My Story - Vol 2

Hey EC friends,

Where to begin... I guess with a little bit about me. I'm 27. I like guys, and I'm out to my mom and quite a few friends now, though I'm still definitely not 100% out. I'm not sure I really care who knows about me at this point though.

In my past I've had one relationship (which EC helped me with tremendously), where I was dating a guy while we were both 100% closeted. This relationship was both of our firsts with another guy, even though he is bisexual and has been with girls. I had no prior experience on either side. I think part of why we clicked well was that we both didn't fit into the stereotypical gay mold. This relationship lasted 4 years and was an important part of my life but in the end I realized he wasn't the right person for me to spend the rest of my life with. Plus I had to explore and see what else was out there to feel more confident that I really even knew what I wanted.

In the time since my last relationship with my ex, I've experienced many more things with guys... both sexually and emotionally. Though I will say that any attempts at dating I've had since my ex have just left me feeling like something wasn't right. I've pretty much accepted that the gay world was just not for me, I never felt like I fit in there despite trying to be open minded.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I ended up meeting a guy and we started off by just chatting. Very quickly in our conversation, it became clear that we just got each other. We decided to meet up for a drink and a bite to eat that weekend. When the time came and we finally met in person, the chemistry and connection was even better than over text. I just felt so much more comfortable talking to him that I felt with any guys I had been on dates with in the past.

I also learned a lot more about him, and it became clear there are many reasons why we click so well. One of those reasons is that he isn't at all into the gay scene either... and in fact he isn't out to anyone and is actually bisexual. Based on the great initial meeting we ended up hanging out the entirety of the following day, which was just continued to reinforce everything. We chatted about how great it seemed to be going and how neither of us expected this or thought it was something that we could even find. He said he has never had a connection with another guy like this... and I haven't really either (aside from my ex).

Alright EC, here is where I need your help, keep the "are things moving too fast?" question in your mind as you read through the next parts. So things went so well when we first met we decided to plan a little trip (driving somewhere together) for the following weekend. Objectively, I can see this seeming like a bad idea with someone you just met, but something about it just felt right so I didn't question it. We ended up doing the trip, and spending 3 consecutive nights and days together. Everything was great, as I anticipated. And I could feel myself really starting to develop some attachment to this guy.

This trend hasn't really slowed down much and it's clear that we want to see each other almost as much as possible even though its only been a few weeks. We have talked about a lot of things too, like half joking about how we would have kids and go on extravagant international vacations together among other things. We have also discussed how things just feel right and how we are exited to see where they lead.

Now, I try to stay level headed in situations like this typically, and part of me worries that we are moving too fast even though I would definitely find it hard to slow things down. Is there even such a thing as moving too fast? Or is that just an old wives tale I've heard?

Part of me also worries a little bit about if I'm falling into another relationship with someone who isn't going to be able to come to terms with his same sex attraction when it comes to getting more serious. I say another relationship because my ex was never going to come out (I know this now and it seems like such an obvious deal breaker in hindsight). This new guy's family is very conservative and the idea of telling anyone about him seems like a clear no-go right now. I do think that this whole thing has caught him off guard though as he has said he never expected to develop feeling for a guy like this and in fact he didn't think it was possible for him (again this eerily shadows my ex). In some ways though, this new guy has already shown more progress and comfort than my ex ever did, which makes me feel like maybe there is hope. Obviously this is all still very early stages though, and I think time will help answer some more of my questions here... I just want to make sure I don't mess things up before getting there by moving too fast or something. He seems to be all for moving fast himself though, so I'm wondering if anyone has any experience here or advice.

 

Thanks Mav, I think you are right. Glad to see you are still around to give me advice after all these years.