally aware I just wasn't 'there' where I should be. My peers were starting college, I was in a position where I couldn't do anything with my life. I wanted so badly to be normal. It has now gotten slightly better for me (I never thought I would start school), and I happened to keep a best friend who is both younger and ahead of me in life (graduated with a job) but still manages to encourage me. It's only depressing for me because we are used to hearing age means you're supposed to have done this or that. Sometimes I feel like I will die alone, because nobody wants to be with a 28 year old sophomore (which I'll be next year) who still hasn't figured life out and still feels like a traditional student. Disability and/or mental illness can unfortunately rob people of their lives and make them feel like catching up is a hopeless dream.

But I believe everything can eventually get better....even if it took 10 years to progress, I have finally gained some progress, and you probably will too. It's never too late to start over. I am not even the oldest person in most of my classes, so I bet you won't be the oldest person starting a career. I'm really sorry that you've been sick for so long, and I hope you can eventually reach happiness....but I write this response to show you that you are far from alone.

 

*waves hello*

Hi, friend. I decided I need to come here more to process stuff again. I'm glad you're here, though I'm sad for you that things have sucked so much. *Hugs if you want*

 

First, I'm sorry you've had such a rough go of it.. But I'm glad you're recovering ~ and that's Great! The truth is we never know what life will throw at us and when we think we do sometimes we get reminded otherwise in the blink of an eye. It happens to the best of us and often without apparent reason. Though I've not had more than six month's being out of commission physically, I have had a period of Several years where life was just a barrage of traumatic and life changing events one right after another to where it was like every day was just waiting for another hammer to fall out of nowhere.

But the truth is that all storms eventually end, and after they've past the world, people and situation around us, and even who we are may have changed, but whenever one door closes another opens. I can only speak and offer my opinion from my own life experiences, but one of the biggest lessons that I have learned is that "There is no such thing as Adversity... Only Lessons". Some of those lessons I had to be beat down enough to finally get, or perhaps enough to clear my ideas and expectations from life to be able to appreciate the things that do matter, and some of the lessons I have had to repeat until I finally got it. It sounds to me like you've been enduring one hell of a life storm, but slowly getting out of it.. Kudo's to you for not just giving up! Just keep the faith that things will get better and new doors and possibilities will open and remember that though you can't change or go back to the past what you do in the present and what takes place in the future you have the power to effect through not only actions which may be limited at the moment, but also by your attitude and how you look at and engage the future. Just remember that there are good people in this world and places like this where you can always find people who are willing to help.