Telling a Partner about my Mental Illness and Rape - HELP!

Hello, so I have already posted a very similar thread to this a couple of days ago only with a less specific title and with far more detail but I didn't really receive any response. In this post I am simply going to ask the question I want answered, if you need more information then see my previous thread (https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?threads/telling-a-new-partner-about-mental-illness.469423/).

So, the question is:

When is the right time in a relationship to tell a partner about my mental health problems and my sexual assault?

Through my therapy, due to having a history of keeping emotions bottled up (resulting in unhealthy outlets such as self harm and alcohol abuse), I have been learning to be much more open with how I am feeling and what is going on in my life. It is now so important to me to be open and honest with the people closest to me and as such a big part of my life I think a partner should be made aware of my issues but I don't know when the suitable time would be. I don't want to be too intense so early on and scare someone off but at the same time my mental health problems and sexual assault are really relevant in who I am and I would need a partner who can except that and I wouldn't want to waste my time with anyone who couldn't.

Anyway, I have ended up rambling on again but I would really appreciate the help because it has been something that has massively concerned me recently, especially since meeting someone. Thank you for your time, I would love an open discussion with thoughts and advice, any input is appreciated.

 

Hey there! Thank you so much for your response, I found it really helpful. It sounds like we are pretty similar, I am a very happy person in my healthy mental state but when my anxiety and (specifically) my depression start acting up things can take a complete turn. I am not defined by my mental illnesses but I think it is important that people close to me are aware of them and accept them because they come with the package. I also don't want pity and in fact reject it, I am a fairly independent person but I need people to know that if they want me they need to understand it isn't all a fairytale. My biggest worry really is the rape, I worry people will see me as 'damaged goods' or 'tainted', I understand that is all apart of the aftermath of rape and if any other rape victim (or whatever their preferred term is) told me they felt that way I would tell them they were wrong but it is hard to take your own advice sometimes.

I recently met someone who was into me and although I felt really comfortable around him and enjoyed his company I sabotaged it with him because I haven't been with anyone since my rape and I worried he would judge me or freak out about it and run away. That's what got me thinking; I can't let my assault stop me from entering happy, healthy relationships forever (although it is okay to take time to recover) and so when I am ready to get to know someone romantically, when is suitable to let them know what happened to me? I want to tell them early on 1. So as not to waste my time if they react negatively and 2. So I can make them aware that some things will make me feel uncomfortable, for instance sex, which is a very important part of most romantic relationships. However, I don't want to come across as too intense or for them to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me. I am a normal person and not defied by my shitty experiences, I have just had a lot of negativity in my life.

Anyway, so sorry, I am rambling once again, typical. I really appreciate your help and will take what you said into consideration. Thank you, have a nice day!