My friend told me that she is going to really miss me when I leave, because she loves talking to me and spending time with me. Neither of us are very emotional people, so I was a bit taken aback. I just stared at her blankly until she said "you're supposed to say something now". Then I replied saying "yeah, I'd say the same if I was the one staying behind" and she looked at me in shock. I felt and still feel absolutely terrible. I have no idea why that came out of my mouth because the truth is that she means the world to me. I could even go as far as to say I love her. But emotions are very difficult for me to express and I find it hard to say nice things to someone, and struggle when they say nice things to me. I have lost friends in the past because they felt I didn't care about them even when I did. Currently things are still fine between us, she hasn't mentioned it since. She knows I struggle with emotions so I guess she understood that, but that still doesn't make up for the fact that I literally told her I won't miss her at all, which is of course not true. I hate myself so much for this. I think I'll just wait until her birthday and write her a nice card, which means waiting 3 months, but I can't think of anything else. Any ideas?
I have the same issues with expressing emotions. It's not that I don't feel emotion, it's just the expression part of it that is difficult as I want to rely on rational thinking and not let emotions get in the way which makes connecting with people very difficult for me as most people rely on expressing emotion to show affection. I can come across as cold or indifferent at times so I understand what you are going through. I think a card is a great idea, however if you don't want to wait 3 months you could write her an email or a handwritten letter to tell her how you feel and maybe decide to send it on a specific date to motivate yourself to do it in the first place because I know it can be difficult to take that step and be vulnerable. When she does receive this email/letter she will most likely truly appreciate you being honest with her and see it as you opening up to her in a way. Be sure to let her know you struggle with emotions in the letter/email so that she understands why you'd rather take that route instead of bringing it up in conversation.
Funny, when I read your reply I interpreted it as "I feel the same way you do." So maybe you didn't shoot yourself in the foot. I wouldn't wait 3 months to try to smooth things over — if that is even necessary. I agree with @RebeccaK.
Agree with the above poster - it's not necessarily as bad as you think, don't worry! (Especially if she's as close to you as you say she is c: ) That said, if you're still worried (and you're not necessarily insane to be worried), I strongly, strongly advise that you explain yourself to her now and definitely not in three months - in any case, clarifying to her how important to you she is and telling her that you will miss her very much, and that you hope you didn't make her think otherwise when you said this to her, can't hurt, because if she really does feel hurt it should serve to make her feel better, and if not, she'll appreciate your honesty anyway. It's never a bad thing to tell a friend how much they mean to you - do it early and often for best results. Best of luck!
Thanks for all your replies guys, I feel less awkward about it now. So I guess my next question is how far can you go with expressing how you feel about a platonic friend of the same sex, given that I am a lesbian and she is straight? I mean, is it too much to tell her I love her? Because that was the whole reason I messed up in the first place, I was scared to tell her. Is it better to avoid the word "love" altogether? I don't want it to seem like I'm coming on to her, although I would be lying if I said my feelings were 100% platonic. Should I just stick with the I'll miss you part?
Love doesn't have to be expressed in a romantic or sexual way even if that is there. A parent can love a child, and a child can love a parent so it's possible to love someone and have it not be about sex or romance. So even if you do have feelings for her that aren't just platonic what can it hurt to tell her? You feel what you feel. If you do it, just don't say it with a rose hanging out of your mouth.
