1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Boyfriends and cheating issues. What should I do?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Umberson379, Mar 30, 2018.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Umberson379

    Umberson379
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2017
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Now here's whats going on, I use this application called Discord, I been using it for a long while now and have met some awesome and not so awesome people. Out of all of them I met one special one, his name is Sidney and he doesn't live too far off but he's in another state. You see here's where the issue begins....

    Now a while back he got hacked on his Discord account and gave me access to his account to fix the issue, long story short I can see his DM and while I feel dirty and wrong for looking at them now and then this is sorta no different from looking through someones phone left on the couch in a way.

    Today he was talking to this guy in one of our Discord groups, now I want to note that we are both open to the sharing of nudes with other individuals. I don't see no harm in it unless things get too damn loose. What do I mean by loose you may ask? Well you see he was sharing nudes to the mentioned individual and the topic of "Lets meet up so we can fuck." came up.

    Now basically I pulled him off to the side yesterday and on the low asked him if he would do such a thing, if anyone was asking to hook up with him and if he'd cheat on me. He said no to all questions whilst admitting that sometimes people do come to him.

    "Actually some people do ask. I just only tell them that I live in virginia and that's it." is what he said word for word so I dropped it, but I didn't stop watching. Earlier today he shared more pics with this person (more than he has ever sent me in the span of 5 months) and the topic came up again. What gets me about this is that no where in talking with this person does he mention that he's in a relationship with me.

    It goes on a bit longer with this guy asking Sidney to quote on quote "Well quit bein a baby and we can meet up and fuck each other~" and to which he replies "I ain't a baby. Plus it's a matter of money and not really having my own car yet". Then this guy says to Sidney "I have both of those. As long as you have privacy we good."
    then he said "I barely have privacy, But, if we time shit right, shit can happen" end quote.

    So now I'm sitting here in my office chair furious with him and I don't know what to do about this. Yeah me on his shit is bad and the argument that I would have never known about this had I stayed off his account could be made but I did do it and now I know what I know. I love him, I really do he's a nice guy for the most part and I plan to leave his account alone as I want to trust him but what do I do about this? How should I react?
     
    #1 Umberson379, Mar 30, 2018
  2. Chierro

    Chierro
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,059
    Likes Received:
    186
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I do believe you have a right to be angry, but I will play Devil's advocate a little. The messages you quoted? He never explicitly said "Yes." To me, I read it as him being nice and not wanting to be a dick to the guy while pushing him away. However, you still have a right to be angry, especially if you two are in a relationship.

    Ultimately, though, this is something you really need to talk to him about. And be warned, he probably will get mad that you've been reading his messages. It's good you plan to leave his account alone, but you have read it and it's bothering you and should be addressed.

    Lastly, since you two do live in separate states and don't mind sending nudes to other people, is an open relationship something you two have talked about before? I know one of my friends and his boyfriend right now are having issues because his boyfriend (though he only lives maybe an hour away) wants one and his boyfriend has used apps in the past.
     
    #2 Chierro, Mar 30, 2018
  3. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,758
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well... neither of you have clean hands here.

    It's clear he isn't being authentic with you. For me, that would be a dealbreaker.

    It's also clear that you haven't respected his privacy. For me, if I were him, that would also likely be a dealbreaker.

    So... it's really up to you. But don't make yourself better than he is, because you've invaded his privacy and disrespected what I assume would be an expectation of respect and privacy.
     
    #3 Chip, Mar 30, 2018
    justinf and Patrick7269 like this.
  4. Umberson379

    Umberson379
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2017
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Well no we haven't talked about one before and to be honest with you I would feel some type of way if I knew he'd dating/fucking/loving anyone else other than me in an intimate way. Also knowing him he's going to flip a shit and get all paranoid around me which yeah is fair but then again I have no idea how to approach him with this.
     
    #4 Umberson379, Mar 30, 2018
  5. Umberson379

    Umberson379
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2017
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    By no means at all do I think I'm any better than him, I know what I did wrong and I have absolutely no problem with being truthful with him and telling him what I did.
     
    #5 Umberson379, Mar 30, 2018
  6. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,758
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I guess, then, it would be up to you and what you want. As I said, for me, it would be a dealbreaker and I'd move on. But you may want something different.
     
    #6 Chip, Mar 30, 2018
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)