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Are gay people less likely to be romantic?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Tre, Mar 23, 2018.

  1. Mali Mali

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    For me personally, I always thought I was supposed to like guys, but I never did. So I used to over-romantize the idea of one day meeting the perfect man. After coming out as a lesbian, I have been feeling like I don't need to chase that picture perfect romance ideal, so I guess that has made me less romantic than the average person?
    Also maybe it has something to do with gender roles? In straight culture the man is generally expected to be the one doing romantic gestures for the woman - and the woman is expected to expect it. Gendered roles make even less sense in a gay relationship than in a straight, so maybe (some) gay people are less romantic because it isn't necessarily expected from them culturally?
    Also, fear of homophobia and hate crimes might make gay couplew less intimate and romantic in public. And if you are used to repress it in public, it might become second hand nature to you even in private.

    But honestly, I think some gay people are more romantic than some straight people and vice versa.
     
  2. HM03

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    That's so fucking cuteeeee.

    My bf is pretty damn sappy, and I can be too, I guess I believe in romance aha. I'll let him know I'm expecting a cake :wink:
     
  3. Hyrule Wayfarer

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    Yes I do agree with this a lot. It is heartbreaking to have feelings/butterfly nerves when you fancy someone and to have to face the reality you'll always be rejected. Also being gay means it will be unlikely that you will have the 'normal' coming of age milestones like your straight peers: first peck kiss very young, first snog (tongue kiss) in teens, 1 or 2 opposite sex partners in your teens, hand-holding/dates/cuddles/kissing in the teens, then sex at some point thereafter. I realise some of the uglier or socially impaired or unhygienic people would not have had this experience above, but it is the norm for nearly everyone at school who wasn't in the uncool reject group, and even then those people dated each other or dated uncool people in younger year groups.

    I was romantic when I was younger, I wanted nothing more than the above I have described. But it was crushed out of me by constant rejection and endless searching for someone else lesbian/bi who I could share the above with and by friends constantly ridiculing me for falling behind in the coming of age milestones.

    You probably will have feelings for someone again it is just statistically likely they will not be the same sexual orientation and the feelings will never be reciprocated. I don't think you are asexual you just need to choose between wallowing in self-pity or adapt.

    I personally have adapted. I am attracted to women and want to have sex with them. I have never met a woman who had feelings for me and no woman I had feelings for ever reciprocated them back. That leaves me with two options, wallow in self-pity and waste away my life an unkissed virgin hoping that one day I will meet someone and we both care for each other. But as time ticks on you get older and older, and people start thinking your a freak and its a huge turn off when women find out you have done no kissing never mind sexual activity when your in your late teens/twenties... god forbid thirties and forties - it would terrify people away (and in fact it did terrify people away when I was in my late teens. I only got success when I started lying about having experience).
    Or option two is to adapt to having sex is sex, so have sex with women who agree and accept that I will likely never have feelings for any of them. This is what I chose.

    It would be nice to experience fancying someone/butterfly crush and having that feeling reciprocated at least once before I die. I doubt it will ever happen. I try not to think about it too much because its upsetting.

    I do attempt to make things traditionally romantic when dating someone: so flowers, cooking from scratch, compliments, evenings out etc. This is just to keep up appearances, but it's not really because I want to do those things, its because I think I should do those things.
     
  4. Aden C

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    Yeah I would disagree. I think romance doesn't come from having a crush and that then working out. I think you have to meet prince charming before you realize who he/she is.
     
  5. DinoArtist

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    I've never experienced romance. Humans tend to be more cold, rigid, and edgy. It's like trying to be romantic to a helicopter. I'm unsure where the concept of romance originated. Certainly not an earthling invention.
     
  6. larkspur

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    i mean since im gay and fear homophobes i make a real effort to not even consider developing crushes on ppl unless they like me first or i'm certain they're lgbt so im not really romantic when it comes to developing a relationship

    when i was actually in a relationship i definitely wasn't very romantic in public (bc i wasn't exactly very out yet and also even if i was, people are horrible and homophobic everywhere...) but in the comfort of my own home or in private areas i was much more romantic, i liked to show a lot of affection and bake cookies and all that which was nice