Hello EC. I am an 18 year old guy in questioning of my sexuality. 99.9% of my life I’ve only been attracted to girls. I’ve had heavily crushed on them since I have been 7. I’ve fancied my crushes often and always was too nervous to approach them. I’ve had a few girlfriends in my life but they were never really girls I had feelings for, but I was still fairly satisfied when being with them. I never got to date a girl I truly crushed on because 100% of them had rejected me. Around the age of 13 I had my first male fantasy.. kinda? I imagined being a top with with my social studies teacher but it took me so long to finish... I switched to girls and came in a matter of maybe 2 minutes. When I finally got to high school things started to.. change. It’s not that my sexuality was shifting or anything.. I still was very attracted to girls and fancied them often but I started to lose motivation to get with them. It started when two girls approached me in the hall and they asked if I was related to this one guy. I said no I don’t think so and the one girl said , “really?! You look just like him!” And the other girl said “yea but the other ones hotter.” They walked away laughing and I was in distraught. Girls from there on treated me so negatively and made me feel so much less than I did a few years ago. My self value dropped immediately and I felt as if I wasn’t worth it for any girl. I had sex with a girl at 17 and I was emotionally satisfied but I felt nothing physically? But I still fancied girls no problem and guys was meh. Then things really started to shift. Everything I’ve done in person with girls I couldn’t fancy bc it wasn’t exciting anymore, like bc I’ve done it already. When it happens in person I’m having the time of my life but in my head it’s meh. The fancying of men grew stronger. I think about bottoming to a man. Idk how it will feel but it turns me on in my head a lot. But whenever I try to be around guys, I almost feel too comfortable and have no attraction to any of them when with girls it’s the complete opposite. This one guy (chip) says masturbation fantasies are a solid indicator of sexuality so have I been gay my whole life or what? Like I said earlier I can masturbate and enjoy any fantasy I haven’t done in person. When I fancy girls now it’s usually more than one girl I fancy about at once or bottoming a guy. Both are fairly equally arousing. My confidence of my attraction of girls is fading no matter how strong I feel them in person bc of these gay fantasies. I feel like once I try it the fantasy will get boring just like the rest. I have more to say but I don’t want to blow up this feed, I’m trying to make it simple and as quick to read as possible.. any help would be great. Btw here’s a picture of me.. am I ugly ? I’ll take compliments from both guys or girls.
My first sex fantasy about guys as top was when I was a teen. " I imagined being a top with with my social studies teacher but it took me so long to finish... I switched to girls and came in a matter of maybe 2 minutes" Then when I got older I switched to bottoming fantasies because I jizz my pants in a matter of maybe 2 minutes just by thinking about it. Now, in my humble opinion sexual fantasies (if they are strong) are good indication of sexual orientation. Now are you gay or bi, I don't know because of -some gays do have sexual urges towards opposite-sex when they are younger. -some bisexuals are "fluid" so they might go from straight-bi to gay-bi (still get turn on by opposite but alot more interested in same-sex). -also some people do not enjoy sex because of some kind of trauma (low self-esteem, depression, etc.). -also some people do not enjoy sex because they are not emotionally attracted to the person. Additionally, I would date you if you shaved or grow full-beard. (it is supposed to be a compliment)
It's interesting that things seem to have changed since that time when the girls laughed at you and walked away. By your own admission it left you feeling distraught, your self value dropped immediately and from then girls seemed to treat you badly. This incident was a few years ago now, but your feelings for the opposite sex have declined since, so how do you reflect on it? I only ask because you included a picture of yourself in your post and asked us for opinions on what you look like. By contrast, you say you feel almost too comfortable around other guys. What do you mean by that? It suggests to me that you find more encouragement in male company. Instead of deflating your self image they seem to offer space where you can be yourself and not have to worry about your appearance. What do you think? Lets suppose a nice guy shows an interest in you, tells you he finds you attractive and reveals he has feelings for you and would like to date you. How would you feel about that? How do you think you would respond?
Usually I don’t feel any response as if a girl complimented me.. the last time a girl did that I got really excited and my chest felt warm. For guys i usually just say shut up lol or thanks ugly . There’s nothing but banter with the bros
I can’t write much for now so I’ll write more later. I will say this for now - those girls were very cruel. They should’ve never said anything like that. You are in fact handsome and regardless of appearance (or your orientation) you deserve respect and happiness. Patrick
