I haven't been on this site in years, not since the last time I was in therapy. Its getting harder and harder to not be gay. I think this society right now, which is so accepting, makes it harder for us that aren't out. Its not even the sex I miss anymore, its watching 2 guys at the grocery store together, or walking through Target asking if they need more body wash, that gets me. Saw Love, Simon with my daughter. If I could go bout 35 years and things are they way they are... I'm still not sure what I want. I mean, I'm 53. I should be more focused on getting to retirement, not starting my life over again. I'm just not sure what to do. Part of my wants to just write on Facebook that I'm gay and see what happens. The other part of my thinks, well, you only have a couple of decades left, you made it this far, you can finish it. There isn't even really another man involved. I've been married for 30 years and I've kept things where they belong, except for porn. Thank god for porn. Well, there sort of isn't another man. There is this guy at work that I've been crushing on for years. I can't think of any other way than its a crush. He's straight, mostly, although he has been with guys before, but I've let my guard down around him. For some reason, everyone at works thinks we are a couple. So does my wife. Its not even the thought of sex with him, but just waking up to him that I think about. Although there was that one time he took his shirt off in front of me. It was instant arousal. I had to sit down for a few minutes. Haven't had a response like that since college. Jon
I think it’s never too late (have you seen the movie beginners ?). But advice from a seventeen years old probably doesn’t mean a lot so take it or leave it...Anyway I hope you’ll have the strenght to do whatever you choose to do. We all deserve to be happy
There are lots and lots of people your age and older who are just coming to terms with their sexuality and in the process of coming out. Quite a few here on our Later in Life section. So you aren't alone. It's easy to say "Well, I've waited this long, I should just suck it up", but that's a huge disservice to you. And, for that matter, to your wife, who deserves someone who can love her fully and completely in a way that a gay man cannot. This doesn't mean there isn't pain and difficulty in the process, only that at the end of it, I think you may both end up happier. BTW, a guy who is "straight but has been with guys before" probably isn't straight.
Don't put down your age. I know many young people who have their act together and plenty of people my age who don't.
Gzman02, you make yourself out to be much older than you are. Before you said your age i expected you to say 73 rather than 53. Are you still married? If so, is that marriage still working for you both? If it is, I say stick with it. But of course, it's for you to weigh things up.
I’m 52 and just out, so I hope to heck there is someone out there for us. I lived a fake heterosexual life for years and looking back it was a huge mistake; luckily I didn’t marry. I should have sucked it up and come out. My fear was way less stress than living a lie was for me. Have a conversation with your wife- maybe she will be understanding. Even though you love her, I’m sure since you are gay it isn’t what it should be, especially if you are questioning it. I’m not saying anything bad, but we all know when our heart isn’t into something, the effort lacks, too. It’s best to be honest- I know some would consider hooking up secretly and could be devastating if the partner found out this fact. A conversation doesn’t have to be awful, there could be a lot of understanding on her part, too. Good luck to you!!!! We are both at an age where we think we are too old, but we have almost another 1/2 of a lifetime to find true happiness!!!
Actually, my wife has always known. We both have our issues. I don't feel like my life has been fake, and I do love my wife. I'm just always keeping part of me from her.
Some days I feel like I'm 73, but I'm not. The problem is, is that no one says what to do when you get to this point in life. I think the marriage works. That's what makes things hard. But I always feel like I'm keeping myself from everyone else.
I didn’t mean to come across as your life was fake, sorry if I did. Everyone has to do what’s best for their situation and there isn’t one model that fits all. When I say my life was fake, it doesn’t mean I was in some pretend fantasy, I just wasn’t true to myself. I cannot change my past, I can only look toward the future. I only wish you luck and happiness!!!!
Don't worry about it. I sometimes forget what's real and what isn't. Sometimes it feels very fake and I'm going through the motions.
