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I have a major problem with an old friend I can't get over her. she really used me

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Tigermud, Mar 22, 2018.

  1. Tigermud

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    long story. I'm finding this so hard to even write about.
    I met this girl over a year ago. we became close friends we connected almost instantly.
    we both had our problems in life. she got very attached to me to the point I questioned her sexuality. I was in the closest at the time. I moved away to a different town and we were texting constantly. things started to become a bit clearer but there was still hesitation and to make matters worse she was saying someone at the time but she eventually split up with him. this went on for a few months til she started ignoring me. within a few months I text her how i felt but then i got a phone call from one off her friends and there was a heated argument claiming my friend wasn't gay eventhough she started the flirting. she threatened to call the police over sexual harassment. my friend really twisted the truth, it put me in deep shock and anger. but i got the truth out to her friend and sent her screen shots of old texts. months later I still can't get over it. I saw on Facebook that she is back with her ex who she told me mistreated her and she would compaire me with him she once said to me "you're better than my ex" . I can't get over her even though she made me very sick. I really felt her deep in my soul and I don't fall in love so easily
     
  2. Shorthaul

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    Well if she hooked back up with an ex that didn't treat her well, that should tell you all you need to know about her. Or she lied about her ex, which also should tell you all you need to know about her.

    Rejection is always hard, but take a step back and look at her actions and you will see that you can do much better.
     
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  3. Tigermud

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    I don't talk to her anymore that's a start. a negative I found in her that she lies compulsively. I felt when we we're talking she wanted me to bad mouth that ex that's she's back with to make her feel better. I can see she's happy with him. unfortunately she put me through a lot at the most inconvenient time of my life. I knew she liked me but she was with someone else at the time she was talking to me. she really messed me about I was waiting for her
     
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  4. Tigermud

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    I'm also not over that I got beaten for what she did to end our friendship. I hate that I really liked her as a friend. I think she manipulated me in a way
     
  5. Richard321

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    Jof, I've made the mistake of getting back in contact with / keep trying to be in contact with someone who was selfish - she ended up using me again, then again. You are definitely better off without that girl. I can tell that you are very caring, but you must consider yourself. Don't contact her again - I know that's hard, but it will be best for you. And don't let her wriggle her way back into your life. She will just do the same again - or she will do worse the next time, then worse the time after that. She was trouble for you. She is trouble for you. She would only be trouble for you again. Treat your experience with her as something to look out for and not to get into with anyone else. Don't let her or anyone use you like that ever again. Watch for the signs of it. Find someone more suitable and healthy to talk with and be with.
     
  6. Tigermud

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    thanks. I feel like this has been very tough on me. some people just don't understand how she really effected me. it's just a horrible feeling when you meet a really great friend in your life she was like someone I never met before then she became everything I've always feared. to me she was a godsend. it's not good when i also suffer chronic depression I though she would cure that in fact she made it worse. my habit is trying not to miss her
     
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  7. anniesims

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    I had a situation with a girl who I felt I hit it off with right away. We liked each other and there was some chemistry. She also would bad mouth her gf at the time. She loured me in, said all the right things abd then dropped me so fast and went back with her ex. I realize now she manipulated and lied (she too is a compulsive liar) badmouthed her gf to get sympathy. It took me forever to put it behind me. She knew my weaknesses and knew what to say to keep me hooked and reel me back in. I missed her so much for a looong time. Over time the more Id distance myself the more I saw her for what she really is. It took me a loong time though.
     
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  8. Tigermud

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    hi thanks. that's almost exactly how she was with me. what I found out the friend who had an argument with me doesn't talk to her anymore for lying and being two faced. my "friend" spread horrible rumours about me and that too I really don't understand or get over
     
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  9. Gravity

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    From what you write in the thread, it sounds like you still have a lot of mixed feelings about this person. On the one hand, you describe her as a godsend, you call her a great friend, and you clearly experienced a significant attraction to her. On the other hand, you also say that she is a compulsive liar and that you found her behavior manipulative.

    These beliefs aren't incompatible, but I think it's important that you recognize that the good wasn't happening without the bad. It's probably a good idea that you have cut off contact with this person, but I would actually go a step further - don't keep things that remind you of her out and visible at home, if you have to keep them somehow then at least pack them away somewhere where you have control over how you see them, and so forth. I would even develop new routines that could help signal a change in your life - even small things like going to different restaurants or coffee shops, or different places to relax and have fun.

    And, if at all possible, try to meet other LGBT people. You could volunteer, look for social events, or any thing. But, while I don't know your history in detail, my guess is that this person is one of a small number of people you've felt attracted to, or felt like it was being reciprocated. More experiences with other LGBT people - even as friends - will help you put this in context, and might help you realize a couple more things about how your experience with her is different than your experience with other people.
     
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  10. Tigermud

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    hi.
    Thank you. me and her and everybody else are human after all. to me she doesn't care about her own friends and only herself, like she didn't care that I was growing feelings for her and she knew about that. when I had an argument with her friend she didn't speak at all, she turned strangers against each other. I said to that friend "why isn't she talking?". she's very good at playing victim. and that's a very horrible side to her the side I'm not attracted to. one of the last things I did text her was "I never forgive you for this"